Suddenly
When My Heart Falls
Rania.
The name continues to be jolly.
Trying to trick her into not bringing it into your mind.
1 Hour went by, there was nothing I did.
In addition to sitting near the balcony, what I wear is also still complete. The bag is still coiled in the arm. Shoes that had been released, jusru kupai back.
Something's wrong with me. It feels like loss.
At 12 p.m.
“In the past?”
Kai looks up at the ceiling of his room with his mind guessing the memory that should be on him.
“Why is nothing I remember?”
“Not one..”.
“In my memory.”
Kai looked back at his phone and realized there was not a single photo showing his relationship with Sky. “On his phone...is there?”
“Ah, no! It was rude,” Kai quickly put back Sky's phone.
“But..”.
“Is there no such thing as trying out out of curiosity?”
Yep!
A password?
What password?
Other than just 6 digits, I don't know anything.
Think, Kai!
“Wait!”
What's wrong with me? Why am I like…
Like ignoring my feelings.
Kai walked towards the door because he heard the sound of someone pushing a button. But unfortunately the door didn't want anyone to come in.
“Kai, change the password.”
I think he's found a decent password. Should I guess it so I can get in?
No. I have to go back. Isn't Kai the one who should have come to me? What's wrong with you, Sky? Be aware!
Sky was convinced by the numbers he had thought of, only that he did not want to do so.
No one can sleep.
Kai's phone kept ringing and so did Sky's phone. Ken called them.
“Not today..”
“Not today..”
Sky and Kai started to fall asleep.
Falling asleep with a mind that still wants to wander.
Almost asleep but…
Tong!
Bell's voice was noisy as if something was happening. Like before in the middle of the night.
“Ken?”
Ken looks panicked with his face still covered with bruises.
His hoarse voice explained the intent of his arrival. Making the person before him stare with his empty gaze in the middle of the night.
“What will you do?”
“You're not faltering, are you?”
“Hei, you..”.
“What's with that look of yours, you waver?”
Ken approached with both hands clenched. “You're faltering?” again with the same question.
“Entahlah..”.
“What do you mean?”
“I don't know, Ken.”
“I thought you were on his side. Do you know.I never didn't believe you. Ah, okay. It is wrong to have put expectations on someone,” Ken closed the look of his face with both hands.
“Not..not like that, Ken. Only..just.”
“What? Just tell me you're faltering!”
“Ken..”.
“Solve what you answered,” Ken came out with such a loud door sound.
Saturday morning with a gray sky and enough cool air to make his body shiver.
Stomach rumbles.
Unlike usual, he ran out of stock. Only one egg.
“Sore?”
“Can't this morning alone? I'm out of food supplies.”
“Ya, very-very hungry.”
“Really?”
“OK, I'll be ready with 10 minutes.”
Ken met me with his obvious wounds. But that's Ken. Ken wouldn't like it if I asked. Without even asking, I knew.
Ken and I, do the same thing.
Put hope even though you know that hope…
There aren't.
“Hai!”
“Come.”
“Why didn't you ride?” asked Sky who looked astonished. “Ah, are you ashamed?”
“Or..”.
“Hmm, forget.”
“What do you want to eat?” Ken looks serious.
What's wrong with her?
“You're fine, right? You're not like you used to or because.”.
“Ah, sorry...what would you like to eat, Ken?”
“No. Don't want to discuss it.”
“Photo..”
“Yes, that's my mom. It's his.”
“Ah, Keen wouldn't bother you if it belonged to your mother?”
“Ya.”
“Wah, so everything Keen has actually belonged to your mother?”
“Hey, you don't want to discuss it but you..”.
“Hey, it's not like that. It just makes me curious. How can you come out empty-handed, it turns out like that.”
“Are you not like that too? You also came out empty-handed, Sky.”
“Not really.”
“Have it, forget them! What do you want to eat?”
“Wah, your mother really prepared everything for you, Ken. As if it would know it would happen.”
“Sky!”
“Iya, I'm sorry. Too much talk, hehe.”
“What do you want, Ken?”
“Hey, when will we be like this? It really is a fact. What if I had a girlfriend, would I starve to death?”
“Alright, ramen.”
“Again?”
“As far as you go, Ken.”
“Ramen,” says Ken.
“Ken!”
“Hahaha.”
“Ken, it looks like I didn't bring a phone.”
“You want to take it or just go straight?”
“Take it. Wait a minute, yes.”
“Don't be long,” he said.
His hungry stomach was getting thrashed. His footsteps were so big. “Where do I put it?”
I don't know, is it for a few days without my phone?
Or just an adjustment?
“Where?”
Completely fucked. He needs to rearrange after he gets home.
“Ah, that's it.”
His phone sank with a pile of blankets and his dry clothes scattered about.
“Halo, what's up? I'll be right down, Ken.”
“Speak clearly, I can't.”.
Whatisthis?
What is this feeling?
What feelings can explain the moment that is happening?
Kai.
It's in front of me.
Tried to remember it but returned with increasingly vague doubts.
In addition to the two eyes that meet. This undefined feeling…
I don't know.
Anything going on?
“I'll be there any minute,” Sky's voice is softened by his unshakable gaze.
That warm look…
Nothing in both eyes.
Makes me want to pull away.
Like a rejection.
Feels foreign.
Like nothing ever happened.
Or it doesn't mean anything.
Even though those memories exist.
Even being centered at this moment, it revolved around in my mind. But the more it penetrates.the more it feels foreign.
Although not turning away. There are missing eyes.
Before seeing his back pass, it was better to see me pass by with both of my eyes also turning away.
To me, seeing someone pass by and exposing the back side that bit by bit passed and completely disappeared.
“You really want to meet me?” there was a line of smiles on my face, before it passed and turned away.
Kai looked at the phone he was holding and put it back in his pocket.
It really has passed.
“Hey, why did you take so long? Look, the sky is getting darker.”
“We won't be rained on, Ken. You're overreacting.”
“Haha, you're right too.”
“Are you happy?”
“How about you?”
“Hmm..”
“Hmm?”
“Yes, as you know, Ken.”
Ken stared outside the apartment with raindrops that began to fall little by little and blurred his eyes. “Depart?”
“Ya.”
His empty gaze began to fill with raindrops that also reflected the look of his face that seemed enough to describe his feelings.
Be the beginning and the end, make me not understand. Was I too quick to admit that I was in love?
...***...