Forbidden Love On A Full Night
First Night...?

I walked with quick steps down the path to the office, my cheeks burning with shame. Of all the men in the world, Ramana Lingga is the last person I want to see again. Even though that man was also the person I wanted to meet the most.

Ram. He's still the roughest handsome guy I've ever known. I had hoped that if I ever met that man again, I would feel nothing more, proving that I had completely forgotten him. But it's clearly just hope. Because in fact, seeing that guy still has a strange influence that I can't shake and I can't understand. Even during this time, when I saw a figure similar to him, my heart was always beating uncontrollably because I thought that it was really him.

In the past, the first few weeks after we parted, I slept in the old man's shirt. I never washed it because it smelled like Ram, reminding me of him. Then after a few months had passed and the man had never seen me or simply called me, I burned all the letters, photos and gifts that the man had ever given except one. But the pain was still there, and now, after seeing the man again, I knew the feeling would not go away, because after all, I realized I still loved the man. And now it felt like my intention was faint, I wanted to meet him for some sincerity: perhaps after that I would not feel the pain he had given me, again, I will no longer have a shadow of him in my mind, and, perhaps, I will find a soulmate who will live with me, not die after marrying me.

No. gabe. Don't act like a desperate man, Purna. That was natural. A natural situation where ex-lovers meet again after years of separation. Maybe after this, you can meet Ram in a better situation. Okay well? Relaxing....

But now my stomach was hungry, until it rang loudly, reminding me that I had not eaten anything since breakfast this morning. While checking the schedule that was stuck outside the office, I noticed that dinner dishes were served from 17:30 to 19:00. If I hurry, I can still eat.

And why should I go? I thought as I walked to the cottage. I don't want Ram to think he's freaking me out. I always wanted to visit the farm. I want to fish and ride. And now I'm here. And I'll stay. Stupid with whatever Ram thinks.

The dining room was large and square. A huge fireplace filled almost one side of the wall, a huge deer horn hanging over it. Two long wooden tables, each with enough seats for 24 people, are located in the middle of the room. Half a dozen square tables were lined up on the wall. Some people were still sitting at one of the long tables, talking and laughing with their chatter.

Feeling a little embarrassed, I took a seat at the smaller table next to the window. A while later, Aunt El, who was talking to me in the office hurriedly entered the room. The woman was tall and thin, her thick black hair began to be decorated with gray strands.

"Hi, Miss Beautiful," she greeted me with a smile, "what are you doing here alone? Come on, come and meet the others."

I nodded with a little smile. "I'm sorry, I don't think so, if you don't mind" I said. I'm not in the mood to mince words, or explain why I'm here alone.

Aunt El frowned, then smiled. "alright. We're serving chicken tonight. I'll ask the kitchen man to bring you a plate. What do you want to drink?"

"Brown milk?"

Aunt El patted my shoulder. "I need to check something in the office, but Eis is in the kitchen. He'll help you. If there's something you need, just ask for it."

I'm nodding. "Thank you, Bi."

Aunt El smiled at me. The woman stopped for a while to greet other visitors and disappeared in the kitchen.

Not long after, the woman I had estimated was about the same age as me or at least a little older than me, wearing a blue-and-white apron brought me a plate full of fried chicken, pureed potatoes, a lump of corn, and, a layered biscuit that is still warm, and a tall glass of milk.

"I'm Eis" said the woman. "If Miss wants dessert, just yell."

"Tonight there will be a dance performance" the woman told me as she turned to the kitchen. "Don't miss it."

While nodding, I stared at the food on my plate. My mind is again filled with the shadow of today's chaos, at my foolishness to let Mr. Reporter decide my life. Even about the wedding, the day and the date, choosing the church, deciding where we held the reception, as well as where we were going on our honeymoon. And worst of all, the man had convinced me that we both had a match to want to have a massive wedding, a massive reception, a huge one, and honeymoon in Makassar when he had a job that he considered important there. She ignored me wanting a simple marriage given my status as a widow who was already very embarrassed to have to remarry for the fourth time.

I was so angry, thinking about how that man had manipulated me. How do I just let it go? I'm a smart woman. I hold a college degree and have my own opinions, but Mr. Hartawan Agung Sentosa has entered my life and taken over as if the man has the right to do so. And I've let it. Not again! I'm sick of arrogant macho men. Maybe I'm sick of all the guys. Stella, my aunt, seemed very happy living alone with eight cats, a pair of dogs, and a pair of parrots.

I laugh at myself while chewing my potatoes. Well, maybe I'm not ready to be a hermit surrounded by pets. But it took me a long time to look at another man unless he had a sexy voice, sexy eyes, a charming smile, and the body of a Greek god. As well as cool hair that is rather long like...

I removed the shadow and name of the man from my mind. It's so hard, I can't be consistent on my vows that I won't think about that guy anymore, I still think about it, even often I see him everywhere.

"Forget it!" muttered. "Don't remember him. No, Purna...."

I put away the shadow and concentrated on the food on my plate. I won't be able to eat at all, I thought as I bribed back a spoonful of pureed potatoes. But I spent it. The chicken is so soft and spiced, the potatoes and corn are delicious. The biscuits are melting in my mouth.

It turns out I'm starving. Oops!

I was thinking about what to do with my plates when the kitchen manager came to my desk. "Miss wants dessert?"

I'm shaking. "No, thank you. Emm.... plates...?"

"Leave it. That's my job."

I smile. "Thank you, Tea. Excuse me."

Walking back to the cottage I occupied, my steps came to a halt as I passed the man again. We were both silent for a moment. Later then...

"It's the perfect night for a newlywed couple. May your first night be impressive."

Oh my God, I almost heard it. Let me show her tomorrow morning how satisfied this bride is through the first night!

Well, Baby. wait and see. You're still that cool to me.