Forbidden Love On A Full Night
Flashback

"Look!" someone shouted in excitement. "A bird!"

Emil pulled the reins and the other rider stopped behind him. The man who was carrying the camera took a picture. The wings of the beautiful bird were flapping, ready to fly.

The man in the camera was preparing to take another photo when one of the horsemen sneezed. As fast as lightning, the bird disappeared.

If only I had bought a camera at a souvenir shop. The scenery in that place was so enchanting - the undulating hills covered in trees, the winding river flow, the verdant meadows, the, and on top of all that the blue sky was so vast and so blue it was almost dazzling as it looked at him.

And Ram. Has there ever been a man who looked as handsome as himself while riding a horse? The man sat upright and leisurely in the saddle, his hat low, alert and relaxed as he pointed at the beautiful fowl in the distance.

It was painful to be near the man remembering what had happened between us. Even today, I'm not sure what's wrong. We had a silly disagreement that somehow developed into a big fight. I've said something I didn't mean to say, something I regret, though I can't remember now what we were fighting about except that it had to do with Ram's departure out of town to take part in a community gathering. I now realize how stupid I am about to fight over something so trivial. Participating in cultural art exhibitions is Ram's livelihood. But back then I was so young and in love half dead, I didn't like to part with the man for more than half a day, alone for a few weeks. Ram accused me of being spoiled and selfish, and I accused him of being uncaring and uncaring.

What I remember was the deep silence between us when Ram drove me home that night. The man stopped his truck at the front gate and turned off the engine. I just sat there, almost crying, hoping the guy would apologize, hugging me and kissing me.

But, the man simply said, "I'll call you."

And I said, "No need. I want us to break up."

I immediately regretted having said those words, but I was too young and too haughty to retract those words.

While jumping from the truck, I pressed hard on the code to open the gate, and ran down the winding road towards the house without looking back: to him who swore at me with an oath that I would find no other man but himself as a soulmate. And I'll definitely go back in his arms.

But I don't care. I didn't bully him.

The next day, I cried all day, then put away my hubris and called Ram. His mother picked up the phone. "Ram went out of town early this morning" his mother told me.

I hung up the phone, devastated to learn Ram was so eager to get away from me that he left town one day earlier than planned. I rushed home from school every day, hoping Ram had called and left a message on my phone, but the man never did. After a week of moping at home, my parents decided that I needed a change of mood. After graduation, they took me to Europe for the summer. Passing a fairly long holiday period in pleasure, also in longing.

Determined to get that man out of my mind, I went to college. I met Christian at the beginning of college. Christ is my senior. The man had come to visit home with me during the Christmas holidays to meet my parents. Christ and my two brothers quickly became familiar. They invited Christ to play golf, and introduced him to their friends at the club. Of course, my brothers, and my father, they were so happy when Christ and I announced that we were dating. Like Mr. Hartawan, Christ is everything that Ram does not have. But gradually I realized that Christ spent more time with my brothers than I did with me. And now I feel weird, looking back, it didn't bother me at all. I didn't protest in the slightest, unlike my attitude towards Ram. It doesn't matter if I don't see Christ for days, I never care. But with Ram, I could never stand it even if it was only half a day apart. I want to be with him always.

Looking up, I saw an eagle hovering gracefully in the air currents. The eagle is a beautiful bird. Seeing the birds reminded me of the eagle feather Ram gave me. The man told me that people from the interior tribe believed that eagles were messengers to the Great Spirit. That feather was the only thing the man gave me that I neither threw nor burned. That is why I fear that doing so will be bad, because I will not dare to underestimate the beliefs held by a community group. And I still have that eagle feather, which reminds me of...

"Ram...."

"Yes? You want something?"

"Oh!" obviously I was surprised, I looked up, not realizing that I had spoken the man's name out loud. For a moment I just stared blankly at him, then said the first thing that came to my mind. "Why did you go to jail? Emm. I mean. I mean I know you're fighting. But... why? What reason? Emm... I mean why did you get into a fight?"

Oh my God, I was so stupid I lost control.

Ram's gaze became flat and hard. "What effect? Why do you have to ask me about that?"

"none. I just want to know."

"You've always been the girl who wanted to know."

"I'm not a girl."

"Maybe not a girl, but still want to know" he replied, and urged his horse to run.

Just at that moment I realized, I was asking her what hurt her in an inappropriate situation. Of course, when he remembered the days he spent behind bars, it hurt his feelings. In fact, Khinan told me, Ram would still be there if Aunt El had not come to help him. Aunt El has spent a lot of money to get Ram out of jail, give Ram a job and convince the judge that such a brawl will never happen again. I know, for Ram, the days he spent in prison were the worst days of his life.

I looked at the man, grieving for what had been lost between us, hoping to muster the courage to ask the man: why did he never call me? Did he really want to forget me?