Forbidden Love On A Full Night
The Miracle in Suffering

If one day I die, I want my organs to be useful to others. I will give my organs to those in need. Except for my eyes and whatever part of my face.

That's what I told my mom. I don't mind being buried without a heart, liver, kidney, or anything as long as my face remains intact. I don't want people who love me in the shadows without eyeballs or imperfect faces. I want people to remember me like Purna - my living self, the beautiful Full Light. Even in their memories.

Yeah, I didn't completely lose control when I was about to commit suicide. I just don't want to live just to burden everyone who will receive the ill effects of my actions: I: the scorn of society will be directed at all members of my family and will likely create an economic downturn for all of them, especially for my father and my two brothers. I don't want to be a burden to them and don't want them to bear a moral burden in society just because of me. And more than that, I felt unable to live when I learned the fact that: Mr. Hartawan is the biological father of the man I love, Ram's biological father. Who impregnated his girlfriend, Madam Pradita when he was sixteen and dumped her. How could I possibly live in the shadow of two men who turned out to be father and son, who had both had sex with me? I won't be able to. I had no choice but to commit suicide. So I want to die but not by damaging my organs. I didn't want to stab my heart or stab my stomach which was at risk of injuring my kidney, so I decided to drop my body from a height. I climbed up to the wrought iron porch support while holding on to the pole, then I threw my body back, and released my hand, then I fell down in a wedding dress.

My body was covered in cuts, bruises and bruises, but I looked at myself as still beautiful in the wedding dress, as well as when my body fell from a height, crashing with the position of the back and head hit hard paving blocks in the yard of the big house. Indeed, physically it hurts once, impossible not. But it doesn't hurt my soul. Because, after my body was blown away and I felt a great pain, all I felt was peace. I hope that even if my body falls to earth - my soul will soon be lifted up and ascended to the heavens. I want to die in peace and with a body part that will live on and be useful to the life of another: to the person himself, and to all those whom he loves and loves.

I was not afraid of death, the words that Ram said that day were ringing in my mind. And that's how I feel at this point. I'm not afraid of dying. There is only peace. And I want to be immortal in the souls of others, especially with my heart and my heart, which will continue to beat and pound in the other body. In another soul. Glorious hope and wishful thinking, which I greet with a smile.

Welcome to your new life, Purna....

My eyes closed....

Everything is dark to me. Silent, quiet and quiet. But I'm alone. There's nothing or anyone. Nothing happened. I waited a long time in silence. Long time. Perplexities. Walk to and fro, fumble, search for anything, anything, God, angels, or anyone else I can meet. But there's no. There's no one. I was tired and almost gave up. Just sitting helpless. Long after that I felt angry. Then I got up from my seat and looked at the dark sky. I was screaming for the name of God. Challenge him to show himself. But he whipped me with a flash of lightning that struck me like a whip, and the sound of lightning striking through the strange sky. Then suddenly the world around me became bright. Lightning and lightning had disappeared. I saw a meadow filled with flowers and fog. Then there were tiny laughs all around me. Not so obvious, but it was as if I felt two tiny hands clutching my fingers. Baby's hand. So tiny. One on the right, and one on the left. They took me flying. We're breaking through the gray sky. Through thick dark clouds, thin cold clouds. Crossing the steep cliffs and the vast ocean stretches. In the end, I knew nothing more. Not remembering anything else, like not remembering how I was before birth and my birth process in the world.

I thought they were taking me to heaven. I'm happy because I think I'm really dead and I'm going somewhere else. I welcome him with joy. But...

At that moment, fate said something else.

I'm not dead.

No. gabe.

I'm still alive. God wants me alive.

Wh why? Did you ask?

Same, I asked too. I want to ask God: does He want to test me again? Keeps me alive and tortures me again, tortures my heart and feelings again, wants to send me to a holding cell, right?

I got the "Yes" answer the first time I woke up after the incident, after lying in the hospital and it turned out that I was in a coma for three days. I realized I was still alive, the space around me told me, and the people around me: Ram, my mother, my father, Kak Pram, and the two policemen standing guard outside - the typical ICU room view and the sad faces that worried me from behind the window - all confirmed that I was still life and iron bars are waiting for me there.

You're so mean, God. You are so cruel to me. Thank ye.

I wept. I closed my eyes again. I want to keep you closed. Let me continue to be unconscious. Let alone.

But fate says something else.

Ram saw a clear droplet flowing from the corner of my eye.

"Purna...?" Soon he barged into the ICU, came up to me in a hospital green uniform, followed by my mother and the others. "Furnal, honey, are you awake, honey? Open your eyes. It's me, Ram."

Oh my God, as soon as the voice whispered in the ear.

"Open your eyes, please...."

And I opened my eyes, for her sake. Because I'm still the same Purna. Purna who loves Ramana Lingga and will never be able to refuse anything he asks of me. I opened my eyes....

"Hi...."

"...." - ".My mouth's open.

"Purn?"

Hii. I want to say hi to him. But no sound came out of my mouth.

Wh why? What's wrong with my voice? Why can't I make my voice?

Maybe because I just woke up, I thought. Relax, Purna. Be calm.

