Forbidden Love On A Full Night
Walls Not Eyelets

I don't know where my faith comes from. I'm sure Ram is my soul mate - the one who's been snatched away but this time won't be taken away again. As before, he was the man who made me forget everything and dare to face anything. I used to forget my father's tough attitude and dare to defy all his words, and now it's back in effect. More than that, the man made me forget my fear and worry about the tragic death that befell my partner, and made me dare to take a stand: that I wanted to knit back our love. Either this is purely out of love or also out of obsession. I don't give a shit. I want Ram's love. I want those eight wasted years to pay off right now, I want to be loved again by Ram.

To be honest, I did not imagine for a marriage, I did not think about marrying again. But I know that I really want Ram. I want to be with him. I want his love. I want to be touched by him. I want us to have sex, to be together and to have each other. And I knew I was out of my mind. That eight-year period had gnawed my soul and I felt that my soul had long since died. And now I don't want to live like a body without a soul. I want to live a whole - life and true happiness. And that kind of life I only felt when I was with Ram. Only I get and I will get it from the figure of Ram. Only Ram.

Well, I'm a crazy person. I'm not sane now. Madwoman. And I am not a true lover, a sincere lover. If not, I would have let Ram go and immediately put his feet up so he wouldn't die. Like I did when I left Mr. Reporter at the altar, I didn't want him to die even though my reason was one hundred percent not out of love.

Can you hear me, Lord? I want Ram. That's all! Please have mercy on me.

That-that wanted to be shouted by my heart right now, which was filled with annoyance.

Fortunately some of the aggravation was reduced after we rode across the vast meadow, which was surrounded by trees and sprinkled with flowers. This is truly God's land, my inner being, feeling the beauty of nature assuage my anger.

The rest of the journey passed without much event. It was time for lunch when we arrived back at the farm. Mr. Hartawan insisted on eating with me.

"Whatever!" I said, back to being angry.

After lunch, we played dart throwing with Lady Laura and her husband. As Ram passed by, I laughed and pretended to be having fun. Ram grunted angrily as he looked at me, but when the man disappeared, I sat on the bench, wondering what I really wanted to prove. I realized my unstable and childish attitude. How stupid I was to make that man hate me, I regret. But I seem to have no power to hold back.

After that we went to the bar for drinks, then I decided to go back to the cottage, get ready for dinner.

Standing under the shower, with the warm water soaking up the aches of two hours of riding, I found my mind turned back to Ram, as surely as the night that followed the day.

You stubborn! We just got closer and now it's like this! Damn that Mr. Reporter! The choice of time to come here is very bad.

Wrapping my hair in a towel, I came out of the shower. I put on a bathrobe and started drying my hair, wondering how I could avoid Mr. Reporter without causing a commotion that would end up embarrassing many.

At least how to avoid it for the rest of the night.

Apparently for tonight it's no problem. Mr. Hartawan called, he said that his body was too sore to get out of the bathtub and would meet me tomorrow morning for breakfast.

As soon as I finished drying my hair, I immediately put on the red canal dress I bought in town. While wearing sandals, I left the cottage and walked to the notice board to read the announcement of what was scheduled for tonight. The agenda on the notice board shows there will be a screening of Disney movies in the recreation room. I was not intending to watch a movie and I was checking out what else was on offer when I heard the voice of the host from the stage.

While following the crowd of people heading for the stage, I rushed after Nina Wijaya.

"Hi, Miss Purna," said Nina.

"Hi, what's up, anyway?"

"You haven't heard? The film projector is broken. So the art department asked my idol to fill out the show. That's fun, isn't it? You certainly like it."

"Yes," I muttered as I followed Nina down the alley where we found two chairs, next to the stage. "I really like it. He's a lot of fun."

The light dimmed and the audience was silent when Ram entered. I leaned forward, focusing all my attention on Ram. I didn't hear a word of welcome or anything else. All I saw was Ram who was handsome and sexy from before. A tempestuous passion* inside me while watching the man sing. But this time he performed a song about heartbreak, hatred and jealousy. And I know that song for me and Mr. Reporter. Seeing Ram with such a deep expression made my hair bristle.

Applause broke out all over the open space as Ram finished singing.

Ram stood there, his dark eyes glowing with fire from within him as he looked at the audience. Pleasure crept within me as Ram's gaze stopped on my face.

Ram may still be angry, my mind. The man probably thought he could leave me and not look back, but I knew right then and there that I had the power to win him back.

While sigh*heavily, I looked at Ram. The man looked handsome like a knight. And I was eager to smile as the man's angry gaze faded and now he looked at me as if I were the only person in front of him, the only person in the world. I want him to realize that I'm here for him. That I am now alone without Mr. Hartawan beside me, even though that man is still here. And Ram must know the truth that the man didn't come out of his cabin in so much pain from the horse riding this morning, instead of deliberately leaving me alone in his absence.

The soft sound of the guitar is heard again. Ram sat with me, and then he started singing again. I realized that the man always glanced at me. And I know he conveys his heart through the lyrics of the song, and that's just for me. That he was just watching me. But he was too stubborn to refuse our relationship.

What do I do to break your ego? Killing that stubborn attitude of yours, what?