If Tomorrow Is Coming
The 40-Crying Ch was so loud!

flashbacks

an unceasing cry, crying in the arms of a tall older brother.

:"hanab..."

:"hiks... HUWAAA WANTS TO DIE!! I WANT MATIII... WHY DO I ALWAYS FAIL TO DIE.. GOD WANTS ME, I'M TIRED.. I WANT MATIII.. ABAKKKK"

:"hanabie!"

:"SISTER I WANT TO KILL ME BROTHERKK.. PLEASE.."

:"hanabi calm down!"

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there were many footsteps approaching, swarming.clearly visible from the shadows that were getting darker and also heard from the voices of people who whispered to their words

but the taste is empty.all of it is wrong. EVERYTHING IS WRONG

PLEASE GET OUT OF HERE, PLEASE! I ASKED FOR HELP, BUT WHY WON'T ANYONE HELP ME?! GODDAMN IT!!!! siall's....

:"BIGGIRL.. WANNA DIE.. I'M GONNA DIE... LET ME DIE..."

:"that kid who almost killed himself, right?"

:"so sorry, I really want to hug and calm her down.."

:"son.., what's up"

:"grandfather don't say that, you still have a future"

:"boy believe me, you're so great.don't cry anymore huh?"

blablablabla. all that babbling. I hate her.

that was the past, when I was diagnosed with depression.it was when I was a kid, maybe when I was in 3rd grade? I've forgotten about that.

memories of the past that are slowly forgotten, may come back again on a certain day, and maybe that will make you try to find a new path.

l'm tired? yes, I am very tired.I am tired of looking at the past and those creepy thoughts.it is very painful even though I hold it in order not to be remembered in this head again

ruined it? no, I can still get up. Baby, I just don't dare to look forward lightly.it's all very hard to do

after all those bad times, those memories scared me, I tried to forget them but it couldn't be as fast as I thought it was creepy, it was scary.it was scary

And when you try to focus yourself elsewhere, you'll be wiped out right in the middle of it

You'll die in that place and have no one to bring you back. That's what you're gonna think

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I forgot what I was doing right now, what was I doing?

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I went home in my room, stayed in bed, closed my eyes and listened to music.

rilexing was brief before the panic struck again

yes, this is very tiring, but activities and thoughts are always disturbing and make me forced to walk again even though the body collapses and difficult to wake up

I hear a lot of stories.The difficult life of the people around me is what makes me feel that I just lack "gratitude".

everyone does have their own problems, and God knows that problems can only be supported by people who are chosen, he said, other people will never be able to and maybe they might give up even if only a few moments.I often hear it, very often.

from childhood until now, nothing really good in my opinion.I am still happy because many people are by my side and loyal. but still nothing can beat my dirty mind.

I hate pleasantries, hate every gossip that people talk about. I hate to hear the curses of childish and rule-less people, he said, maybe even that person doesn't care about the feelings of the person he's talking to.

somehow his sense of annoyance.like I want to scold everything but my mouth can only be tightly closed.

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all I want is to be calm for a few days, relaxed and peaceful, but there is a rush that forces me to follow it to change all destiny.

moreover, this mind that can not be invited to work together, which always controls everything and is difficult to stop. What I do, surely my mind can make all the activities that are running into a negative side that looks real and scary.

WANT TO DIE AND DIE TO DIE....

Inner grumbling. I really want to be free from pressure which is why it's uncertain. Because I was tired and could hardly bear it anymore

I don't really know where I'm lacking, and what I need to do to get things back to normal. Have you ever felt envious of someone whose life is very cheerful? full of smiles even if you don't know what the reality is.

At least, just want to feel her happy self. If this heart is empty and can not be filled again, and although it can but not felt. It would be nice if I died or not to at least be someone else. That's perfect for me

I also believe you must have heard or seen stories or songs that have meaning about mental and depression. I don't know what that song or story is like

My only source of passion was in songs that meant dying, like, "i wanted to die but I held it in". Many songs have such meaning

Sometimes it's hard to stop talking. Am I right?

Back to our story, honestly. I forgot everything here, haha

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Morning greeted me, I fell asleep at home

Tok

:"Hanabi, get up and let's have breakfast, I'll buy you your favorite food" Sis-shahiro said in a soft voice

:"Yes" My heart from inside the room

I got out of the room, went down the stairs and headed for the kitchen of course. See many of my favorite foods, burgers, kebabs and more

I took 1 each, of course, I looked for the largest size. Put it on a plate and moved to eat in the living room while watching TV

:"Today you want to go to school?"

:"No, hanabi males"

:"Jaudah, get enough rest. Later brother Permin" reply Brother shahiro again

Tau no? the reason why when someone is mentally disturbed, lazy to do anything? because they are tired of life. "Want to live it as you wish". And of course, they always have problems with people around them. They can even give any reason they want when they are really tired of the activities they do.

Hahahaha, that's an amazing thing

Nothing really hurts really, just too tired until everything's fucked up

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:"So I'm leaving for a while, I'm out of town, and cookies are in the dorm. Call brother whenever you need something"

:"Ok, thank you very much brother shahiro"

:"Yes, spend the meal"

:"Ready"

there is no day that begins with joy. I'm sure you were destroyed before and pretended to be happy

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Sick? Whereabouts? It's invisible, isn't it?

Because of that pain, you're alive. Just imagine, you've never felt broken in your life, and then suddenly something broke you. I'm sure you won't live now, why? Because you always feel happy, until finally once attack you extinct. Vim

- arisawa miya

~ch 40 finish~

sankyu!