INSECURE, Love of the Past
Hearts of Ivan

After meeting with Sandra, Aldi came and said that at 8 pm his mother was allowed to go home. And Brother Aldi asked me why my eyes became puffy.

"Mar, why are your eyes so thick? In Ama Ivan's hospital?" He asked while looking at my face that was looking down.

"Enak aja lu.. I may not be sick with Maria." Replied Ivan, who was upset that Aldi had accused him.

"I'm okay Aldi.. Let's see how Mom is doing." My answer is to divert the conversation.

The three of us went back to the mother's ward, where a doctor was checking on her and we were allowed to go home tonight.

When we were all in the car, Brother Ivan who was beside me just kept quiet did not make a sound so with Kak Aldi and his mother who was in front. We were all silent without a word, no one spoke a single person.

I glanced at Kak Ivan, but Kak Ivan just looked ahead. I don't know what's on his mind right now. I felt Brother Ivan was thinking about something, several times Brother Ivan rubbed his face with both hands. I saw it was about to ask, but I paused.

* POV Ivan

I don't know why my chest hurts so much when I see her crying. Maria asked to meet Indra's mother and I already allowed her. I don't want to see him sad like that, I want to see him happy and smile even though my heart is hurt to see his eyes that there is still love for Indra there.

Am I not able to take the place of Indra in Mary's heart? But my love is so strong with you, I don't want to lose you and I will never want to part with you.

Until I will always love him even though his heart still belongs to Indra. I know Mary is trying to love me too, but I feel like I'm the only one who's given her so much love. I want Mary to do the same as me, to give me so much love.

I'm upset, I don't know how else to prove that I love her so much and hope that Maria also loves me sincerely and affectionately. I want Maria not to cry when I remember Indra, I do not want Maria to be sad every time I hear Indra's name.

I'm happy to be dating Maria now, but that doesn't mean I'm happy Indra left that way. I wanted to fight for Maria in a healthy way, not like Kayla.

I want to compete with Indra because if Indra is still around, I don't know if I can date Maria or if that's my only hope.

Maybe if Indra were still around, Maria would never want to be with me. And I'm sure Maria will still choose Indra to be her life partner.

I'm not giving up Mar!! I will keep trying so that you give your heart to me. And I won't let you down let alone cry like that. May you love me with all your heart.

As I was daydreaming, Maria touched my cheek gently until I turned to her and she asked,

"Sister why? How is diem? Is Brother angry with me?" Ask her whose tiny hand still touches my cheek gently.

"Dear, how could I be angry with you. I'm okay." I answered with a smile and held her hand that was still touching my cheek.

"Aren't you lying..?" Inquiringly.

"Don't tell me, baby, I'm not lying.. I'm okay." Trying to convince Maria that I'm not mad at her.

"Really yes? Brother don't lie to me."

"Yes dear.."

Soon we arrived at Aldi's house. Aldi and I helped my mother get into a wheelchair because she was still weak. After I finished everything, I said because the time had shown at 22:00 I was afraid to drive Maria home last night.

Fortunately tomorrow is Sunday, so Maria is calm and not worried that tomorrow will be sleepy at school.

I pretended to borrow the car was the same Aldi, but his mother Aldi was astonished and asked.

"Why should I ask Ivan's permission? It's a car..."

Mother's words were cut off by Aldi.

"Yes, take a van, consider it your own car.. We are friends.." Aldi answered while blinking his eyes at the mother.

We also told my mother and Aldi.

***

In car..

I was driving my car while Maria was sitting on the side. I turned to her for a moment but Maria looked at the window.

I called her name, "Mar.."

"What Brother?" He looked at me.

"I.... I'm gonna ask you." Suddenly I was nervous to talk about this.

"Ask what?" Maria looked at me who was driving the car, making me lose focus.

Since Maria's house was near, I stopped the 500m car from her direction.

"Why stop here, brother?" Maria asked who was getting restless because I didn't drive her to the front of the house.

"I want to talk to you." Seriously said.

"What??"

"Do you love me with all your heart?" I asked while looking at him with a serious look.

"Why did you ask that again?" I saw a look of fear on his face.

"Dearly airs.." I tried to dilute the atmosphere so that Maria would not be afraid and think to me.

"I love you Brother.. Why is my brother still asking the same question? What do I have to prove to you that you believe that I love you, sister?" He answered while looking hard at my face.

"I feel that if your heart is still for Indra, you are still sad to hear the name of Indra, you still cry when you remember the incident. Why?" I asked a little to dampen my emotions that somehow my heart feels very painful.

"Sister, every incident we go through cannot be forgotten. Indra is part of my life. He was there for me long before I knew him. Is Brother jealous of Indra who no longer exists? I'm disappointed with Brother's attitude.. Why can't you grow up?" Maria said, I just kept listening to her.

"I've been trying all this time to love you, brother, I've been trying to love you with all my heart. But the memories of Indra will not be erased just like that, I really hope Big Brother can understand my current situation. I have to prove to you what Brother wants you to believe that I love you already?"

"Don't tell me you want me to prove my love to my body!!"

DEG!!

I was shocked by Maria's words. I didn't think that far at all, I couldn't possibly do that and ruin this woman I love.

"Darling, why do you think that? I didn't think at all that far."

Maria was silent, she turned her face away from me...

And I saw tears running down her delicate cheeks..

* POV Ivan End

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