Illusions
CHAPTER 2 (Part 2)

"I know you don't want me to talk about that day, but believe me when I say, that day is the day I think about everything. Your gaze is watching me go. It's torturous, you know? Ideas to escape from you. "

Yeri lay on her bed, thinking of everything that happened last night between her and Jungkook, her back was straighter than a ruler and her face was staring blankly like a sheet of paper. What exactly is he thinking? Everything that happened was his fault, really. He was too angry, he was too angry. He should not have replied to Jungkook's words and he should not have been around Jungkook either. Jungkook always pulls something from inside Yeri to get out.

Thankfully, her parents were not home (like being truly grateful) so she could just lie down and do nothing, her palms covering her stomach, she said, his eyes stared at the glowing stars hanging on the roof of his house from a few days ago when his parents were still home. He is more of a thinker, a judgmental person than an extrovert who finds joy in movement and friends around him; he is more of a thinker; so his current moment of absence is not as often as he likes to believe there is.

His phone rang out of nowhere and he groaned, not wanting to get out of his comfortable position but still grabbing it. However, he forced himself to drag his hand to the table and pick it up. He heard Suho's soft voice from the other side. Instead of greeting him, Suho immediately said.

"Wanna stop by?" Her tone was suspicious both, too gentle, and despite the suspicion that had arisen in her stomach; yeri did not question it.

"Sure, why not?" Yeri shrugged her shoulders. He has no reason to refuse Suho's meeting with his friends. Fortunately, this time it was not a party.

Suho was surprised by the instant reply. "Thank you?"

"Yup," Yeri stood up from her bed and stretched her body, as she swung her legs preparing to leave. "Why did I bring something?"

"Just you and your cute little ass!" Suho exclaimed, his soothing gentleness just disappeared.

"Ew. You're disgusting, "Yeri laughs from her stomach to her throat. "I'll be there in half an hour."

"Make it ten minutes!" Suho hung up the phone before he could tell her that it was impossible.

He gets ready in no time, which is an easy figurative considering his parents are not home to take his personal time. He chose to wear black jeans and a faded brown turtleneck after a cold shower. He took the bus to Suho's house and managed to reach it within forty minutes. Suho's house is closer to Jungkook's dormitory, which is an hour away from his house. The fact that Suho wanted her here within ten minutes sounded crazy. The rich are sometimes irrational.

After ringing his bell, Suho opened the door for him with a pouting face.

"Thank you for arriving at your own leisure time, my queen," Suho said sarcastically, looking at her with a very dissatisfied expression. Yeri just shrugged and walked past him to get inside the house, Suho just followed him while stomping his feet.

"thank you. I will always take my free time now and then. " Yeri retorted back just as sarcastically.

"Don't push it, kid."

Yeri ignored him and looked around. Other than the television that lit up in the living room where he was standing right now, the entire house looked empty. He turned around and gave Suho a curious look.

"Where is everyone?"

"They came," said Suho, briefly. Then, as if trying to quietly, cleared his throat, dodged his eyes and acted very badly as it looked conspicuous. Suho raised his eyebrows. "So, I have something to ask."

"Oh no." Yeri groaned, dropping down on the sofa, in front of the TV, which Suho usually occupied before he arrived.

"Oh no?" Suho widened his eyes. "What's with that tone?"

"I feel like I know where this conversation is going." Yeri trembled, her voice coming out like a breathless and muffled person on the sofa, she pushed her face, her legs hanging and kicking into the air. Suho came towards him and shook his calf.

"Well, you're right," Suho sighed. "I just want to know what really happened between you and Jungkook. At first, I thought you guys didn't like each other because you guys were too similar, but all of your sharp gazes, and the yells in the dormitory back then," Suho stopped, an expression of contemplation painted his face and he looked up at the ceiling. "Buddy, I've never been wrong in responding about a relationship before. How could I have misrespected your relationship? "

"There's nothing between us-"

The doorbell rang loudly, cutting off Yeri's protest. He sighed in resignation and relief, and Suho stared at him sharply.

