If Tomorrow Is Coming
Ch 50-Real

The next morning, I woke up as usual. But I feel something is different

:"This is not my room"

Looking over here, stay in that big bed until a girl enters the room.

The girl who was empty, was clearly visible on her face. His face was pale and his eyes were empty. Like refusing to accept life.

The girl was carrying a very long, thick rope and went to her window and opened the window

I thought maybe he wanted to bun*h himself, but I wouldn't stop him. Because it was her own choice

He tied the rope to the middle of the window, then gant*ng himself.

...----------------...

Unaware of being woken up, the dream disappeared. I don't know what, but it's like he's showing you an easier way without a sound

I got up from my bed as usual, decided to take a chance

I went to take a shower and changed my clothes with a comfortable hoodie, with casual pants that were ordinary but looked fashionable

Go downstairs and tell my sister, that I want to go to a psychologist myself. "I've memorized it" I told him

My brother gave me a lot of money, and made sure I had a cell phone with me to call him when it was tough.

He trusted me for who I was, so no wonder he let me go alone

.

.

The distance from home to the nearest hospital is still quite far, such as the distance from my home school in the city, while the hospital is closer at least a little closer than the school

.

Waiting for the bus at the stop as usual, while thinking about many things.

"Go or not?" "What do I have to answer?" "What am I supposed to tell you?" And so forth

Anxiety is in me, anxiety and confusion as to what. I'm just trying to stop all that thinking, because if it keeps happening, then it could be that I'll relapse again.

All the way on the bus, I just stared at the glass. Not looking anywhere else. Until the moment the bus got off at my destination

.

I got off the bus and went straight into the hospital, asking the psychologist for his part. I aimed at one room. Actually I remember. Just a check. (No, actually I forgot. Because I've lost my memory the last few years, somehow because of what)

I entered the room and was greeted kindly, perhaps by the doctor who used to handle me?

:"Hello deck hanabi, all alone?"

:"Yes"

Ah, it's true

.

:"How long has it been.. You've been feeling good for a few years?"

:"Hopefully so, every year is only haunted by a sense of emptiness and strange dreams many times. Maybe the dream suggested I end my life"

:"Don't say that. You can't talk like that"

:"That's right, but it's wrong too. With evidence that means I relapse again without any readiness. Look who's the most annoying between my body and the doctor. The difference is clearly visible in the eyes"

Criticize others and myself, while he only listens without commenting. I er us berate maki, constantly without thinking of anything. It hit me while I was consulting

.

.

:"Why are you angry without feeling? even your expression is so empty. Want to repeat again after restoring the vacuum?" Said understands

:"No, please give me tips or whatever so that I can still live tomorrow. With the proof of graffiti in hand you should have understood why not"

I showed my left and right hands. Shows incision marks and ansaplas (?) which was almost dislodged because I rubbed hard while taking a shower. Even if it causes injury

:"You.why?... You don't like this hand of yours?"

I grumbled again

......................

Today is enough to get here. The doctor asked me to come back next week

.

It's late, but I still want to be outside. With the rest of the money I was given, I went around looking for food to bring home

On foot, stop by here and buy whatever I like and can eat. From regular snacks, to typical snacks that I like.

Kebab, burger cart, French fries, Fried chicken and many more

I find many typical snacks in some areas, because it's Sunday night, so many visitors here

I bought a big takoyaki, some grilled seafood you always see at the night market, and iced tea

.

After I thought long enough I was out, night came

I decided to call the house person for an invitation. Then my brother will pick me up

...****************...

At home, my sister asked me about my consultation

I only submit a sheet of paper containing data about complaints/diseases what I experienced

Well, the result is the same as it used to be. At least this one is reduced by 1

Memories that are always lost without cause can come back again without cause. If I search g**gle, most of the causes are brain

I often beat my head and hit it in every place, so why panic. It was my own thing anyway

.

.

The night came, like an ordinary man. I went back to my room and slept. This time it didn't open the window, really. I don't want to look for 'cause

...ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ...

1 Week I went through with self-harm that always covered the day. And Sunday came again

This time, I was escorted by my brother to the hospital, after which he only gave me money like yesterday and paid to go to work. Don't forget he told me to activate my phone

.

.

.

After some time passed, the consultation went smoothly with the curse I gave to the doctor and myself

The doctor still advised me to come back, with the offer that I would buy a toy that I could not have as a child

I forgot what it was, but I just told the doctor and left the hospital. Go find food

This time I did not want street food, I decided to go to the mall and look for a restaurant

Just for dinner. I ordered the meat rice and ramen of course, added with a cold ocha tea

.

After I finished eating, I went around the mall. Buy a few small items and go home by bus

.

2 Weeks went well, right? but maybe the next day will no longer be as I thought

With the results of an unsatisfactory consultation, I returned to being a child who used to cry because it was not released from the embrace. And just want mat* as a purpose of life

~ch50 finish~

Sankyu!