If Tomorrow Is Coming
Ch 37-Gorge

what day is this? oh, friday.

I forgot about it, well, after all it doesn't matter. It's still night.

more precisely, morning.

I didn't sleep all night and just daydreamed until morning came.

now show me at 03:39, I can't sleep.

I might end up here, really like a loaf of bread. It might taste good and of course tasteless, it could be sweet because there is sugar on top of it, but it's still plain because it's filled with nothing. not everyone likes bread without filling.

it may also be similar to a balloon attached to tape. While trying to remove the tape attached to the balloon, the balloon actually broke. it eventually failed and was destroyed by it.

exhausting.that's his words

everyone is really just focusing on their physical love and problems, while I think life is not fun whatever it is, whether I'm really happy or not, I always forget the fun stuff, because of course problems always arise after that.

even when I like someone, surely he will disappear also in time.time continues to spin, the future will come. But I am like a robot that runs out of batteries. yes, dead on the spot.

you have time to stand up again, get up. You have time to cry, so cry right then and there.

it's too complicated for me, there's no way I'm going to solve everything at the same time, which I hope is at least, a minute, no, a second. let me be free of this.

ahhhhhhh.

tired of hope, but it is impossible to blame the situation.all have the process, but already tired first.all have a path, but instead give up in the middle of the road.all things are very complicated.

everything keeps turning in the head, turning and turning and repeating maybe until I die later.

I want sleeping pills, I really can't sleep. I need sleeping pills so I can sleep.

as long as I can survive, allow me to kill this thought.

I don't know when it's gonna end.I'm probably gonna change things a little later.I don't care what happens.

friday, 12:00, at school

:"hanabi, you'd rather hang out today

what persambet?" ask lily

lily was sitting next to me at this break, yes, we're in the canteen now.with kenzo and rion as well of course

:"you're not forcing yourself, are you?" ask Lily again suddenly

:"uh? ah. no really"

:"don't joke, I don't want you to get hurt anymore" he replied

:"really, I didn't push myself. I just wanted to try"

:"if there is any story ok?" rion

:"yes yes.."

I just smiled bitterly at those who were looking at me with those pitying eyes, as if I wouldn't be able to do anything without them! Again these stupid negative thoughts!

never mind, it is better to continue eating only. The break hours will be over soon.

.

.

classier

I just read a book from the library that I haven't finished yet.it's full of material that I can't understand.

the hours of the lesson, lately everything feels boring.it just makes me sleepy.

when there is a lesson that I like, I am even the most idiot there.when usually I can immediately understand and answer correctly completely.I am really disappointed with the daily results this time

until the last hour of the lesson, I really couldn't concentrate at all. I was just sleepy and thinking about something else

at school, I went home alone.I should have waited for Rion, but I said on the phone that I was busy so I couldn't wait long.

.

.

I went to the bathroom to wash my face, I don't want to take a shower today.it's so lazy

I look in the mirror in the bathroom, look at my usual self. Really, I look normal, I'm fine. But why am I so scared? at first glance I also saw other people looking at me and maybe he was the one who scared me, even though I didn't know him.

I came out of the bathroom and went to bed and fell asleep afterwards.My dream was beautiful:)

.

.

.

at 01:48, I woke up thirsty. I went out of the room down the stairs and into the kitchen.

finished taking a drink, I saw rion in the living room.it seemed like he was crying

:"are you having nightmares?" askaku approached her

she was surprised by my voice, and wiped her tears quickly.

:"yeah, yes, it's scary" she replied, not seeing me.

I sat next to him, giving him my drink which I originally wanted to take to the room

:"settle yourself" I said

:"thank you" he replied

to be honest, I can't speak. Maybe I'm the one who is too much. This can be proven by the presence of others who have more painful problems than me

at least I want to feel relieved, but I can't. I'm still scared of things that don't really exist. I don't know what I'm afraid of.

I just listened to Rion tell me about his nightmares, with no answer. I just listened. at least until he stopped

I stroked Rion's shoulder, trying to calm her still frightened self while she tried to calm herself down

after everything came back to peace, Rion suddenly asked a question that made me want to run away from him

:"why didn't you tell me your problem?" tannya

I who suddenly heard that could only fall silent not knowing what to answer

because from any vision, I'm sure it doesn't make any sense, should I answer "i don't know what's going on, so I'm not talking about anything" or "i'm just crazy. that explains it"

it's weird if I say that. Why not? the words "crazy" and "not knowing" are very illogical

:"I don't know" I replied

I went straight from there and closed the door

all I saw last time was rion with his confused and anxious facial expression.I really hate this selfish character of mine.It would be nice to make a new character better.

in my room I was just daydreaming. gazing at the night without the stars sparkling.The night was very quiet

though I know there are many stars in space that surround it. sometimes I can get a new meaning just by thinking about something simple like this

an example is this time, Again I feel like I want to make words of encouragement from what I feel and see right now

.

you may feel alone at this time, confused and frightened for no definite reason, while the night sky always comes even without anyone accompanying. just like you who until now are still accompanied by good people around. indeed can not always expect their existence, but be independent, rise up for them.

and the end is this. Maybe I'll try everything, repeat everything.I hope it really works.

~ch37 finish~

sankyu!