"We'll talk about this later."

Suho went to open the door and he corrected himself on the sofa. He tilted his head towards the door and he saw it. It was Jungkook, and Jungkook immediately frowned when he saw him sitting down and looked at him when he appeared. Suho walked behind him, grinning at the comment in his heart that only Yeri could hear.

"You are so strange, coming on time today," said Jungkook somewhat stiffly, looking at him with puzzled eyes. "What's going on?"

"On time?" Suho sneered before he could speak. "He came here after forty minutes, now it's fifty minutes. Don't trick me. He will never learn about time management. "

Jungkook smirked in agreement, more than the fact Yeri was being insulted from anything, really. He rolled his eyes.

"Can we start this meeting, or what?" Yeri asked in annoyance.

"We wait for the others," Suho rolled his eyes in the same way that Yeri did before. Then, suddenly, Suho beamed, remembering something. "I brought tons of good alcohol from my father's house. They would be useless if not drunk. "Yeri," Yeri was surprised by the call, releasing her eyes from Jungkook's face. "Want to drink today?"

Yeri shrugged her shoulders. "certain."

The two men blinked simultaneously, startled at Yeri's reply and how relaxed she replied. "What." They mutter.

Yeri is smart in many ways. He is studious, observant, smart, and knows a lot of information about space. His friends tell him that he is also a good listener, apart from his usual sarcastic comments coming out whenever they tell him about the stupid things they do, especially Suho. But never once did he resist the effects of alcohol properly. One glass and he's down. Everyone knows it, and he knows it too. That was why he rarely drank, so his agreement to drink casually astonished them. Who is the girl standing in front of them now?

"I said definitely," Yeri wrapped her arms around the body, feeling uncomfortable with their gazes. "Why are you looking at me like this?"

"Because of your answer, you fool," Jungkook blinked his eyes, and Yeri was so shocked by how cute Jungkook was blinking, he bit his lips so hard that he wouldn't say that. "When have you been drinking?" Jungkook finished his sentence.

"Since today," Yeri looked at him coldly, but there was doubt in his voice. Everyone heard it, even Suho, and Suho looked at them suspiciously. "Whatis that? Want me to stop before I start, Jungkook? You think I should hold back, or better yet, help? "

Jungkook's heartbeat raced inside him, and he pouted. He knows exactly what he is insinuating, but he will not fall for the game Yeri plays. If Yeri wants to act like an independent little girl, then Jungkook will not come play with her.

Suho blinked between them, standing like a sore thumb as the two stared at each other furiously, reproaching each other staring at each other.

Fortunately, he said nothing. At least not yet.

Yeri's drunk.

How does he know that? Yes, because he drank four glasses of soju and a cup of red wine. He is very bad at holding himself back while drunk and tends to sprint and trample anything that gets in his way. He walked into the kitchen with shaky footsteps, giggling at something ordinary.

When Sehun and the others arrived; suho immediately pulled out the drink and connected his big TV to the Netflix channel. He prefers to read about astronomy rather than watching stupid and unrealistic sci-fi about children born on the moon, but he is forced to sit down with them with a single sweep of Kyungsoo's hands, pulling her down to sit next to him and shoving a glass of alcohol into his hand when Suho announced to everyone that he was drinking. Now he was four cups and he saw things in his vision become blurred, and he felt he had to get out of that living room or he cried in front of everyone. If there was something he really hated; it was showing weakness in front of the people he cared about and suffering from a miserable feeling of depression that swallowed him afterwards.

So he distracts her by going to the kitchen, hoping she gets a glass of water and runs away from the thought that led her towards that alcoholic drink. They were so clear in his mind, so transparent, so excited; he could almost hear the sound of his parents' fingers drawing marks on his body, or their nails being like wood when they wanted to carry him. He held his breath, whispered something to light a warning sign on his head and then disappeared like a extinguished fire.

He's very drunk. He could see his mother smiling at him. He's very drunk. He could see his father's disapproval from afar. He was so drunk that he could smell the smell of blood from his body strewn across the floor. She's so...

