Forbidden Love On A Full Night
The Taste That's Still the Same

"You're new here, aren't you?" ask a woman who was sitting at the next table when we had dinner in the dining room. "I'm Laura Wijaya, and this is my husband, Heru Wijaya, and our children, Nina, Lina, and the youngest Dina."

I smiled at the three girls, whose age difference was definitely no more than a year. They're pretty kids, with pigtailed blonde hair and big brown eyes. I think the oldest child may be around twelve or thirteen.

"I am Purna Mahardika. It's good to see you guys."

"We're going to watch an art show" Mrs Laura said. "There's a music and dance performance tonight. You want to join us?"

"Emm...." I hesitated, only to refuse, but the thought of watching Ram sing on stage was too tempting to resist. So, yeah, I changed my mind. "Yes. I'll go there with you."

While standing, I put the napkin on the table and followed the Wijaya family out of the dining room.

"There's some form of entertainment every night" Madam Laura explained to me. "Films, music, bingo, traditional dance, and there are always games and such in the lounge at the inn."

I'm nodding. "That sounds fun" I said. "The guests didn't come here wrong."

Outside, we joined a number of people walking towards the vast open amphitheater. A bonfire lit up in a shallow hole in the middle of the audience, creating a shadow of a tent standing to one side.

"Ram is going to sing tonight" said Madam Laura. "We watched it last week."

"He's great" said the oldest girl, sighing. "The voice is amazing and he's handsome."

"I think my Nina's interested in that guy." Madam Laura smiled affectionately at her daughter. "When you look at it, you'll know why."

I know more than that, my heart. And not just like or interested. I love him half dead. Still, and always....

"Shhh..," hissed Nina, leaning her body. "He's going to start."

The audience fell silent as the host stood up and introduced his musician. The man's words disappeared the moment I saw Ram. He wore a long-sleeved white shirt that rolled almost to the elbow and dark blue jeans and leather shoes with an open heel. Her hair was combed back and neatly pigtailed. So good-looking.

I smiled when I saw Nina manage to hold one of Ram's hands as the man greeted his fans before leaving the stage after the song ended. After that, I continued to stare at my feet, afraid to meet Ram, afraid of what the man might see in my eyes.

I was still there when the dance performance started, but immediately said goodbye to Lady Laura and her family after one dance ended, then I walked back to my cottage. No, when I realized, it turned out that I had arrived at Ram's cabin. But I was so cowardly, I did not dare to appear before him, and only hid a considerable distance away.

Ram had just returned to his cabin, and the man spent a few moments scratching his pet dog's ears before entering the cabin to replace his shirt with sleeveless shirts. And I think he had just entered the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge in his hand and he downed it, and then he stepped out onto the porch and sat down on the stairs. Toshu, Ram's pet dog is lying next to him.

While putting a finger on the strands of his hair that are now broken, Ram sipped back his drink, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Why did that woman have to come here?" muttered.

I knew what he meant was me. His ex-lover.

Toshu growled in return.

"Damn," he swore. After finishing his drink, Ram threw his bottle on the porch and stood up. "My only hope is that the woman will soon get bored and return to where she is, back to her rich father, to her big house, and to her nice car. Hopefully!"

If you hate me so much, why was it that before riding this afternoon you were so sweet to me?

"You know, Toshu, I once drove the woman home one night not long after our first meeting. And you know, it's not a house, but a three-story mansion surrounded by wrought iron fences. There's a uniformed guard at the gate. I didn't really pay much attention to that place when I first got there. But, when I saw her that night, it made me realize right then and there that we had no future together. Not to be together. I couldn't imagine what her parents would say if she took me out to dinner on Sundays. And by the time it actually happened a month later, that dinner was the worst disaster I could ever imagine. His father looked at me as if his daughter had brought home a mutt and was planning to keep it. Her mother nervously touched her hair many times, as if checking and making sure I wasn't spreading lice to her head. I don't know, maybe it's just my feeling. But I obviously feel uncomfortable. At the dinner table, his father and mother spoke politely. We talked about the weather, and in the end they asked about me and about my family. Her father was obviously shocked when I told them that I was pioneering my career as a singer. Worse, he was shocked and shook his head when he found out that I did not have a complete parent. Inevitably I admitted who I really was when his father asked who my father was and what my father's job was. So I say as it is, that I am the son of an unmarried woman. That my mother's boyfriend left my mother when my mother was pregnant was the fruit of their illicit relationship. The irresponsible man. Yeah, well, what else am I supposed to do if they question that? I can't possibly admit that my father was the A and his job was a great businessman. Thats impossible. From there I knew his father would never approve of me with his daughter. Anyway, I knew that from the beginning. Why should I be surprised? And you know, Toshu, when I said goodbye, his father blatantly said that I wasn't invited to come again. Not once, not forever. Her father offered her a firm farewell, her tone and expression clearly saying that I would not be readmitted to the house. But stupidly I am now I'm in love with that woman again. No, I mean still. I still love him and I know, I've always loved him even after eight years apart from him."

My God, my heart is beating so hard. Although his long chirping hurt me so much, but the end of his chirping made me happy. He still loves me. Our feelings are still the same.

I still love you so much, Ram. Still love you so much....

"Yeah, thank you, Toshu, for listening to my heart. I know you understand everything I'm saying. Fortunately, only I understand your language. So this will only be a secret for both of us. Because this will forever be a secret. I had to take my mind off her. I have to stop thinking about that woman, and have to stop torturing myself with the past. It's over and it's happened and it's impossible to go back. I wasn't good enough for him and nothing changed."

Hmm. He was drunk so he spoke honestly. But when he wakes up, he'll talk so rudely to me.

Well, then keep getting drunk. Just drunk!