INSECURE, Love of the Past
Maria was angry

I don't know what's on Ivan's mind, to the point that he keeps asking me the same thing. What should I do to make Ivan believe that I love him? I love Ivan even though I have to admit that my love and affection for Ivan is not as great as my love for Indra.

In the past, Indra was able to act very mature when Brother Ivan declared his love for me. Though I knew Indra was very angry at that time, but she did not show it to me. At that time Indra was jealous because Ivan wanted to take me home from school. Indra never asks things that are definitely the answer.

Does Brother Ivan want me to give him my body so he can believe that I love him? My God, why is my brother like this? Why can't you believe that I love and love my sister?

I tried not to cry in front of her, but I could not hold back my tears that had piled up. I'm sick Brother Ivan doesn't trust me like this.

I turned my face away from Brother Ivan and it seemed that Brother Ivan felt very guilty towards me, I did not answer Brother Ivan's words. I'm gonna go and get out of the car. Just as I was about to open the car door, Brother Ivan held my hand. Brother Ivan hugged my body from the side and he apologized to me.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm like this because I love you so much. I'm sorry, I couldn't have done that to you Maria. You're the woman I love, whom I love.." Ivan said in a soft voice.. And I just realized that it turns out that Ivan's brother is crying..

All this time I've never seen Brother Ivan cry like this. What did Ivan's brother feel that much until he cried and I felt his deep sadness.

I'm unmoving..

I let go of Brother Ivan's hand which hugged my tiny body. A tear drenched his handsome face, I actually could not bear to see Brother Ivan like this. But I was already upset with Brother Ivan, I got out of the car and left Ivan without speaking a word.

Ivan got out of the car and chased me.

"Darling... Ride again, let me drive you home." Said Brother Ivan who was walking beside me..

I did not answer him, I did not even look to Brother Ivan.

"Darling.." Brother Ivan held my hand, making my steps come to a halt.

"I'm sorry.." Brother Ivan stood in front of me and saw my bowed face..

"Sorry.." Say again.

I don't know why I can't see Brother Ivan crying like that. His handsome face looks sad, why does my heart hurt so much to see Ivan like this? I feel like I can feel what Ivan is feeling now.

I held Ivan's hand..

"I love you Brother.. So please, never doubt anything that is certain. Indra is just a lover of my past who will never come back again. As for Brother now beside me, why would you doubt that anymore?"

Brother Ivan looked at me with a very sad look.. I can't bear to see him that way.. I hugged the tall body of Brother Ivan, usually Brother Ivan who always calmed me who was sad, now I will calm him.

I rubbed the tears on Brother Ivan's cheek, he smiled and hugged me again very tightly.. To the extent that I had to tiptoe because of the tall body of Brother Ivan. Brother Ivan just kept saying "Sorry" to me. I don't know how many times he said that.

I let go of Brother Ivan's embrace.

I can't be angry at anyone for long, let alone the person I love.

"Don't leave me, baby, I don't want to lose you. Don't be angry anymore." Said Brother Ivan while rubbing my hair.

"I promise I will never doubt your love again Mary. I'm sorry" he said again, touching my cheek.

"Yes my dear Brother Ivan the handsome.. Muach.. Promise yes, Brother do not do it anymore." I replied with a smile so that Brother Ivan does not doubt me anymore.

"I just heard you call me dear in person." He replied with a smile and touched my head, making my hair a little messy.

"Ihh Brother.. Don't stick her hand, I'll mess up my hair.. I'll be worse later." My words are singing my lips.

"Gemes is just like you.. Want ugly or how I keep in love with you my petite darling.." Ivan's brother pinched my cheek.

"I love you too, Brother." My reply.

Ivan looked very happy to hear my words. I feel like Ivan's emotions are better now.

"Good again baby, let me drive you home." Take Ivan, and I just nod my head.

"Darling, we'll play tomorrow.." Bring along.

"Where's Brother?" My toot.

"To Situ Patenggang, I will also take Daffa with her boyfriend. How's it? Wouldn't you?"

"Mauu.... Yes, yes.. Not Aldi either?"

"Yes, he's coming too.. He will be our driver.hehe." Answer Brother Ivan.

"Sister, who does this car have? Aldi or Brother?" I asked who from yesterday was very curious.

"Emh.. Tomorrow I will tell you the answer, baby, now it's too bad. We'll talk tomorrow." He answered while driving the car again.

"Oh yaudah Brother." I didn't continue my question because it was night time.

Up ahead, my mother was waiting for me on the front porch. I'm the same old man who worries about me.

"Assalamualaikum mah." Say both of us.

"Waalaikumsalam, why did he come home late?" Ask mama.

"Sorry mah, the doctor visited at 7, so just out of the hospital about half 9 an." Sis Ivan replied, while I was silent.

"Oh yaudah, come in first, brother.." Mamah.

"Sorry, don't. It was late, I said yes, Mah.. Mar, Brother go home first . Assalamualaikum." Ivan said goodbye after we answered his greetings.

"Getishalight." Answer mom and me.

And I went straight in, cleaned up and took a break. Because at this moment I feel so tired, even more so my heart that has been going through an inner conflict. When I met Brother Sandra earlier, when I talked about Indra, when Brother Ivan doubted me.

Ahh, I'm tired.. Very tired of remembering all, and now I want to calm my heart and mind.

Now my heart belongs to Brother Ivan, though not completely. Because even though Indra remains in my heart, Indra continues to fill this heart.

Though I know Brother Ivan has given his heart to me completely, but why can't I forget all the good that Indra did to me?

If I hadn't gone to that high school, maybe Indra would still be with me now. Because we will never meet the evil sister Kayla. But maybe I won't even know Ivan.

Brother, I love you.. Loves you.. It has been 10 months we have been together, and the nature of Brother is very similar to Indra.

Brother never yells at me when I'm fussy, Brother never gets angry when I'm angry, Brother never treats me badly. Big Brother never gets annoyed when I behave spoiled with Big Brother.

I will be with you whenever.. There are only two names in my heart..

Muhammad Ravindra Yudistira..

And

Rivandi Nalendra's...

And now the one beside me is Brother..

I love you my handsome darling..

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