His arm which he swung accidentally slapped Sehun's face as he came to the kitchen to fetch water. Sehun cried more out of surprise than the pain he got, and Yeri gasped for breath as she spun around to look at Sehun, then laughed loudly at the same time.

"I'm sorry! Pardon me! Sorry!" Yeri laughed loudly, her voice echoing the well-sealed despair. "Oh my God, I just slapped you in the face, my God. "

"Don't worry," Sehun calmed him down, while rubbing his left cheek the place where Yeri actually slapped him, his slap painted red on Sehun's skin. Sehun stopped rubbing the former slap to give Yeri a strange look. "Are you drunk?"

Yeri ignored his question and pointed at his cheek. "There's a red sign there. You look cute with handwriting on your handsome face. "

Seems amused. Yeri is not the type of person who likes to laugh or laugh easily. His face split into a wide smile, his cheeks flushed red from the alcohol he could not stand. Sehun was actually very, very amused to see Yeri so drunk, like Yeri was not the same person now.

"You think my face is handsome?" Sehun asked jokingly, turning one of his perfect eyebrows upwards.

Yeri laughed again loudly, clapping her hands. "You. Moderate. Kidding.!"

Sehun's eyes widened at Yeri's loud tone of voice, staring at her ears. "What?"

"You asked me, do I think your face is handsome!" Yeri laughed more, and more, and she sounded like she was on the verge of insanity. He clapped again. "Are you kidding me! Are you kidding me! Are you kidding me!" His laughter suddenly turned into a loud and boisterous scream. "Are you really joking now?"

Suddenly, Yeri was not here. She wasn't in the kitchen talking to Sehun (or yelling at him) she was somewhere else. He was home, late and scared. He was so good at counting time properly that he could return home safely and healthily, without breaking his curfew. But something happened that day, that whole day he hid himself in the park so he didn't have to come home early and actually serve his sentence (he once believed he was punished for doing what he liked better than being saved by doing nothing. It was him who was brave enough to do just that) and he came late, slower than his parents because now they were already at home before him. He could still remember the trembling that enveloped his body, or his eyes widening from the bluish bruises on his back that had not healed from the punitive sessions he had gotten before. He stood at the door, played his fingers and prayed that he would be safe today.

No God listens, and yet, not a single moment in his life feels any longer than it is now.

"God!"

He heard his voice being called out again, like a background noise, but he was stuck in his memories, one by one attacking himself like the waves on the beach, getting bigger and wet, terrifying. He did not respond to that voice. She kept crying and crying, clutching her hair, her face, her stomach, her wrists, all about her, hoping that her pain would go away.

"God!"

He felt a hand try to grab him and his fear increased. He clawed at the arm, shouted and repeated one sentence over and over again.

"Take me off! Unhand me! Don't touch me! Don't touch me! Unhand me!"

The hand took it off and suddenly she returned to her memory, remembering those heavy arms that held her, stroked her, whispered sweet things to her, cried with her, slept with her, passed the pain with her. He recognized the arm of the one person he was always with. Jungkook, Jungkook, Young-kook.

He returned to reality gasping for breath, he wept, feeling an unshakable silence. He lifted his face from between his hands and looked up slowly, seeing they were all swarming nearby, Jungkook was in front, with his eyes widened.

"Yerui?" Jungkook muttered chaotically, still swallowed in fear. He gives her one of his hands and Yeri grabs it, holding it quickly, pulling Yeri towards him. Jungkook did not move, he just whispered softly. "You're with us."

"Jungkook?" Yeri muttered back, curled up in front of Jungkook, hiding her face on his knees and still holding Jungkook's soft hands that felt soft in his hands.

"Yes?" Jungkook muttered again so softly that no one could hear him, but they heard him, and they were surprised by the way he looked at Yeri, she said, or the way he gave his hand to resuscitate Yeri back to earth, or how he talked to Yeri. Yeri looked at her with teary face and sad eyes, her face red.

"Why are you two?"

