Forbidden Love On A Full Night
Cocooned

"Purna's? Oh my, you have a fever."

I woke up when Ram came up to me and touched the back of his hand on my forehead, in a state of hot fever and shivering body trembling. Cowering like a fetus, feeling cold. My body temperature increased drastically as I fell asleep after crying for so long.

"I'll get you some medicine" he said.

He grabbed the medicine bottle from the P3K box and took out a heat-lowering pill and gave it to me. I swallowed it with a little water. I don't know what he was feeling at the time, but the worry was obvious in his eyes seeing me shivering with trembling.

"Do you want me to make you warm water?"

I shook my head, and knew the man was confused. In the end, he gave up on his ego. It does what responsible adults do under these circumstances. She hugged me. And I didn't want to refuse him when he slipped into my blanket, wrapped his hands around my body curled up against his back.

"You'll be fine" he whispered. "I promise you'll be okay."

God knows I expect the same. But if not, really, I'd be willing to die in this man's arms.

Yeah, Ram hugged me tighter, and buried his face in the recess between my neck and my shoulder - - his favorite place first - and veiled into the blanket that warmed our bodies. I loved the way he hugged me and the blanket covered us, like a cocoon: protecting us from the whole world that wanted to separate us. As Ram held me in the half-dark room, his heart beat in rhythm with my heart, listening to the sound of rain falling outside the door and the shut windows safely.

At the very least, I thought, he and I had talked about the dramatic incident we had eight years ago.

"What else?" I asked when the thunder again boomed in the distance which meant the rain came back heavy.

"What do you mean what else?" ram asked, stopping his lips that wandered gently at the nape of my neck.

"I mean, what else happened when you... um, after coming home from out of town? I want to know the details. But please don't argue with me. Just story. I beg?"

He lifted his head to look at me who was now laying on my back, lying on my back, as if I were crazy. "Why do I want to talk about it now?"

"Because," I said, "talking about it can help dispel misunderstandings between us. I don't want any burden or hostility between us. I want peace. Whether you admit it or not, we're both angry with each other, hateful but can't forget. You feel and think I've hurt you so badly. Same, I also feel you did the same to me. But the truth is, we've been trying to contact each other. We've been trying to find out about each other's news, though Khinan hasn't said anything to me or to you. Eight years of torture, Ram. If you believe that. I'm tormented."

He leaned on the back of his hand to look me in the eye. "I believe."

"I want a peace. I need peace."

Ram nodded. "Me too, and this is all I can do" he said as he moved his hand from my waist to another part of my body closer to my heart. "When your heart was still beating so hard near me, I knew your feelings were still the same. And it reconciles."

"I still love you, Purna...."

"So...?"

"What?"

Touch me, my mind asks. But I could not say those words again like the Light of the Full Mahardika sixteen-year-old girl, Ramana Lingga Pradita's lover eight years ago.

"Tell me, what do I not know?"

Ram kissed my forehead, then put his arm under my head to be able to embrace me, so that I could squeeze deeper into him. "It's hard to believe, Purna, after all this time, after what happened between us, I still want you. Eight years is so painful every time I remember that you turned down my phone, that you didn't return my letters, didn't even read them. I don't want to believe that you're so mad at me that you want to get me out of your life. I don't want to believe that. But the truth of the time...."

"What you believe is true, right?"

"Yes." Yeah."

"I don't want to get you out of my life. Absolutely not, Ram."

Ram nodded. "I'm sorry for everything that happened. I'm stupid. When I got back from out of town, the first thing I did was go see you, but the waiter at your house told me that your family was away for a long vacation. And.. stupidly I was, I thought because you were only seventeen, so it was easy for you to part and start a new life without me. And I thought getting involved with a girl like you was a mistake, but somehow I got so entangled in you from the start. I'm fascinated by your innocence, and I'm always proud of myself when you show your admiration for me that you never cover up. You made me feel that everything could come true, making me believe in eternal happiness. I kept thinking about the time I had to leave you, and you got mad and threw me away. I don't want to blame you. That's a foreseeable thing, because sorry, you are spoiled, you are used to being obeyed, always getting what you want and whatever you want. Because you're your father's favorite daughter. You are the golden boy. Let alone the new CD player, your father even gave her a diamond-encrusted tennis bracelet when you asked her for it. So, I think that's for the best. Because in reality, even though we can be together, I will not be able to give you the life you used to live. I will never be good enough for you. I don't even have anything to offer you. I have never had and will never have anything. That's why after so long my phone call and my letters had no answer. I accepted my mother's offer to get engaged. But it didn't materialize either because I tripped over a legal case. I was imprisoned long enough until Aunt El had enough money to make up for my freedom. I got worse thinking I would never be worthy of you. I'm a poor man and you're a son of a conglomerate. You grew up in a big palace, whereas I even lived in a reservation area. You drive a BMW, I drive a truck, it's not even mine. You go to college, while I go to jail. So many differences. And I give up."

"But you're still asking about me, aren't you?"

"Just asking. Maybe I was hoping...."

"Wish what? What did you expect at that time?"

"Eitherway. But yes, the pain remains, Purna. And there's hate, too."

"But that was the time, Ram. Notnot now. Now I'm in your arms" my voice is choked, though I'm not getting out of Ram's arms. I must not hope, my mind when that hope comes. I'm not getting married again. It won't....

Back Ram kissed my forehead, then a slight smile fell on his lips. "Sleep. May it heal soon."

Thank ye. Keep hugging me, tonight....