DIARY ZARA
15. Longs

After a few months, Zara rebuilt the business alone until all the needs of Jarel, my father and mother were met. The installment paid off on time. The shop went well. But suddenly I don't know why 3 tonight my chest feels tight, my breath feels heavy and suddenly I cry for no reason.

Every night after closing the shop at 10 pm, I pray isya and then after that pray hajat. Staring at my son who was asleep, I suddenly cried.

"A Rangga how are you?" those words appeared in my heart.

"Are you okay? Are you happy now? " I looked at her whats app profile picture and cried.

A photo of a man sitting facing a very beautiful waterfall wearing a black hoodie, Hair in a tie with a little red. All that was seen was the back of this man who was so charming.

"A Rangga, that back, why does it always look like that back, is it not possible just once. You see me, you see me, I am always there, I am always waiting for you. I've been angry, I've been disappointed but I realized that my love for you is too great. Even though everyone thinks that Zara is so great right now. Have you ever thought the same as those people."

"A Rangga I'm sorry, I just wanted to say. I miss you very, very much. Excuse me.. " Zara continued to cry incessantly.

"Oh my God, Zara knows my feelings are wrong. I know Zara shouldn't love him. But it all just happened. Zara has asked you many times, O Allah, if Rangga is not my soul mate, if Rangga is not my destiny, please lose that feeling from my heart.. please God help me. It's too painful for me. Please stop everything, God, please." Zara prayed with a cry that was so very tight to the chest.

"During this time Zara has tried to avoid, trying to accept that Rangga does not have the same feelings for me. Zara can pretend everything's okay. I happy. Yes Zara is happy. But in front of you I can't pretend to be God. I really really love him. I miss his presence very much. But Zara knew it was all my hope that I knew it would all be for nothing. Because Rangga is unlikely to be present for me. It is a very impossible thing. Please help me, O God, eliminate that feeling.

"Just the words of Rangga alone accompany and guide my every step. Don't let me wish him more. Sick.. too sick.. I want to admire it enough without any sense of wanting to have the whole Rangga. Give that feeling of sincerity to my heart O Allah. Even though it's heavy I think I'm capable. Help me, O God. Please please. "Zara confided in Allah.

"You are the only one who knows my heart. Only you know the heart of Rangga. Let everything go according to your will, O God. If Rangga is not for me, Zara is sure that one day you will replace him with someone better for me. Let me cry just in front of you, and tomorrow when my dad wakes up, Jarel wakes up everything's fine, Zara has to stay strong and smile in front of everyone."

"If we are a match, God will bring us together in his way. All we have to do is always pray. Enough I stay away from you, does not mean I do not like, But I want to beautify my repentance and my prayers to Allah swt. And keep a good look out for yourself. If only you were my soul mate. May God bring us both together. Even if we are not a match in the end, may I be given a strong heart to receive it. Please remember the same you are one. As far as you go, as far as you go, and as far as you are at the moment. Please remember one thing, no woman loves you more than me. No one loves you as sincerely as I do. Leaving you to single Allah swt - ust. Handy Bonny

In the morning at the shop I asked my father.

"Dad why yes every after prayers istikharah that comes in my dream is Rangga again, Rangga again. " Task Zara to Dad.

"Your people want Rangga yes it must be Ranggalah who comes. " Answer my father laughed.

"It is not the prayer of istikharah that asks for instructions yes. Indeed I want Rangga, but once God pointed that at me, Zara iniloh your true soul mate. This is the person.always gituloh well, Zara bosen, cape kalo who came to his dream Rangga continues. " Answer Zara.

"Yes, " replied Zara.

"Yes, just wait. Do not listen too much to the words of your mother, because it is so nature. Let it. After all, if it's time you meet your soul mate later also meet. " Answer father.

"Amin. " Zara answered.

Someone who can accompany you at the lowest point in your life, he is the one who deserves to accompany your life until the end of your life, he is the one who deserves to live happily with you forever.

But back again life is a choice, how you choose to live it.

One thing is for sure, the person who is able to make yourself valuable is the most special person in your life.

So yourself, loving yourself, appreciating yourself, until one day being able to love and appreciate the most precious person in your life.

Patience, sincerity, sincerity are all obtained after going through a process of pain that makes self-maturity.

You are precious, you are special when you meet the right person at the right time.

Sure God has prepared a special gift for me. If maybe it wasn't Rangga. God knows what is best for me.

If it is not with Rangga, at least I want as sacred as first. Can it happen. Is that too much.

"Well, look at the handsome face. "jarel mimicked the expression of a face like Rangga and laughed.

"Jarel. Even in teases with facial expressions scowling Rangga. Do not know where this child may be because they often watch Rangga as well.

I laughed until my stomach ached and let out tears because Jarel did not stop teasing me.