Sunshine (2021)
38

Tonight I sit in my room alone, I just watch BTS Run, there's nothing else I do, only those I can be my entertainers. I don't want to share my burden with my friends any more than I know I've just been self-medicating from the past.

I miss fathan, but there's nothing I can do. He was hurt by someone he picked then he hurt me the one who helped him to recover.

If I were him, I would choose to hurt someone new just because of the past.

Hahaha who was right after many things we went through, why should I take it off?. I'm happy, I'm also accompanying her through depression, then she who did not know where to suddenly come snatch her from me then they were happy together.

I really want her to remember me as the one who helped her recover and get back to her past.

I love her and hate her in one heart. I miss her but like her I'm better off without her. I wanted her out of my life but I never really wanted her to leave.

Had he said something to stop wishing on her first, maybe I wouldn't have been this sick.

...****************...

This morning I still have to go to school, the chapter today is the day of the report division. After the report distribution we will have two weeks off to take a break from school problems.

Because last night I was busy thinking about fathan, I even dreamed of meeting him. The word people miss someone until carried away the dream is the most sad concept. So no wonder why my tears drip without cause when I wake up.

“how na?”. Kenza asked, I showed my sad face.

“deamannn!!!”. I jumped in excitement.

“his gift later yes fit at home”. I nodded happily. It turns out there are still men who can be trusted.

When I got home, I heard a notification popping up on my phone. I saw Kenza sending a video through the WhatsApp app.

Is this what he promised me?. I opened the video, clearly visible his face there with a guitar he was holding.

I was amazed at her. You should know, A gift is not seen from how expensive the price is but how much effort it does and gets the gift.

Doesn't Kenza look very sincere? But I still can not accept it, not her I do not like her, I like her but still at the limit of reasonable likes.

I'm comfortable with her, too. I just don't want to be kan kenza as a place to vent my heart problems, at the end of it it will also hurt both of us.

I also don't want to date my former friends. The shadow that they had been together, it was very possible for one of them to still harbor feelings. You understand what I mean?.

Her tongue is sharper than thorns, I don't want to be called a shameless woman, like no other man.

I also don't want to be hurt by his behavior and how he treats many women.

If anyone asks me why I did not accept Kenza, I will answer because of these three things. Three things will end fatally if in trivial right.

I don't know what to say sorry and thank you for loving me.

...****************...

The two-week holiday was very long for me. In these two weeks I spent my day just missing her and trying to forget her. Hard?, of course, but I don't cry because something that makes her happy doesn't need me to cry.

He's a drug but I'm taking him at an excessive dose, which is why I'm sick. It's all my fault

.

Rosa asked me. “ if you know something will end badly, can you stop it while it still feels beautiful?”.

At first I refused to stop before the bad thing actually happened, now the end I regret why not stop from the beginning.