INSECURE, Love of the Past
PART 57*Beautiful beach *

I was silent on a big rock. Can't say anything, because my heart still hurts. Brother Ivan approached me, "I know you're very sad, but.. Can you just give me a little chance to make you laugh again?"

I closed my eyes and was silent.

"I know I'm no better than Indra, but at least I'll try to always be there for you."

"I don't want to get hurt anymore, brother.. I fear. This is heartache, brother. When he's in love, he's gone for good."

I covered my face with my hands, Brother Ivan approached me and hugged me. Trying to calm me down. Put my head on his chest.

"Rather than you sad continue, we take a walk on the beach yuk."

I just nodded.

We walked down the beach. The waves that continue to miss. One name I always say, only you, only you, my beloved. Although we can no longer unite, you are always in my heart. Although the body is impossible to meet, maybe in our dreams we will meet.

I tried to smile even though my heart was hurting. I have to get up. However life must go on.

'I'm just trying to be a part of you, I know it's hard, but I'm going to keep trying. I'm not giving up Mar.' Ivan's.

I saw Brother Ivan very happy to play with me. I have to try to open my heart. Opening my heart does not mean that I have a lover anymore, but it opens my heart to be friends with anyone. Open your heart to accept all the destiny God has given me.

I started to smile as Ivan tried to make me laugh. I know that's not Ivan's nature. Brother Ivan is very cold, but now I see warmth in him. The other side of Brother Ivan that I know now, he is also a gentle figure, almost the same as Indra. It's just that Indra is more expressive that Ivan tends to be more passive.

I don't mean to compare all the men who approached me with Indra. It's just, Indra is my dream lover. Because I am insecure with my mediocre face, so I want to have a partner who can understand each other. When I am angry, he can calm me down, and vice versa. Not selfish and not rude. All that is the nature of Indra, a man with full of tenderness.

I can't guarantee when I can move on from him.

I don't think I can ever move on, Indra will always be in my heart forever. Even though I'll get a new boyfriend. Even if I have a husband who is almost the same nature as her, Indra remains a beautiful memory of MY PAST LOVE. Memories will not be easily forgotten. He really appreciates me as a woman. Never touched me more, not even we've kissed. I don't know who's gonna get my first kiss.

I used to wish that Indra, who would get my first kiss, would be my husband forever. But destiny says something else. God separated us in unexpected ways. May Allah send someone better than Indra everything. For I know that all that God has given to his servant is the best.

...****************...