If Tomorrow Is Coming
Ch 49-I have to evolve

The morning arrived

.

You just woke up from sleep, but your mind is so messy that there is no more spirit that makes you feel that you need to wake up

Just want to keep sleeping and sleeping without a care of time. Yeah, I feel it. I just need to get up to go to school

Anyway, if I don't go to school today. There will be a lot of calls coming from my 3 friends. And I am easily distracted now.

...----------------...

After the shower, I had breakfast in the kitchen and said goodbye to school, with Kuki. Riding the usual bus, then taking my little brother to his dorm

.

:"Be careful not to run"

He just laughed and ran to his friends. Waving her hand meant saying goodbye

:"Brothers go yes, drugs" I said back to his hand

:"Bad brother" Shouted some children there

.

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I went to school as usual, approaching Lily who was waiting at the gate

:"Yo!"

Pat Lily on the shoulder, and she looked over

:"Well? how is it here??"

:"I nganter my sister earlier, the dormitory is just at the end" I replied while pointing at the dormitory of the Kindergarten children

:"Obright... Yesudah, go straight to class. Did you eat?"

:"Udah eat, go straight to class. We have a lot of PR"

:"Yes, yes, haha"

Relax as usual

...****************...

Arriving in the afternoon, Ding Dong

The bell home from school sounded

.

Me and Lily, we're planning on taking a walk this afternoon. I don't know where we think about it, we'll choose different places to visit

......................

Until I got home, I took a shower and changed my clothes with more comfortable clothes

Black hoodie with training pants, plus a jacket I tied around my waist

I brought money about 300k.Tak forgot to bring a cell phone of course. Beware again to go out

.

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We went to malls, parks, museums, and some other places in the city

Bought a lot of stuff and food, until night was seen in our eyes

:"Ih, it's already malem. We're going home now?" Lily asked who was busy eating

:"If you still want to snack later"

:"Judah let's buy street food!"

He immediately ran away from the long chair

I followed him from behind

.

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:"Joah, we have to go home. It's 9 and a half"

:"You're right, I came home by bus. No need to worry"

:"really? why don't I just take you??"

:"No problem, I also want to enjoy the night"

:"Your habits, but be careful. Your phone should always be held ok?"

:"Yes yes, you're careful too"

:"Okeeeee"

Then we split up there

.

While waiting for the bus at the stop, I remembered whether at this hour the bus was still operating.

:"I'm not senile, am I?" My mind immediately spoke

.

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I just got home because the bus was fully operational, plus, it was the last bus operating that night

Go back to the bathroom and shower again, change my clothes. I wear simple clothes with shorts that I usually wear every day

Go to the kitchen, and eat the food there

.

Haven't felt it for long enough. Sometimes it hurts a lot more. Did I just tell my sister?

I want to tell you a lot of things, but I don't know where to start

Want to show this and many other things that I think are amazing. I don't know if people will like it or not

But if it's hidden then I'm overwhelmed too. It feels like I don't deserve to live. You can even bun*h yourself because of that feeling

The desire to hurt myself that keeps coming makes me more anxious about my condition

Can I hold on for the next few months? I thought for the time to come

To be honest, I'm somewhat sorry for being focused on activities. So I have no readiness to face all this

.

Yeah, I was sitting in my window, leaning in there. While looking down. If you want to know the structure of my house, about this

My house has 4 floors, and my room is on the 4th floor

Whether I wanted to take it high or not, I just thought at least it could hurt me

Furthermore, the kitchen area and living room on the 1st floor, the workspace on the 2nd floor, and the guest rooms, mother father, and brother Shahiro and bathroom are on the 3rd floor

On the 4th floor there is not only my room, but a warehouse and a place to relax one family (usually)

.

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I heard that Brother Shahiro has come home, talking to his father and mother

When I wanted to get out, I accidentally remembered something wrong. Yeah, I put a rope under my bed. A rope I can wear... Ahh forget it

I went downstairs, and asked them for their time to listen to me for a moment

.

:"Mother, father, brother Shahiro. Can I tell you a story?"

:"Byeah, what's wrong" said Mother. While the others nodded

:"Look, it looks like I'm relapsing. Well, I guess so"

:"So that's why the butterflies are in your hands, sweet sister?" Said Shahiro while stroking my head

:"How do you know?"

:"Then you went to the kitchen, right? and brother in the living room. Without you realizing it, brother saw your hands full of beautiful butterflies" he replied in detail

:"Dear Hanabi, want to go to a psychologist again?" Ask mom in a soft tone

:"No dare"

I kept shaking my head, which meant saying no

Father and brother Shahiro persuaded, while mother waited for my own choice

:"Don't like to see the hospital"

:"The psychologist can be called to the house" said Mother again

:"How will the neighbors respond? They're basically trash talking all the way here. At least I just want to tell you a story, thanks"

After saying that, I went to my room and locked the door

Then I went to sleep.

.

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Life is hard, right?

in the end you fall for the last time. No, for the umpteenth time

Sometimes, things don't have to be done alone

Disappointment is natural, because the world will not grant all your will unless you try, and really get it with your own efforts.

Even if we are tested with something painful

But with the support of ourselves it makes us so tough. Because it is proof that we can still survive and be patient from all problems

You know, sometimes when we think we may not get the likes of people, it turns out they are really captivated and like us loh, hah like it's the effect of overthinking/negative thinking. It feels at night under the stars, alone, and cold. Something will warm us, right?

.

.

Today's words, at least as motivation. Because honestly I'd rather curse myself than motivate myself

Maybe tomorrow I should be more excited.

~ch49 finish~

Sankyu!