ELECTORAL MAN
A Confession

The dining table is still neatly arranged. Me and I just enjoyed dinner. Hmm, how delicious the oxtail soup and chicken satay that Mas Farid ordered earlier.

We were still sitting in the dining chair. When Mas Farid suddenly spoke.

"I want to talk, but first I want to apologize to you. Please forgive my mistake!"

His face looked pale like a person sitting on a sickly chair. Waduh, what's going on?

"I'm sorry why ?"

Bad feelings started to ambush me. Does he want to admit that he is gay?

He was silent, his head down.

"Speak aja Mas. I'm ready to hear it!"

"I'm sorry, but I really have to be honest. I don't want to hurt you too long. But I am also more tormented by this feeling. I shouldn't be rash in my decision...."

Then sentence by sentence kept flowing. He seemed so tense but he asked me to continue listening without interrupting his explanation.

Astagfirullahaladzim apos..... So all this time he was?

Booooms..... A loud explosion hit my heart. Oh my God, what kind of joke is this?

"I know, I was wrong. But I can't forget it. And until this moment, I was still expecting it. I love her too much. I can't live without him...."

What ???? my heart began to drift.

"Why did you marry me?" I'm getting sobbing.

He continued his sentence. My heart is breaking, not because. But I didn't leave the dining table. I am still curious about all the explanations. Let it be, let it be clear. Let all this pain be complete.

What kind of crazy game is this? I felt like I was on the edge of a cliff. I clung to the edge of the bridge which was almost fragile. I'm preparing to fall in a minute.

He still keeps telling stories. I don't know what power it is that makes me strong enough to listen. Hey, Ninis why aren't you jealous?

Of course I was burned jealous. Even wanted to explode. He was telling me about his ex-wife and being honest with me that he has not been able to move on and still very much expects his ex-wife to come back to him.

The intonation of his voice that was initially so nervous for a long time increasingly sounded calm and slow. Like the sound of a slow flowing stream. Maybe because he saw I was not raging and got out of the chair then he could show a calm attitude.

...****************...

"She was willing to come back again on one condition. The condition is that I have to marry another woman. I know this is a crazy idea. But I..."

"Who filed for divorce first?" ask Me.

"He. I never wanted a divorce. I still hope that one day he can change. But Meylan stayed on his decision. I'm really sorry I let go. I realized, I can't live without him..." Mas Farid's face pias.

Edans. This is totally insane. It was so easy he said everything. Confession that he never wanted me. Oh my God, now it's all revealed. From the beginning actually, I was already suspicious of his attitude that was so rigid and flat. There was no happy expression when we were about to get married.

Apparently, from the beginning he did not want this marriage? so why should he do it too?

What is the purpose of him actually marrying me?

Oh Allah... How bad is my fate? do I not deserve to be happy? warm circles are falling from the corner of my eye. It's really painful...

"Now how do you want the real you?" I ventured to ask.

I am ready for the worst decision. If it has to end, it ends. I'm ready to be destroyed now....

Seriate.