Jungkook gave him a tense smile, squeezing Yeri's hand in his hand. "Because you're drunk."

"You want to go home, Yeri?" Suho asked, approaching the two of them and kneeling between them, the others stood upright behind them.

Yeri's eyes widened, but she did not shift her gaze away from Jungkook just to stare at Suho. He only looked at the man. He shook his head. "No, I don't want to go home."

"Come," Jungkook grabbed his hand. "Let's go to my place."

Yeri cried again gently in her car. He could feel the woman curled up at the window, near the door, trying to hide herself and her vulnerability to him and move away from him. Part of Yeri was dying of shame at what she had done in the kitchen with Jungkook, but the other part of her, the chaotic, drunk part was careless, indifferent, indifferent, it was almost happy to let go of the little confinement that surrounded him. But why is she still crying?

He cried softly, pressing his hands to his mouth so loudly that he did not make a louder sound. Her tears streamed down her cheeks like two rushing waterfalls and she could feel her eyes swell up, a reddish color coating her two eyes with how intense her tears came out, or how the tremors were shaking his body.

Surprisingly Jungkook fell silent beside him, driving with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the transmission lever. Yeri did not know that she tightened her grasp, trying hard not to yell at the world for being unfair. Yeri did not know that she wanted to pull him into her body, hugging him tightly so that all of his wounds healed just like that. Yeri did not know because she was wearing a nice disguise. Yeri will probably never know either.

"I really scared them back then, didn't I?" Yeri started softly, her voice no louder than a distant whisper, her eyes fixed on the scene behind the glass window.

Jungkook grunting. Jungkook did not look at him. "Yes, you did. You should have seen Sehun's face. "

"Oh my God," Jungkook smiled faintly. He also did not look towards Jungkook. "I have to traumatize him, poor man."

Jungkook scoffing. "Yes, right."

Silence enveloped them, the two did not know what to say in this situation, so they remained silent; their minds were staggered with different emotions and thoughts that were undivided, mixed up.

"I don't want to go home." Yeri muttered once more.

"I know."

"Do you know how scared I was just by the concept of returning home?" Yeri was horrified to re-imagine, the house was horrible enough to hurt her for life.

"I know." Jungkook muttered back.

"Do you have a literal idea of what it's like to be suffocated by the look in their eyes and pretend like I love them, or respect them, or have something positive about them?"

"I know."

Yeri looked at him with wide eyes, finally, and she looked hysterical as she exclaimed. "You know? How do you know when you have the perfect family? "

Jungkook pulled the teeth of the car backwards so that suddenly the car stopped with a tire squeak that was so sudden, their bodies both advanced by force. They might have already tapped their foreheads onto the dashboard of the car if it wasn't for the seat belts. Yeri fixed her position back with a marked increase in her heart rate. When he looked at Jungkook, slowly, Jungkook was already looking at him with wide-eyed, furious, and vulnerable eyes.

"Tell that again to my face. I challenge you. "Jungkook hissed, his hands curled roughly on the steering wheel.

Yeri turned her face away and did not look at her for the rest of the trip. Jungkook doesn't mind, he has his own words to share. He continued traveling in silence for a while, at least ten minutes passed without anyone saying anything. Then, after a little time, Yeri found herself whispering. "How can I begin to understand that you, in fact, know what I'm going through when you're not going through it yourself? I don't want you to suffer the same abuse I've received, but how can I be assured that you know what little pain I'm going through? How can I be good enough with the glow of light behind your eyes? How could I revive myself from all this sadness when it was all I had received in my life? How can I involve myself from the pursuit of death on my shoulders? You say you understand me, you say you know me, but not everything can be perceived by understanding or knowledge. Some things are just to be understood. "

"I've done it all!" Jungkook exclaimed, but with how hard he spoke, he might as well shout. "Don't tell me I don't understand, don't you dare! I've been by your side for three years, from the beginning of high school to the end, and have seen it all through my eyes. Your pain, your suffering, your sickness, your bruises, your tattered life. I know you very much and I don't know how I can make you understand that I am a part of you and you will always be a part of me. "

Yeri cried back to Jungkook, her tears gushing. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't take it. "

Jungkook gulped and turned to the left. When he spoke next; he sounded tired. "I know, and you should apologize, for getting rid of the good stuff."

