Forbidden Love On A Full Night
Slapped In The Past

Monday passed without Ram. He was busy helping his uncle in the preparation of the event to be held on Tuesday: an event with the theme of performing arts - - raising local arts and culture - which was held at Parigi Pangandaran Square Square, with more or less presents dozens of artists from Pangandaran. Ram also told me that there will be various arts displayed in the event, including karinding, reog, calung, dance, kendak kendang, pencak silat, and, among others, at the end of the event will also be shown a Sundanese play with the theme of the origin of Ronggeng Gunung which is claimed to be a typical traditional art of Pangandaran Regency.

Actually that afternoon me and Kartika, Ram's cousin, planned to follow to the Square to watch this performance, but because of the rain flushed since the afternoon, we both did not leave because the weather did not support it making it difficult for us to find transportation.

And according to a schedule that has been neatly arranged by Ram since a few days before, Ram planned to take me back to Lembang that night as well, he could not help his uncle until the show was completely finished. Of course his family knew about it. But not with me, I don't know why Ram can only take his time until Tuesday and must hurry home that night. So, just after we said goodbye to Ram's family, I immediately found out what Ram's busy tomorrow, so we couldn't wait for the morning to go back to Lembang.

"I forgot to tell you," Ram said. "I'll bring a group to ride all night tomorrow. We'll leave in the morning. So I have to get to the farm before sunrise."

Oh my God, I can only stumble. Really, it surprised me.

But Ram smiled proudly. "Yeah, honey, they want to find a harder challenge. You know, right, camping, cooking with a campfire, sleeping under the stars, etc. New challenging experience."

"That sounds fun" I said.

"Yep."

"Can I come?"

"If only I could."

"Why can't it?"

"All of them are men, honey."

"Oh?"

"Yes, it would be dangerous if a girl as beautiful as you were among a pack of male wolves. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. You got it, right? Any horse will be used."

I nodded lethargicly.

"Only last night, really."

"I know, but we've lost so much time together. I'm...."

"Just one day and one night, okay? I hope you understand. It's myjob. And I don't want something like this to make what happened eight years ago repeat itself. My full-blown adult is now, isn't it?"

Ram's words choked my throat. I wept. I don't know why, but I'm obviously not offended, let alone angry at the words he said. Merely, those words made me feel slapped by the past. It felt really painful, and I didn't want it to happen again. It won't!

Ram exhales *legend. He slowed down his truck and pulled over on the side of the road. "I'm sorry. Please don't cry." Ram pulled my hand and kissed the back of my hand deeply.

"No. You're not wrong, though. Thank you for saying it. What you said just now is true. I don't want my selfishness to make us part again. I'm sorry, huh? Pardon?"

But my heart was disappointed. Ram's words yesterday made me too desperate in this romance, hoping that what he said would be realized. I found out through the internet, the full moon will show its light tomorrow night, Wednesday, after sunset. But Ram has another activity. Then I wondered: what does that mean? He's just a prank? He forget? He didn't know the full moon would shine tomorrow night? Or did he just give me hope when he knew on that full night he wouldn't be by my side? I wanted to ask, but I was embarrassed. Even though I am a widow, I cannot show Ram that I want us to have a whole relationship even though we are not married. I'm not sure Ram would marry me without my father's blessing. And I'm more unsure that my father would give his blessing so easily. If you want to get married, especially with my father's blessing, marriage is like a dream that is difficult for us to realize.

"So I can go, right? I'm not asking for permission, but I need your sincerity. Let's take good care of our relationship this time, okay?"

I nodded strongly. "Yes" I said. "Yes. I'm sincere. I'm not gonna act like I used to."

"Yes. I promise, I'll try."

After releasing a hug, Ram wiped my tears and asked me to smile, he gave me a short kiss on my lips and we continued on our way.

But Ram gets agitated himself. After a few dozen minutes on the highway, he stopped his truck and pulled over on the side of the road.

"What's wrong?" my many.

He leaned his head against the back of the chair with his eyes closed and his right hand clenched to his forehead, looking irritated at himself and as if "surrender".

Ram pulled out his phone to make a phone call while I just grinned, staring at him in confusion.

"What's wrong?" my many.

He didn't say. And in a few seconds, the call is directly connected. He called Emil and talked about his riding plan. "I'd like to exchange schedules with you if you can. You're this week and I'm next week. Hows it? Can it?"

Oh my God, I was looking for such a lover, who always made me his top priority. But why am I not feeling so good?

"OKAY. Agree, yes. Please tell Auntie we'll be home on Thursday. Thanks, Dude."

Ram disconnected the phone.

"Now happy?" tanyakanya.

I don't know what to answer and how to react? I'm even confused. "You don't have to do this" I said. "I am. I feel bad. I don't want any-"

"Sst.. it's ok. Its alright. I just don't want to repeat my mistakes again. I let you down and I ended up losing you. Now I don't want that until it happens again that's why I give up. But only this time, huh? Just this once. Next time please don't burden me with your disassociation, okay? Understand me, give me understanding and always support my work, promise?"

I nodded and immediately slammed into his arms. "I promise. I will not go back to being a selfish spoiled girl. I will try to be the best lover for you. I promise."

"Yes, may you knowingly make this promise. Not just an emotional boost." Ram let go of the embrace and took my hands back, he looked closely at my eyes and said, "Now hear what I want to say to you. You want to listen to me?"

I'm nodding.

"I love you. I want you to know, you are the top priority in my life. You are the most important and the most happy. But don't make it my weakness to make me keep giving up and ignoring other things for your sake. That's not gonna be good. My job is important because I work not for myself. For you, for the farm, for our future. So please, next time don't get in my way like now let alone like in the past, don't fight and don't tell me I'm not understanding. Okay well? I swear to God I don't want to lose you again. As your partner I will share my time with you. Dividing, not giving all my time. You can understand my words, right? My full-blown adult, may be spoiled, but please be a lover who is always understanding. Can, Honey?" Ram looked at me expectantly.

I smile. "Yes, I promise. Even if you have to go, I will. I won't go anywhere, and I won't go anywhere. I'll wait for you to come home."

"This is what you have to do going forward. This is the attitude you always have to show me. Yea?"

I'm nodding. "There will be no more selfish and unsettled Purna. I promise you."

"okay." He hugged me back and felt relieved.

And I'm grateful. I will try to control myself for Ram's sake, for my love for him. She loves me. I have no doubt about that at all. But maybe love is not enough for two very different people like us. But since I love her, I will try to be the best for her. I will no longer be the selfish Purna I once was.