If Tomorrow Is Coming
Ch 45-Happy and empty

We went home, but Rion's direction was different, so we split up halfway

:"See you later Rion"

:"Yes, see you. Don't forget about school"

:"Yes"

Then we split up on that road

I continued my path straight ahead. While looking at the phone, there are times when I even daydream

aih, annoying

Today's afternoon is comfortable, the sky is bright orange with a mixture of yellow and red that makes it look like a painting of the world

Even though compared to that, I still prefer the view of an empty but cool night. More domineering with me which in fact still feels empty

.

.

Mother's day will end tomorrow, and it will be an ordinary day again

This time I want myself to change, make my mother believe that I am capable of living it. Must.

No longer do I want to see my mother cry when I cry in a quiet place, in my room. Self-impaired. And almost bun*h himself

I want to be a cheerful child, I want to be a mentally independent child. Don't want to trouble. I don't want to be a burden. Just want to be free. Always free.

Whoa! What a horrible thought!

I almost went crazy because of it, really terrible. I got goosebumps thinking about that. I wish I'd go back to normal again, because it's annoying.

...----------------...

:"I'm home"

:"Welcome dear Hanabi, come eat, we wait for you" said my father to welcome me at the door

:"Thank you"

Then I went into my house

.

.

In the night, the night is silent

Again the window of the room was opened by me, revealing the night sky and the cool air

Downstairs and crying for no apparent reason

.

:"Ahhh, look who's crying today, why am I so troublesome"

I said grumbling to myself

:"Hahaha, I'm sick of seeing myself being swept away by this obscure thought. It's enough I feel crazy, lest I feel more and more that I deserve mat*."

Continuing to grumble no matter my own feelings of being hurt by my speech, I did this only so that I could recover, return to normal again.

I could only cry and cry, until I wanted to get a hug from someone.

No matter what my thoughts were, I just continued to babble and cry in the moonlight of the night

The night passed with a cry, and the morning began to come

Hour 03.00

I fell asleep under that window, sleeping on the cold floor

Until there was a knock on the door in my room, it came from the bathroom

:"Ahhh noisy. Fucking ghosts, if you want to disturb not now"

Said me running out of the room

Towards my mother and father's room, I immediately slept in the middle of them. Sleep flipped over and covered my face with the pillow I got there

And that morning came, my mother woke me up at 06:00

I just kept up, got up and left my parents' room, while my mom asked me why I could move

I just answered "the kid is coming again"

Then I just nodded, knowing what I meant

.

Morning by noon

I was in my room, contemplating, and started talking to myself

Started asking for the existence of the sweet girl

:"Where are you? In the bathroom?"

There was no response.

Then ask again

The bathroom door suddenly opened wide

I don't like ghosts, because I also act like a crybaby.

:"Fu!! What are you doing in my bathroom!!"

I was upset, immediately called my mother in her room and asked her to throw him out again like before

Dad's coming, come in my room

While I was in the bathroom, I didn't know what to do

After mom came out, I just said there was no problem

.

:"Don't tell me I'm relapsing again?"

My words are getting creepy

...----------------...

It's been almost 3 days that I've pondered whether I'm back gil* or still sane

I really think about whether I am healthy or not. My eating is irregular. Sleep me scrambled. I've done almost nothing else.

Everything stops so much I don't want the past coming back

:"Mother, I want mat*"

:"Why are you talking like that?, here baby, calm down"

:"But I want mat*"

:"Don't talk like that, you're sad"

:"I want mat*"

I repeated it many times until I felt empty

Continues to repeat until it does not feel 1 week continues to run the same way. Same, but not exactly the same. Just so I can calm down

Recovering your mind is not that easy. Even if you think enough with 1 or 2 activities, busyness. Then healed up

Even to restore the mind alone, 2 weeks is still said to be unable to recover at all. Can it be more than 1 month? 2 Or 3 months? and then try to heal mentally.

To be honest I'm sick of empty stories like this. Makes me not excited to tell her

But whatever time has to keep changing

Pray that I recover quickly, because I want to laugh with my friends again. Without warning, the rules.

I want to go back to school, but my mind can't even work together.

Even after getting out of prison.

All right, I don't want to tell you anything. I want to recover, that's all. So what about the words before the new year arrives?

All right, here we go.

.

In a minute, in a few days. What are you going to do on New Year's Eve?

celebrating because it's an opportunity?

I pray for you, recover your mind. Be the best version of yourself. Always be enthusiastic, always be grateful for all life even though it is bitter.

I hope for you, change so that you can laugh real, sincerely. Fly high in pursuit of your future, because I believe you can achieve that. Smiling takes away your negative thoughts. Play your favorite song, then sing it so that your heart is calm.

Thank you, thank you for 1 year. You can hold on, you're great. Thank you for all your struggle against this world, oppressing yourself to stay alive. Thank you for all the smiles, an apology from you that made me want to stay because of you. You're a hero, you're a hero in your own life. I really am saying thank you

.

Ahhh, I'm tired. Is it time to sleep?

Hours 12.00

Still noon? alright. I'll just eat

.

:"Dad, what food is there today?"

:"There are kebabs and pizzas today. I bought it for you"

:"Thank you very much"

:"Dad not working?"

:"New year soon. I took a leave of absence so I could be in my new year with my dad's family who I love"

:"Excellent, thanks again"

:"Let's eat, I'm sure you'll be full afterwards"

:"Ok"

~ch 45 finish~

Sankyu!