Forbidden Love On A Full Night
Miscomprehension

I was shrill, confused by my quick response to a man who made me swear I would hate and be ignored for the rest of my life. But it's impossible to ignore Ram's hot kiss, or the longing of my own heart. Those years seemed to disappear, and I turned sixteen, truly kissed a man for the first time.

And it's really as beautiful as my first kiss. Just as exciting as that time. But now it feels more special. The man who now kissed me was no longer a nineteen-year-old man, but an adult man with exceptional good looks. With a million charms that stupefied me. But my passion remains the same, his passion remains the same. So powerful. And if he wanted me more than this, if he wanted to. I knew I would give up, give myself to him....

I gasped, my heart pounding like a war drum, after Ram finally stopped the kiss...

"Ram...."

Ram looked at me, looking just as shaken as I was. "Why, Purna?" ask her with a hoarse tone. "Why didn't you answer my phone? Reply to my letters?"

Practically my forehead shriveled. "What phone? What letters?"

He let me out of his arms, taking a step back in anger. "Don't pretend in front of me, you son of a bitch! I called you day and night for a week. I wrote dozens of letters to you. But the letters returned unopened. Why?"

I nodded towards the man. Confused, and in shock. "No letters whatsoever...."

Ram rubbed his hair with one hand. "Berinsk. Fuck you, Purna," he rebuked slowly. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying. I called your mother the day after our fight. He said you went out of town. I kept hoping you'd return my calls, but you never did."

Ram looked at me, clearly figuring out if I was telling the truth. I guessed that Ram didn't know at all that I called him back then. Butwhy? Why didn't Ram's mom ever tell him I called him? I guessed, maybe Madame Pradita was not happy to hear her son dating a rich girl like me, as was my parents who were unhappy about being in contact with Ram.

I get my mind off my phone. "Who were you talking to when you called?" my many.

"Usually with the waiter. Your father answered several times. He said that you don't want to talk to me, that you don't want to see me anymore."

I reminisced about that week before we went on a long summer vacation. Recalling my father's insistence that my mother take me shopping in preparation for our trip. We left early in the morning, often not home before night. Did my father deliberately plan that so that I could not answer the phone or receive a letter? Even my mother purposely asked me to leave my phone at home? I didn't want to think that way, but reminiscing back again, I could see my father's involvement.

My father has been so sympathetic, so understanding. I was so hurt to question my father's sudden change in mood. Was it nothing more than a lie to make me lose my guard and make me think that my father cared for me, when it was a way to get Ram out of my life for good?

I shook my head, surprised to think about it. "He didn't. he couldn't have done it" I muttered. "He would never do that!"

I resisted, though deep down I knew my father had done just that.

"Well, your father did just that, if everything you said was true."

"You don't trust me? Why would I lie to you now?"

"Of course." As he walked to the window, Ram glanced into the distance. He had built a wall around his heart, refusing to let anyone in. I have hurt his heart. Perhaps Ram thought that he had let me hurt him so badly, and as Khinan once said, Ram has vowed never again to give others the power to hurt his heart like that again. But now...

May he reflect on what I just said. There's no reason for me to lie now. I'm not gonna make any profit, am I? Or lose anything....

"What about the rich man?"

"What do you mean what about her?"

Ram turned to look at me, with a probing look. "Have you ever slept in bed with her?"

I was stunned, surprised that the man had the heart to ask such a question. "Does it matter to you that I've done it?"

"So ever?"

"The ram!"

"Never, Purna? Say?"

"Tell me first, does that matter to you?"

"You think?"

"Well, I've never slept in bed with her, but that doesn't mean it's any of your business."

I was never tempted to make love to Mr. Hartawan, or anyone else, either Christian who dated me for a long time or my two husbands after Christian. When Christian forced me, saying that nowadays everyone does such a thing, I told the man that I don't care what anyone else does. I want to get married in a long white wedding dress, and I want it to mean something. That is the truth, but not the whole. Although it's not the truth, and, even though my mother taught me virginity is the most precious gift to give to the most beloved man who's already a husband, the real reason is because they're not all Ram. For the man I love so much is, and still is, Ramana Lingga Pradita. And the fact is that I've never made love to anyone, even though I've been widowed three times. But I'm not ready to hear Ram's response if he finds out about my status.

"By the way, why is that important now?"

As he stared fixedly at my eyes, Ram said, "That's important."

Is Ram possibly jealous? That sounds like it. And a hope now seems to melt the ice around my heart. Does that guy really still care? Did that man mean...?

"Rame?"

But the man turned away, without looking, and said, "I need time alone. You stay here and don't go anywhere."

"You're not leaving me, are you?"

"I'm not going far."

"alright. Please don't be long. I'm afraid I'm alone."

"If you're a coward, you won't ride this far."

God, don't hurt me with your cold attitude, Ram. You're hurting me. And I wouldn't even be lost in this forest if it wasn't for you. Thinking of you....

But it's free to explain that now. Ram has gone out of the cottage without even seeing me. I cried, stumbled back to bed and curled up alone.