Forbidden Love On A Full Night
My Heart is Broken Again

While it was raining heavily out there, I spent my free time in bed thinking about Ram - just like in the past, at college, he said, I spent so much time thinking about Ram, especially at night: wanting to know who the man was dating, whether he was married, whether he was already living happily, he said, even I let myself be jealous of a woman I didn't know I'd never even seen, a woman who might never have been, but in my mind's eyes, I often think of women who see Ram sing, go to the movies with him, take a walk, or take a car to the village. And always, in my mind, I knew the figure of the woman could be myself if I were not so stupid, and so childish. Now I'm thinking about all that. Challenging my past stupidity.

After the day had passed and boredom had crept over me, I stood outside the cottage, staring at the stars, I heard the sound of music playing. With my eyes closed, I imagined myself feeling the rhythm of Ram's music creeping up from the ground, surrounding me, enveloping me. Ram once told me that a song is part of his soul, like mine: part of his soul.

While sigh*, I looked back at the stars. Star light, star bright, first star I see tonnage, I wish I may, I wish I may, have the wish, I wish to. My mind drifted to a mistake I had not corrected: sooner or later I had to go home and face my parents. Go home and try to explain why I left Mr. Reporter at the altar.

The sound of applause crept through the air, and suddenly I ran across the courtyard towards the stage. Gasping, I stopped at the entrance and found a seat in the back, where Ram could not see me.

While watching the man, the other visitors seemed to disappear in excitement, and I was only aware of Ram's whereabouts. I felt a sensation of excitement.

My heart seemed to beat in rhythm with the melodious strains of the song that the man was singing. Next, the man was halfway chanting the next song as he stopped, his gaze searching through the audience. I knew that when he saw me in the audience, I felt a stream of electricity running between us, vital and alive. And as soon as he started singing again, I realized: he was singing only for me, as the man used to do in the past.

Long after that, as soon as he finished singing the final song, I rushed out of the stage area and returned to the cottage. Once inside, I paced from room to room, then, being too restless to sleep, I went outside. For a moment I just stood there, hesitating, then turned around and walked down the path along the river, heading in the opposite direction from Ram's cabin.

The night was so beautiful and bright. A breeze blew between the trees. Crickets creaking. I heard horses neighing in the distance, the faint sound of a country song from one of the huts. As I passed by the place, I looked out the window. Some couples were marching and dancing. While mendesa*, I walk again. I really don't deserve to be here, my mind. Everyone wants a family or a partner, except me. And I feel the nelangsa.

I walked until the inn lights were far behind me, then walked down the riverbank and sat on a rock. The moonlight glittered and glittered on the surface of the water. A fish jumped. I stared at the slow stream, hoping that I could turn back time, hoping that I could tie up the harsh words I once said. But everything has happened, and the chaos still torments me to this day.

Realizing I wouldn't be able to sleep until I saw Ram - precisely stalking Ram once again tonight, I headed towards Ram's cabin. But the man was about to leave his cabin. Toshu crawled out from under the porch and followed Ram walking towards the cage. The stallion snorted softly as they approached.

"Toshu, shut up" said Ram quietly.

While shrill slowly, the anjin* dropped down on his stomach, while his head he spilled over his claws.

Ram rests one arm on the top of the fence. Take out the phone and stare at the screen in desperation. He shook his head as he muttered, "If it's like this, I think I want to give up and just go home to my village."

Toshu barked lightly at her, then got up and nosedived at her feet, as if not allowing her Master to leave.

Seeing Toshu's reaction, Ram smiled blankly. "At least I have a lot of old friends there, Boy. We could go hunting or fishing, spend the night sitting in the open while chatting. I can stay with my cousins. They would love to meet me, of course they wouldn't mind holding me for as long as I want. But. yeah, I know I'm not leaving. Aunt El needs my help here, and I love working on the farm. I became my own boss, had my own place to live, plenty of time, and had the opportunity to sing on stage as often as I wanted, or as often as I wanted. But here...."

There I am, that's why you want to go. My heart hurts, Ram. It hurts if you act like this to me.

The man's desperation almost made me want to give up....

Should I just go for Ram's sake? But I couldn't bear it, it must have been very painful for me. That's heavy. I won't be able to. If you'd understand that, Ram.

While sigh* riled up, Ram snatched the hackamore from the pole where he left it yesterday.

"There is no point in regretting the past or thinking about the woman and anything that might have happened. Whatever. I don't want to care."

Ram ducked into the stable, then put a hackamore on the stallion's head and jumped onto his bare back. He spent an hour teaching the horse to turn left and right, change direction quickly, and walk backwards. Ram felt very happy because the animal was intelligent and agile.

Finally he stopped his horse and leaned my body forward to rub the animal's nape. "We both trained well. Maybe we can sleep now. Okay, Champ?"

After getting off the horse, Ram takes off the hackamore back from the horse's head. While grunting quietly, the horse galloped to the side of the stables furthest away. Ram hangs the hackamore back to the pole, then ducks through the fence.

Toshu stood up, a soft growling sound rang out from his throat as the animal gazed towards the darkness. Towards me.

I was caught by anjin* that. He would have kept growling and could have barked at me had I not come out. So, yeah, that's it.

"You still haven't slept?" ask pleasantries.

My voice was like hitting her with a hot and sweet passion. As he sighed*, Ram turned slowly to face me. "You too" he said coldly.

"I can't sleep."

"Try a glass of warm milk."

"It doesn't work for you."

"I don't like milk. What do you want, Purna?"

"The same thing I always wanted. You."

"This relationship won't work. Why can't you accept that?"

"Because I'm nothing more than a spoiled rich girl, who's used to getting whatever I want. You hear that? Wanted you. Just you."

Ram gasped to hear me throw those words back in his face. "Even the spoiled rich girl must learn to accept defeat."

"I haven't lost."

"Well, I've already."

"Bringsever you, Ram! I know you still care about me. Why don't you fight for me?"

"Because I don't have any ammunition. You hear that? I don't have any ammunition and you know very well about it."

I took a step closer to Ram. "Say that you don't care. Tell me I don't mean anything to you, if you don't miss me as much as I miss you. Tell me I'm not the reason you're here." I took one step further and got closer. "You can't sleep because of me."

"Shoppers! Quiet, Purna!"

As I narrowed the distance between him and me, I placed my hand on Ram's chest. The man was bare-chested and his skin felt warm under my palm. He was near me. Too close. I could feel his rapid heartbeat, feeling the man's breath on my face. And I want Ram more than I want the rising sun. "Say, Ram. Then I'll stay away and you'll never see me again."

"This means nothing" he said in a very raucous tone, then pulled my body into his arms, shook his arms, and kissed me violently. There was no softness in his kiss, no subtlety in his caress. His lips kissed me so hard, forcing my tongue to clash, so long that I had trouble breathing, making me unable to think, that my body seemed to burn and there was nothing else in the world but him. I realized that my body was locked in the strength of his arms, while he realized that his body was stiffening and pulsing with passion.

Suddenly he let go of me and took a step back. "Go home, Purna. You don't fit in here. It will never fit."

"You're asking me to leave?"

She turned. "More than that. I want you to leave. And please don't ever come back."

I looked at Ram with dark eyes like bruises on my face, then I turned and walked away. Run....