Dul
059. From a Picture

“Mau doodles what?” ask Fredy's brother again. They were sitting face to face at a small table. “HVS paper is five,” he continued touching the paper under Fredy's cupped hand.

“Long time does not hold a pen. My writing must be messed up,” said Fredy. “Yes, I just went home with nothing. Still a few days away,” said Fredy slowly.

“I appeal again how, Dy? You don't give up that. His name is also kusaha.”

“I'm tired,” shrewd Fredy. “The taste is indeed kepengin tambahan, Mas.” His head looked down at the paper and one hand twirled the pen.

“Don't say that. If tired yes lying in the dalem. I'll go home first. Tomorrow I'm here again.” Brother Fredy got up from the chair. Then he stopped unzipping his bag. “Oh, yes.I cited this photo with Kakang Sejah. He said he was stuck in the old Dul closet. Next month the homes of the colonized parents will be vacated. It's sold,” he added again.

Fredy picked up the object that was proffered by his brother and opened the plastic slowly. Highlight Fredy turned grim, yet his lips curved up a smile. “Dul TK playing drum band,” he said. “The photo is good.”

The photo shows Dul's proud face and his big smile. “Dul can smile as sweet as this when his life was difficult,” murmured Fredy.

“Simpen, Dy. Brother coming home now.” Big brother Fredy patted his sister on the shoulder and passed from that place. Fredy was alone and two officers. A moment later Fredy was already in the hallway. Walk down and look at the photo of Dul. There were two other children who were his flesh blood. Two other boys were born from two different women.

Among the three women, it was only the Colonized who did not want her child, but the Colonized ended up risking her life for Dul. Different from the other two. Both wanted Fredy's son in the name of love. However, it ended up abandoning her child.

“Dul .. son of the most handsome father.” Fredy rubbed Dul's face on the surface of the photo, then his hand flipped the photo sheet. Fredy's stunned. Handwriting version of Dul TK is depressing, ‘Di photo father bara’. Fredy smiled wryly and accelerated his footsteps.

Inside his room, Fredy leaned a piece of Dul's photo against the wall and his own head hung down on the paper. Several times he looked up to think, then looked back down. Then as if forgetting what he was about to do, Fredy looked up again.

Fredy took nearly half an hour to temper his pen. The first sentence he wrote was ….

Khadijah.

I don't mean anything. This letter will either arrive, or not. I just want to write again. It's been years not holding a pen. I'm not an office man like your husband.

Now I'd love it if we never spoke a word correctly. I could never. Which I can do all my will in a hurry. It feels like if something happens beyond my will, my emotions go up. Everything should be as I wish. From a long time ago, my parents never gave me the understanding that not everything in the world can fulfill my dreams. Including when you first see you.

Sweet, simple, and your frown is pouting. The more I look, the more I want a wife like you. Even though your father said that you were still in school, I again managed to corner people to obey me.

I'm under threat for marrying a minor. Your father receded again because he was afraid of me and my family. I am evil. I'm devious. I'm worried you'll be with someone else. Whatever the story is, you must be mine.

But I thought you'd get me. I guess I'm not too ugly. I thought I could live like everyone else, have a family, gather in one house. In fact, I only remember about myself.

Your refusal makes me hurt, Jah. So disgusted you look at me. Twenty-eight years old, my friend was happy with the woman he loved. But why can't I? Why am I being rejected? Everyone in my family at the time assured me that I could have you. Get there, I'm angry. I'm angry at you Jah. What's wrong with me?

That's just a few of my feelings. I always think about me. My pleasure, my anger. I realized, I had never thought about anyone else in the past. I think I missed learning about it. But.since fortified these walls, I've been thinking a lot. I only realized then that I actually had nothing to promise. My job doesn't exist. Everyone around my house knows Fredy the unemployed. Fredy was a drug addict and had been imprisoned at a young age. The only treasure at that time was only a patch of house left from my parents whose plan I will make your residence.

I just want that.

I don't remember taking away the future of a 17-year-old girl without asking her if she was willing to marry me or not. I forget that marriage is a principle that must be equally willing. Must be love together. I also don't remember you being a student who probably hasn't thought about getting married. I was 28 years old when I only got married. I want to have children.

In fact, I'm destroying you even more with my will. I hate you for not accepting me, Jah. I hate you for being disgusted with me. I hate you even more when you're crazy just for conceiving my son. I hate you, Jah. So disgusted are you with me.

For years I believed that you would waste my son. In fact, you take care of it and take care of it. I hate you more and more. I hate you because you take very good care of Dul. Maybe, better than my own or my family's taking care of Dul.

I hate you because you and Dul can survive without me. I don't want you to just forget me, Jah. I'm jealous. I am increasing my guilt and sins by disturbing you. Torturing you, torturing Dul. I don't want to be forgotten. I want you guys to be around me. I want people to keep telling me the news about my son and my ex-wife who walked in here and there.

To Be Continued