Forbidden Love On A Full Night
Uneasily

We agreed not to chat or do anything other than close our eyes. Even Ram forced me to shut up and he told me to try to sleep. I comply. I know, he is so because of the anticipation from within him, he said, and I don't want to do anything at the risk of getting Ram to sleep outside the tent and I can't sleep in his arms tonight. So yeah, that's it. I closed my eyes until I fell asleep at what minute.

The next morning, we woke up when the sun was shining brightly - though not a hundred percent true, because, when I asked him to get up to watch the sunrise, Ram refused. The more he held his arms to my body and he said that he was still very sleepy. In fact, his eyes were still closed as he spoke.

"Pity me, honey. Stay here and be quiet in my arms. I beg you."

Ah, what more could I be if he asked me that sweet. I also obey him. I shut up and let the sturdy arm hold me, and I went back to sleep. As a result, we woke up very bad luck and that was because Ram was hungry. But still, before coming out of the tent, he devoured me first.

"Come, we've got to get some food. After that we take a shower and relax. Today my time is all yours."

How's my? Can I be yours tonight?

If I had the guts to ask that question.

Before finding a place to eat, Ram talks to a man who is his age. Ram told me it was his friend. At the man, Ram ordered all the necessary supplies for us to camp later that night. Then after that we walked to find a food stall. Because Ram didn't want to go all the way, so we just went to a food stall near the beach.

Ram ordered for himself two servings of boiled noodles with a double egg, two round loaves of bread, a plate of fried, beans and a cup of coffee, and for me he ordered a serving of boiled noodles with a double egg and a cup of tea. After looking at the order, I felt the need to comment that in my opinion the number of servings of food he ordered was more suitable for lunch than breakfast.

"Everything eaten before noon wants as much as anything, it can be considered breakfast, whatever the food," Ram explained. "And I do need a lot to eat because I have to fulfill everything you want today."

I'm springy! I'm so glad to hear that. "Anything? Without exception?" I thrust my little finger at him intending to ask him to promise.

"Not really. I don't have a lot of money to buy you a house, a luxury car, or valuables, or a vacation abroad. I'm sorry...?"

Hmm. I sulked. "Your glimmer is not funny!" my protest.

"I'm just kidding." Ram gave a silly grin and grabbed my hand and then linked our pinkies. "I promise."

Huh! I took a deep breath. "So?"

"I'll do anything for you. Anything." anything."

"Without exception?"

"Yep. Without exception."

"Promise?"

"I promise, Your Grace."

"Thank you, my dear...."

And I want you completely. Tonight.

But how should I express it?

Tonight is the night of the full moon, and I feel restless thinking about how we're going through this beautiful night in accordance with what's been in my dreams all along. In accordance with what I expected. Which I dreamed of. Hows it?

I don't have my answer. I could only sit and watch her eat, hoping that she understood what I wanted from her without me saying it, and she would fulfill it.

"You okay? You look agitated."

I'm nodding. "I think I should hurry up and finish my meal and take a shower."

Ram sniffed his armpits. "really. If only I knew we wouldn't go straight home. Oh my goodness." He shook his head. "I should've brought more change of clothes."

"Silent. I've washed your clothes."

Boo!

It sucks! Ram looked at me with strange eyes. "I didn't know you could wash."

Huh huh? I nodded towards him. "I never wash!" sulokku. "But I have a brain, and I'm sane. I can't wash? Obviously the definition of washing clothes is to clean the clothes from dirt or unpleasant odors using water and detergent, can be with a washing machine or manually, rubbed and if necessary brushed, can be done, then rinsed clean. Then squeezed and dried. And the important thing is not to waste water. Am I right? Do I have no brain? You suck!"

Ram just laughed. "You're right. All healthy people can do it. It's just that we want to or don't do it. And I salute you. I thought this rich lady in front of me was only willing to be served."

"Yes, just don't tell me to cook. I know I'll never be able to. Although it can, certainly not in a fast time and will not happen easily. Except just boil, fry, burn, or just mix the instant seasoning. Maybe it can." I laughed giggling.

Ram nodded, he stuck out his hand and clasped mine. "You don't have to learn to cook, don't need to wash, or do any other homework. Because we're gonna live on the farm. There everything is available and there is work, yes even though it is not like a private servant like in your parents' house."