At that moment, the doctor cleared his throat. "Excuse me, please Mr and Mother come out first, let us first check the state of the patient."

They all moved after giving me a lot of kisses.

"We go out first" my mother whispered, smiling. "Mama's happy you finally woke up. Thank you, dear."

I could only blink, the tears flowed back. Then Ram did the same. "I go out first" he whispered, he kissed me on my forehead. "I love you, and I'm still waiting. Will keep waiting for you."

Then everything is cryptic. The doctor did a physical exam on me, then asked me a question.

I still can't answer it. Until the doctor did a nerve exam, asked me to move my hands and feet.

Naughtiness! I can't confer.

I had paralysis and disturbance in my voice.

Real nice. He kept me alive but made me a corpse. He took me neither to heaven nor to hell, and did not send me to prison, but left me lying helpless in bed.

Perfect. After the doctor came out of the room and gave everyone an explanation, Ram and my family members came back in. Crying, sad because of my condition. How shiny. It kept me crying and not caring about anything else until Ram asked everyone out of the room, and he wanted to talk to me alone.

Just two.

That's when I remembered the moment I received a phone call from Ram's mother on Mr. Reporter's cell phone that night. Without me saying it, he immediately shouted Mr. Hartawan's name and rebuked him. Threatens him not to disturb Ram anymore or he will reveal the truth to the world that Ram is a biological child that he never acknowledged. That honorable figure was just an irresponsible bastard. Upon hearing that fact, Mr. Hartawan's cell phone fell out of my grasp. My heart went out, it hurt so much. The more it pushes me to obliterate my own life. I know the secret that whips me with shame.

But this flaw, this silence I experienced, made the secret a secret. Then I remembered the incident before Ram punched Mr. Reporter the other day, Ram said that the man owed his mother an apology. I was thinking, did Ram actually know that the man was his biological father? But he kept that secret from me?

How can I deal with you now? I have married a man who is your biological father, I fear that someone might call me your stepmother. It was so embarrassing for my identity. I don't want to be your mother, even if it's just a stepmother.

For a moment Ram just looked at me with his wet eyes. She was sad, but there was a happy smile on her face as well, and then she kissed me on my forehead. It was then that I realized there was a bruise on the corner of his lips. What's wrong with her? Who beat him? My father or my brother? Or is he fighting with someone else? Was he beaten in prison by someone? But I'm mute, my questions are unexpressed, let alone answered. No. gabe.

"It's okay" he said, speaking while looking me in the eye, in a low voice and almost like a whisper, so close to my face. "The doctor said this possibility is not permanent. You can still be healed. So it's okay. Because the most important thing is that I'm here, and,"-- she put her hand on my stomach - "there are two twin fetuses in here. Jagoanku. You're pregnant...."

Oh. ls...? My eyes were almost in disbelief. I pregnant...?

"The doctor did an examination of your blood, and the doctor was surprised after the examination, in addition to showing your condition is fine, it turns out you are also pregnant. Emm.. I mean. yesterday, there was no other disease than external wounds, and. You know, I'm so proud, they're incredibly strong. They can survive in your womb. That's a big miracle, isn't it, honey? They are strong children. My kids. Our son."

God, if I could scream, I would love to shout my happiness.

"You're happy, right? Are you happy to hear this news?"

I smiled, opened my eyes twice in a reflex response, and I cried happily.

Thank you, Lord. This time I am really grateful. Out of all the bad things that happened to me, He gave me an incredible blessing. Thank ye. I'm sorry I complained to you so much. Ii'm sorry. Thank you very much.

"There is no reason to be sad at this time. We forget all the bad. Don't talk about it anymore and don't cry anymore. Yea? Don't think about what happened yesterday, don't worry about it because your father and your brother will try to do what's best for you. Your brother will try to get you freedom, or at least a reprieve on the grounds of your condition. But he promised he would do everything in his power to close the case on the grounds that you did it in self-defense. The psychiatrist who treated you will help you in the trial. So don't be afraid, don't think about anything. Okay well? And regarding your condition, I will always accompany you in the process of therapy. No matter how long or long, I will always be there for you. I'm gonna marry you. As soon as possible. For your sake, for our children."

But I don't deserve to be your wife. I'm lame. You can find the perfect woman. I'm married to your father anyway.

"Why? I told you not to cry. Why are you still crying? Are these happy tears? Hmm?"

How can I say it? How do you know what I'm thinking?

"Look, the point is not to think too much. And importantly, don't feel like you're not good enough for me because of your current condition, or because of what happened yesterday, with all the causes that make you feel bad and inappropriate. There is no need to think about those reasons because I would never want to talk about them. I'll never want to talk about any of that. And about this marriage, I don't want any rejection. I'll beg, if need be I'll force you. I don't need your autograph for our wedding documents anyway, just your thumbprint. And. I'll do it myself. Anyway I will force you and you have no other choice but to accept me as your husband. We're going to go through a thousand full moons together. The thousand most beautiful full moons with you, my most beautiful Full Light. I love you, and don't make me wait any more. I love you so marry me. Open your eyes twice because I ask, command, and compel, accept me, please...?"