INSECURE, Love of the Past
Stayed again.

6 months later..

From then on, I got closer to Ivan. Even though we were just friends, I was happy. Because I'm not so sad anymore.

A few more months of class. Exactly 4 months left. And I chose IPS because I love accounting. The teachers and homeroom teachers advised me to go to the IPA, but I was not interested.

Meanwhile, Mr. Ivan, is preparing an agenda for class separation, and is busy taking care of the PMDK and SNMPTN..

The OSIS committee is busy doing their respective tasks.

But there is something different about Ivan. Why didn't he greet me this morning. Like he was agitated, and avoided me.

I didn't think much of it because there were already friends accompanying me, including Daffa. But I also came to know why Brother Ivan suddenly avoided me.

* POV Ivan

"Van, I already enrolled you in college in Canada." Orders from my father.

"But yeah, I don't want to go to college outside. I've already registered myself on ITB." I refused, but I couldn't.

"You don't want to be with dad. Soon my father's company will move there. And we're all gonna live in Canada."

"But I don't want to."

"Van, your father was right. Mother has bought a house there for our residence, and mother has also taken care of her administration. What makes you reluctant to stay there?"

"I, it's okay Mom."

I walked limp to my room. I stepped up with a shunt, and was no longer excited to go to school tomorrow.

'What about Maria? I promised I would always be there for her, but I also denied it. I should how? I'd better talk to Maria. I have to be honest, and don't want him to be disappointed later.'

That night I could not close my eyes. In a few months I will be parting ways with Maria, forever.

* POV Ivan end

"Mar, are you sure you're going to enter IPS?"

"Make sure Daffa."

"You're in the same IPA as me. So that someone can take care of you."

"I'm a big man, what to watch out for. We are still in school, too."

"Yes, but the teachers also advise you to enter the IPA."

"I'm not interested. My brain doesn't work if it's related to chemistry. I give up Daf, I prefer Accounting over Chemistry."

"Well, that's your decision."

"Yes, what's wrong?"

"Don't be here." Ivan pulled my hand and took me to the library.

As we passed through the other classes, everyone we passed whispered to each other. It made me even more uncomfortable because Ivan's brother was holding my hand.

"Sister, loose. I'm ashamed."

But Ivan didn't speak to me. We were at the library.

"I want to talk to you about something Maria."

"What?"

"After graduation, I won't stay here. I'll move to Canada and settle there."

Maria's heart was racing. "What's? So you too will leave me forever? Didn't you promise to stay with me even if we're just best friends?"

I don't know why I felt sick when Ivan spoke that. When I've started to feel comfortable around him and started to open my heart, but it has to be like this (Again).

I dropped my body on the floor. My eyes were just looking forward, I didn't know how to deal with this a second time.

When I really loved Indra, I lost her forever. Now when you start to feel comfortable, Brother Ivan will leave it for good too.

Wh why? why does it have to be like this again?.

Ivan did not speak a word. He lowered his knee to the floor and touched my shoulder and said. "I'm sorry Maria. I have broken my promise. I can't do anything anymore. My time to be with you is only 4 months away. I hope we can still be friends."

"No, brother, we better stay away. I don't want to feel more comfortable around Ivan. And I'll also try to be independent not depending on anyone 'cause it just makes me sick."

"But Mar, I really don't want to lose you. I love you the same. Ilove you. And I, will come back someday. I hope you will wait for me. Even though we're just friends right now, but I consider it more, I assume you're my girlfriend Mar."

I was just stunned to hear the words of Brother Ivan.

So, all this time he really loved me. But how could I possibly hold onto the promise of Brother Ivan who knows when to return. It's not even impossible that Ivan's brother will have a lover there. Ivan is handsome.

"I'm not sure what you're saying, brother. I don't know when you will return it's uncertain. I can only surrender. If Ivan really is my soul mate, one day he might come back again. But if not my soul mate, as strong as we maintain will still be separated, right? In any way."

Ivan was speechless no more. He helped me up and hugged my body. "Let me hug you just once Maria. Someday I'll be back."

I really want to drop the tears that have piled up in the corner of my eyes. But as much as I can hold it.. This warm hug, he won't get any more for good.. For the second time, I lost the man who made her comfortable.

Goodbye, Ivan.. Good bye Indra..

You are the men who have made me feel the true meaning of love. That love will still exist despite being separated by distance and time.

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