"Well, that...." I smiled as cold as ever. "You are not a poor man until you will make me miserable. The proof is this, with you I don't have to live hard. I just need to love you, keep you company, warm your nights, give you lots of children, take care of them and accompany and look after Aunt El. I'm a very lucky wife."

That's when I realized something scary.

"No. No. gabe. What am I talking about?" my murmured, making a smile that had been decorating Ram's face faded immediately.

I'm shaking.

"Yes there is none. What you said is true. This spoiled miss of mine will still be alive by being served, only that the luxury will drop dramatically, because we will only live in a small wooden cottage instead of a luxurious mansion. And not driving in an expensive luxury car, but just in a truck."

He misunderstood because he did not understand this part. I have been married three times. But I never really became a wife. Let alone carrying out other obligations, I have never even entered the bridal room with my husband.

"It's possible, yes, we're married? If so, do you want to wait for blessing? Or are we just secretly married?"

Oh, I'm trying to distract. The truth is I was afraid of getting married, I was afraid Ram would be taken away from me. Because even if I wanted to get married, I didn't care if my father would bless us or not. But the fear of losing it...

If I could, I'd rather be together even without marriage, than marry but eventually be separated by death. Because if you're just dating, it looks like it's safe. Like I've been dating Christian for a long time, he's alive and we can be together for a long time. He died after we got married. And I don't want Ram to experience what my three late husbands have experienced. I want to be with Ram like I was with Christ. And if I could, I'd like to marry Ram and he's not dead. But can it?

"Hey, do you hear me?"

Oh my gosh, I'm dumb. "Sorry, what did you say?"

"We try first to get your father's blessing. I hope I can, huh?"

I'm nodding. "Aamiin...."

"Come, finish your food. You can eat noodles at the price of commoners, right?"

Ughhhh! Start deh....

"I'm not disgusted. I will not insult or look down on food. And more importantly, my stomach won't be bothered eating this food, okay? Satisfied, Masku Darling?"

The man shook his head. "Yet. How can I be satisfied if I don't have you?"

"Tonight. Have me completely."

Ram was surprised to hear the spontaneous answer I made. His eyebrows shot up again, then he shook his head.

"This is my request, and you promised to fulfill all my requests. Anything. Without exception."

Argha! My stomach was so tense that I imagined the response. I'm pretty sure she'll say the same thing as eight years ago when I asked her to make love to me: that he didn't want me to make a mistake that I'll regret one day.

"Don't give me the same answer as eight years ago. I'm not a sixteen-year-old Purna. I am the widowed Purna, who is now twenty-four years old. And I'm always waiting for you. You always come into my dreams, you. I dream of everything. Almost every night. I want it all to be real. I'm...."

I know I shouldn't have said any of this. And worse - I ended up crying.

Ram said nothing to this discussion. He reached out his hand again and grasped my hand gently. "Eat," he said. "spent. Then we take a walk to the beach, a little bit of a new pity we take a shower, okay?"

I wiped my tears and I nodded. I understand that Ram avoided this conversation. Even when he was nineteen, a teenager, he refused to make love to me. It is only natural that he refuses now. He's a grown man who's certainly wiser and more self-controlled.

Long after, we said nothing. We were both filling our stomachs even though we were not really enjoying what we were eating. After that, hand in hand, we walked by the beach, then found a shady place to sit together. Ram put his hand on my shoulder and leaned me on his shoulder.

"Did you never dream of me? Make love to me even if only in a dream?" I finally said, courageously.

Ram kissed my forehead. "Always," he said. "Almost every night."

"Then? Don't you want to...?"

"Shhh...."

"Mas...?"

"In my eyes you are a lady of honor."

"But I'm a widow, what's the difference?"

"Darling, widow does not mean contemptible. Okay?"

"What does that mean...? It never will...?"

There's no answer. And what does he have to answer?

I know I'm like a shameless woman, and have no self-respect. But I'm too desperate to live my life.

Virgin widow of three marriages. Maybe Ram will be afraid to fuck with me once he learns this fact. But after meeting Ram back, I was determined not to do it with another man. I want Ram. Just wanted to fuck a Ram. Just Ram....

How do I get this guy to touch me without me having to embarrass myself to ask for it let alone tease him, and not in a disgusting way let alone in a fraudulent way?