If Tomorrow Is Coming
Ch 13 - Complaints to myself

I want to stay outside.I don't want to be here anymore.I'm bored.I want to get out.please let me out..

come on, I just want to have fun like everyone else.Is that a big mistake? am I not worthy to do all that?

can I only dream of the life I want, right? can't I get it in reality? at least reset the time! I want time to repeat! again And again, I love it when I'm free outside There without any burden emanating.

they say I'm not alone here, a lot harder than I am. Then why isn't anyone accompanying me? I also want to have a lot of friends.I want to play with them.

I saw so many posts here.look at those in the crowd, look at those running around.

I want everything. Please let me be like them...

:"AKHHHHHH" cried Hanabi in his room

:"GO MY USELESS BASE!!" shouted hanabi who threw her cellphone until hit the wall

:"didn't I have all that?! then why do I still want more?!" said hanabi slapped herself

hanabi cried and continued to slap herself so hard.The vivid red color on her cheek, it imprinted.

:"PLEASE BE AWARE! breng*ek.." cried Hanabi again slapping her face harder.

:"hikss.. hiks. hhh.." hanabi who cried.

*hanabi covered her mouth with her Left hand, while her right hand held tightly to her leg (thigh) and trembled violently

:"let me mat*..repe all these stories.please...!!!!!" the word hanabi is almost inaudible because it is covered in hands.

that night there was no one at home. There was only himself, and his thoughts kept haunting him.

:"mat* only, SHOULD MAT* ONLY!!!"

:"hiks.. hiks.kkhh.."

hanabi's mind always says mat* continuously.

:"let me be in the outside world once more." said hanabi slowly holding her painful chest.

:"once more. once.." his words increasingly held tightly to his chest.

tightness, just tightness and difficulty breathing that I feel tonight.

.

.

.

am I useful in this life? am I reliable in this life?

I'm relied on by everyone, which means I'm useful, but they disappear when I'm in trouble. So, that means I'm only used, right?

- was there never a chance? I said to myself. "look ahead, don't duck again." What am I doing now?

do they like someone who is perfect? but no one is perfect in this world..

can you please. don't compare me to them..? they and I are a different person.Stop continuing the debate about who gets hurt the most..

the question.

am I the one who always thinks negative, or am I the one who always lows?

am I wrong, or is my mind wrong?

if someone hadn't destroyed one thing in my life, would this never have happened?

hanabi with her mind full control, chest that feels very painful, so sick. Hanabi who began shortness of breath, difficult to breathe, until it feels like mat*.

crying all night. Although there were some moments where he was determined to stop crying and positive thoughts, but his mind always haunts him with the word mat* endlessly.

making her unable to stop crying And beating herself up nonstop. The pain she felt in her body, much better than the pain in her chest that churned as if saying "i'm tired".

her mind was already in full control of her. Even occasionally unknowingly hanabi walked to the big window in her room, opened Dan jumped out the window.

hanabi unlocks her hp and searches for apk chat.

hanabi sees the contact name "lily<3" but when Hanabi wants to contact her, Hanabi thinks.

:"what if I bother him? what if after this he hates me? it's so late" inner hanabi.

hanabi was really hesitant to contact lily.

finally he looked for other contacts. Also seen contact name "kenzo~!". Hanabi thought the same thing again.

while he is unlikely to contact his mother or even his older brother (shahiro). he does not want them to think about his problems.

even when he saw the contact name "kak rei", he was also reluctant to contact her.

finally Hanabi put her cellphone on the small table next to her mattress and Hanabi stood still there staring at her cellphone which she felt was useless at all.

:"then I have to rely on whom?! I can't rely on myself!! help u! help!!!" inner hanabi

*hanabi retreated quickly And hit the wall, he fell there and fell asleep with his own (fainted).

it's not her first time hanabi like this. the day after Ley's death she was like this as well.in fact almost months, even months,

- without anyone knowing.

it's long gone, and now is it gonna happen again?

don't be afraid, I won't, at least hope so..

morning

:"hg..."

hanabi opened her eyes.she only realized that all night she was crazy and fainted in her room.

clearly visible room that is quite messy.it also looks a little tear marks everywhere, it is clearly visible because of the Sunlight.

:"ha.. haha" hanabi who can only laugh a little while drowning his head behind his hands. (a person's pose with legs And hands becomes a wedge (pillow) head(?))

"stupid"

hanabi murmured to herself

that day Hanabi was supposed to meet with Lily Dan kenzo to set out together for the dream academy to carry out the entrance test.

but Hanabi says she's going to Sana tomorrow, because she has some business. Hanabi lied to them and locked herself in her room all day.

he tried to sleep but always could not.he even thought to buy sleeping pills.

his thoughts continued to drift everywhere and made it difficult for him to fall asleep.

he expects everything. Hallucinations fill his brain.

until the afternoon began, visible in his eyes.the panda's eyes were not too clear it. His body was stiff because there was no energy at all, no energy at all, his head is dizzy and his chest still feels a little pain.His body is trembling because from the morning he did not eat anything at all.

he picked up the phone near his bed, opened the phone and looked for his mother's contact and Hanabi called him.

:"iya hello? why hanabi" asked her mother behind the phone

:"bu, you will eat" Hanabi replied on the phone

:"Do you want to eat what mother's child??" ask her mother on the phone

*hanabi answered her mother while holding back her tears.

the phone was switched off, and that afternoon Hanabi cried again nonstop.Lying on her mattress covered both her eyes And uttering words of criticism to herself.

-when will I perish?

~ch13 finish~