INSECURE, Love of the Past
Destinies

POV Ivan's

Maria had not been conscious for a week. I'm really stressed. I didn't want to do anything other than wait for him in the hospital, even my thesis was ignored because of this. Aldi, Daffa, and Zain always took turns comforting me, they always came to visit Mary.

As for Cantika, she was not saved and died along with her fetus. Tiara was hysterical, and so was Mary. Cantika died after 3 days in hospital due to heavy blood loss. And Cantika's rare blood makes it difficult for RS to find a suitable blood donor.

Dendi and his friends were sentenced to death for in addition to murder, they were also traffickers of prohibited goods. Sandra repeatedly apologized to me and mamah, she did not know her sister could be that close and fell into such a relationship.

And the police are very grateful to us for dismantling the syndicate of dealers who have been fugitives for a very long time.

My mother and father knew the problems that were happening to me here. They came back to Indonesia and tried to persuade me to have the spirit of life again.. But I can't. My heart ached when I saw him sacrifice himself for me. I should have protected him, not the other way around.

I'm at my lowest point right now. I saw the person I loved so much lying weak and struggling risking his life. What am I supposed to do? I continue to pray to God, may Mary be saved and able to recover as ever.

"Sir Ivan, eat there first. Let mama take care of Maria." Mamah.

"Gee, I'm not hungry." I answered while keeping my head down.

"Iwana.. I know it's tough but you have to take care of your health so that later when Maria wakes up, you can encourage her." Said my mother.

"Come on Van, we'll go out and eat." Bring dad.

Because they kept forcing me and my dad to go out to eat.

I was at the dining place. I ate with my father in that place but didn't taste a thing. My food was still plentiful and I was reluctant to spend it and dad could no longer force me to eat.

While I was daydreaming, the shadow of the event continued to haunt my mind. I started screaming as the shadow of Maria protecting my body was pierced by a knife. My head was so dizzy, it hurt so much that I was so panicked to see my condition.

Immediately my father grabbed me and took me to a rather quiet place. We both stayed in that quiet place. Dad tried to calm me down who already didn't control my own emotions.

"Van, Van conscious.. Istighfars." Father say.

I didn't listen to my father and kept pressing my head which was getting more and more painful...

"Van, Istighfar let's follow daddy. Astaghfirullah hal'adzim, aladzi laailaha illahuwal khayyul qoyyuumu wa atuubu ilaiih."

Father continued to lead me until finally the intense pain gradually disappeared.

I closed my eyes and began to take a stand solemnly in my heart. ",Astaghfirullah hal'adzim, aladzi laailaha ilahuwal khayyul qoyyuumu wa atuubu ilaiih."

It felt very soothing, and without feeling the tears flowing down my cheeks as I uttered an Istighfar in my heart. All this time I was not sincere about what was happening at this time in my life, I complained and blamed God for being unfair to me. This is all God's destiny.

There is always wisdom behind the tests we receive.. Yes pronouncing is easy, but the practice is very difficult. This pain is what I feel, but I also have to realize that there are no coincidences in this life, everything has been recorded and we only run the scenario of God.

I have to be able to get up and not complain, it's all the way and I have to be sincere no matter what. I can only continue to pray for Maria, hopefully quickly aware and can get through her critical period.

Forgive me, God..

Save Maria... Save him because I love him so much. But if you will any other, hold my chest and strengthen my fragile heart. I really can't imagine if you took it this fast away from me.

Give us the best according to you, O God, I try to be sincere and patient in all these trials. Because I know you have prepared happiness at the end of my path, you know everything and I do not.

The POV Ivan End

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I heard a mama's voice teaching her. I tried to open my eyes which felt very heavy. I kept trying and I was able to open my eyes, even though my eyes were vague and vague.

When I was lying down, I rolled my eyeballs around. I could only look up, my neck hurt as I tried to circulate my gaze to the right and left. There was a pain in my back that was unbearable..

I grimaced in pain, came over to me and smiled happily until I shed tears.

"Darling, you're a human? Praise be to Allah.." Speak mamah while holding my hand.

I just blinked my eyes and tried to smile even though it was very difficult.

"Well, let me call the doctor." His mother Ivan.

How long have I been unconscious?

Why does my whole body feel so sick?

And why are so many medical devices stuck in my body?

I wanted to ask my mommy, but I couldn't let out my voice even if I just whispered. My voice was stuck in my esophagus, it hurt.

Soon the doctor came and checked me out. He was called by a doctor to speak with four eyes in his room. Now in this room there is only me and his mother Ivan and Mela.

Brother Ivan came and was so happy to see me who was conscious and could already open my eyes.

"Alhamdulillah O Allah.. Honey, are you aware? I'm really shrewd. Thank you God." Said Brother Ivan.

Still the same as before, I can only blink my eyes and not be able to make a sound.

I just smiled, not wanting to see Brother Ivan worry about me any more. I saw his handsome face become a little dull from not being taken care of, his eyes were puffy and his lips were pale.

Not long later mamah came with a sad face, why mamah? What did the doctor say about my situation? Mamah seemed to be trying to smile even though I actually knew she was hiding something from me.

Unfortunately I can't speak for now, my voice doesn't come out as loud as I try. Hopefully nothing happens to me and my guess to you is not true.

I want everything to go back as it should.

Thank you God.. For all the favors you have given me...

May you always protect me and my loved ones..

Aamiin ya rabbal 'alamin....

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