When they reached Jungkook's house, Jungkook actually offered to carry him, seeing him who was so messy with his emotions that he could not even walk without being led. Jungkook offers to carry her on his back but she refuses and tells him to carry her from the front so she can hide her face. Of course, he did not say this to Jungkook's face, but Jungkook might be suspicious since he did not deny it. Jungkook took her in his arms, and he wrapped Jungkook's arms around his neck, and his legs around his waist. Jungkook walked towards his room carrying Yeri like that from the outside all the way inside like an angry child.

Jungkook's body has evolved more than ever when they were young. Her chest resembled a soft yet firm pillow, and her neck felt warm as Yeri buried her face on it; yeri's cheeks flushed from looking at the man's face for too long. She felt a soft touch on her baby hair by Jungkook's fingers, and she drowned her fingers between them. Jungkook walked in such a slow time that Yeri could take all her time to inhale the scent, inhaling Jeon Jungkook's scent into her lungs.

Yeri stuck to him so hard that his body stuck to Yeri's body.

Jungkook laid her on the bed as soon as they were inside his room, and chose to push himself away, but Yeri whined and refused to let go, Yeri's arm still locked around his neck.

"Please, don't go." Yeri breathed, and she was very close to Jungkook's neck, her roar of breath flowing down Jungkook's neck. Jungkook shivered happily and gulped his saliva, placing his palm between the sides of Yeri's body so that his own body did not fall on Yeri.

"Why do you think you deserve this?" Jungkook muttered back, his voice clearly like a heartbroken person. "Why do you think you're worthy of me?"

"Jungkook," whined Yeri again, his voice like a mixture of sincerity and alcohol. He combed Jungkook's hair gently. "I miss you."

Jungkook relented when he heard that, his heartbeat widened so fiercely to his chest that he could not breathe for a moment. He leaned back with a bated breath and pecked his forehead. He ignored Yeri's surprised breath. "I miss you too."

"Please stay here with me."

"Yeri," Jungkook let out a sad voice from the back of his throat. "I can't."

"Jungkook, please," now Yeri clearly sounds crazy over alcohol. His breath smelled of soju and his voice was also filled with soju. "I want you. I love you. Miss you. I want you. I love you-"

"Yeri," he growled at the way parents rebuked their children. "Stop."

Tears fall and Jungkook admits that Yeri is not numb due to his alcohol. Part of him is conscious. Yeri hiccupped in her cries, as they flowed and flowed and flowed on her face and never stopped, Yeri's fingers gripped loudly on her black clothes so she could see Yeri's knuckles whitening.

"I destroyed us, didn't I?" Yeri started, crying. "I destroyed you with my cowardice. That day I left you, that day I left you all, I— "

"Don't say anything" Jungkook gulped his saliva. These were words he had always wanted to hear but somehow at the moment he could not bear to hear them. It's too painful. "Don't talk about that day."

"You might think that I never looked back, that my departure was so easy, that it left you looking so easy, but it wasn't. I kept looking back, over and over, I kept hoping you'd pull me in my hoodie, pull me back from the train. I kept standing in front of the carriage for so long that I forgot to have driven it three times. I'm a mess- "

"Never tell me how messed up you were when you chose to leave!" Jungkook could not help it; he shouted. "You take a step forward. You're the one who decided you had enough. You're the one who's not brave enough. You're the one who looks disheveled as usual. You're the one who chose to stay as usual, so don't tell me how hard it is for you when you don't have a clue about how hard it is for me! "

"Jungkook-"

"Stop, Yeri. We're done. We were never even something in the first moment, and now this is never going to happen. "

Jungkook lets Yeri go after he violently pulls Yeri's fingers away from his shirt, and he walks away while hearing Yeri's cry echoing in his ear.