INSECURE, Love of the Past
Dissipated

At 16:23

I finally got to the alley of my house. Indra guided me who was limping.. I knocked on the door and said my greetings, but there was no answer. Maybe mom is in the bathroom. I sat on the front porch for quite a while, and Indra still continued to worry about me.

"Mar, does it still hurt?" Indra asked as she touched my still-sick legs.

"Udah. You don't have to worry about it, I'm fine." I tried to calm him down that I was fine and didn't have to overdo it.

The door opened, you see me sitting on the porch immediately answering greetings..

"Waalaikumsalam. Neng kunaon eta sampeyan? Ningan aya getih na.?" (Neng why is that her leg? There is blood).

Indra who does not understand what is said mamah just dumbfounded. Indra is only 3 years old living in a sundanist neighborhood. Indra a combination of Betawi and Javanese, a little tau Sundanese but Sundanese language rough. Because hearing from his friends and he was the most downgraded Sundanese, if not cheating on me has been made sure every replay in the remedial continues.

"Oh henteu got Pacet." Indra immediately understood when I said Pacet, he immediately chimed in my words.

"Sorry, I can't take care of Maria. I didn't know that Pacet was suddenly at Maria's feet." It was clearly Indra who lowered her head and looked once at her guilty face.

"Yes A, don't feel guilty like that, it's not Aa's fault. Indeed, in such a place it is common to get Pacet, so it must be carefully fitting in its path." Answer the mother who understands that it is not her fault.

"Yes, sorry, I want to go home first. Mar, I'm going home first. Assalamualaikum."

"Getishalight." Answer me and mama.

***

After taking a shower, praying and eating, I sat on the bench. I just fell silent and daydreamed. Mamah saw the turmoil of my heart, yes her name mother must know what her children feel even if we try to hide it.

Mom is a great person who has always been my inspiration. After papah no mamah fought alone to advance his hijab shop that again drop. Twisting my brain so I can eat and dress properly. Mamah also thought about my future so that I could go to college and succeed in the future.

Mama is not weak and does not want to be pityed by others because of her status that a widow and mamah are not selfish just for her own pleasure.

If you want, a year after Papah left, you will be married again. There are so many widows who want to marry mamah, because mamah is beautiful and kind. But Mama still could not open her heart to another man. Mamah said, no other man is as good and sincere as papah. Papah love makes mamah can not move on even though he has left us in this world for years.

Mamah thought of me, mamah would not if I had an irresponsible stepfather who only hitchhiked life for the effort that has been mamah struggle. Mamah said that mamah will be happy even if there is only me, the child only wayangnya and does not lack anything because it only has me it is already very valuable to mamah.

I am very dear to you, more than anything in this world. I want to make you happy during it. The sacrifices and struggles that you made for me are clearly stored in my memory and will never be erased at any time.

"Dear Eneng, why did he just? From earlier mamah seein neng ngelamun continue. Is there a problem?" Mama approached me who was sitting daydreaming on the sofa.

"What's wrong? The same story as mama."

"So at the Indra waterfall said that he loved the same Eneng, the same love Eneng long ago. But Eneng does not believe mah, where maybe the handsome Indra love is the same ugly Eneng."

"Who's the ugly mama's son? Your son is beautiful, who said that? Gotta be angry with mamah kayak like that mah, tuman!! It's as if."

"Eh no one said mah, Eneng who felt not pantes have a handsome girlfriend like Indra."

"Eneng do not feel inferior or close to Indra. Mamah can see that Indra is sincerely affectionate with Eneng. Said mamah mah Indra teh well neng, polite. It can not possibly hurt Eneng. It's up to Eneng to be accepted or engga, mamah mah agreed anyway want how.".

"Yes, but Eneng is upset."

"Mamah just ask for the same Eneng, do not date outside the limits. Keep the honor of Eneng, mamah believe Eneng as well as aa will not be like that."

"Thank you for believing the same. Neng promises will not destroy your trust as Eneng."

"Yes, now mah Eneng rest, do not in the mind continue to fear it will hurt. Mama loves you as good."

"Eneng is also very dear to you." I hugged my mom and kissed my cheek.

I went to my room with a bad feeling. On the one hand I love getting the attention of Indra and getting her love. But on the other hand, I'm afraid to eat the same heart of courtship as a handsome guy.

True said mamah, Indra was polite and very kind. He can take people's hearts his own way. It can make them (the people) around him like it.

Looks like I have to give Indra a chance. Tomorrow I'll tell him I'm ready to be his girlfriend. Provided, Indra is not being rude to me and always guarding my honor.

I think it's easy for Indra, because as long as I'm close to her she just hugs me when I feel sad. A warm hug that made me feel comfortable being around him. He never intended to do more than that, and that was my consideration for accepting his love.

Fix, I will accept Indra's love and I am ready to be her boyfriend. I will not care about people's words, and will not be a father anymore. I will change, because Indra is always beside me and encourages me to be confident.

I won't be inferior anymore, it's all because of you Indra. Because you always make me mean something.

Thank you, thank you for all the love you have given me. I will never hurt your heart and I will try to love and love you with all my heart and as sincere as my soul.

...****************...