Sunshine (2021)
18

Why doesn't he clarify our relationship, is there no sense in him to have me?. Sometimes it's better far than close but not felt, half and a half this is very unpleasant. But still not the self that I have to lose, but my hope. It is not the wrong circumstances that bring together, but the wrong feelings that come. For if indeed his heart is not for me from whichever side I love his wounds will still be my friend.

And it all comes back to the core of her problem: relationship clarity, if there's no relationship clarity I can't stop wishing on her, because I don't know she wants me near or far. If only he had said it, it might have been better for me.

...****************...

Tonight I was sitting with my mother in the living room, telling her about how my day at school was. I told her about my daily life at school but not in the least I talked about it to my mother, that man is not mine at all I have no right to call his name among my family. Was busy telling me the end there was an incoming call from the man, the man who did not have me. Calling her not mine just makes me a little self-conscious.

“hallo what's up?”.

“na I went to your house yes, want to take money to buy paint, paint that was already abis”.

“bentar ya later I will be notified via chat aja”.

“okee,, I wait yaa”.

“iyaaa”. Fathan turned off his phone.

Fathan and some of his other male friends did choose to continue the evening work for the class because the time we had was very short, only one week and now only a few days left.

“who's brother?”. Ask the mother

“temen bun, want to come here to take cash. Can you?, my friend is male”. I deliberately clarified her gender so that my mother knew what decision she had to give me.

“mother also did not know, which father?”.

“gor bun, I'm gali”.

“yaa if it is really necessary to tell come aja, later I will definitely ngerti”.

“iya bun”. Then I told fathan, let him come.

I waited for fathan to come with the heart of dag dig dug, the first man to come to my house. Like I have to record it in my history.

Another concern was the fear of my father's reaction.

While waiting for her with fear in my heart, I walked back and forth in the living room. Not only am I dizzy but the mother who sees me also goes along dizzy.

“already don't be afraid”.

“tuh she has reached”. My mother's words scared me even more. My fear makes no sense, but it's a first for me anyway.

“already cepet, kasian she waited long”. Continue mother.

Right said mother. After all what I was afraid of, he came here just to take the money, nothing special and after getting the money he would definitely leave. If I give him money for a long time, he will be here for a long time and it will be even more dangerous for me.

l'm out. I tied my hair when I went out to see her.

“ nih”. I gave it to her .

“here your home na?”. Ask alvi. Alvi is one of fathan's gang friends, it just so happens that tonight he accompanied fathan.

“iya, when if there is a passing by aja”. I said stale.

“ehh, btw kok you know home ku”. I asked fathan.

“this is my second time here”. His statement. But I don't remember him, all I know is that this was his first time here.

“was fitting I came here I took the symbol of clothes Just you are not there so take her same mother mu”.

It was obviously because of seeing my confused face.

While I was talking to them, my father passed us with his sharp gaze.

“already you guys flick back to school, ntar you guys did not even have time to snecat”.

I have no intention of expelling them. I wanted to talk to her for longer but that look really intimidated me and I had to code them to come back soon.

“already you enter gih, I returned first yaa”. Pamit fathan's.

“iya, you heartily bring his motor, do not speed”.

“iya”. Answer her obediently.

Hearing her soft answer that my heart melted, especially with her treatment.I can no longer describe how my heart condition.

“na I'm back ya”. Pamit.

“iya al, hearts hearts ya”. I waited for them to disappear from my sight and then I entered the house.

As soon as I entered I saw my father sitting on the living room couch looking up at me.

“who was sister?”.

“temen well, take cash because there is a class requirement that must be purchased”.

“it can't be tomorrow morning?”.

“ga can be well because it is important”.

“other time no men come here tonight like last night. Can you understand?”.

“can yah”.

I looked down at my eyes until my father disappeared from before me.