Secrets & Prejudice = Keep it secret, you will hurt
Sevenfold determination.

One new fact I know about Ananta. He, like Miss Lita. A graceful woman who was so beautiful that she was often praised by her own students.

Despite having known him for quite a while, it felt like I knew nothing more about that person. Curiosity led me to browse all night, stalking into the social media accounts of Bu Lita who was not just one. Because of my persistence I found Bu Lita's second account which seemed to be very secret. There, the beautiful young teacher was more free to express her feelings.

I read one post after another, until my eyes were glued to a sentence he posted with a photo.

‘Loving you is a doubt, because it forces me to give up what I've been fighting for. Should I really say goodbye?’ write Bu Lita, complete with photos in the frame showing a happy photo with a girlfriend.

Pretty handsome grown man, I'm very honest about this. That guy is really handsome. Post that somehow makes me happy. Does this mean I still have a chance? since I knew the teacher already belonged to someone else, and Ananta would definitely back off if he found out about this, I smiled wickedly once again. I thought of something to upset Ananta. Well, hopefully with this he will realize and accept the fact that his love is very impossible.

“mother, I want to invite Nanta to dinner together later” I said suddenly in the middle of silence. Mom hasn't talked to me since I slammed the door yesterday. Mother's guilty face turned into a thin smile. Relieved perhaps, the beloved and his son got back together after my anger that day. You know what I call a favorite and who I call a child. I didn't wait for the answer and went straight to school.

Early in the morning I looked for Shinta with a fierce spirit. I'm embarrassed to show off that I just found something. I know faster than he thinks.

"Shinta." call me when I find him talking to Ananta. My smile faded a little to see it. I don't want to smile in front of Ananta. Shinta immediately approached when she saw me.

"hmm why" he said with a song's face as usual.

"i know." enough with that sentence I found Shinta smiling proudly as if she had managed to raise a child. He patted my back a few times.

"then. how?" the question confused me, how.

"i should comfort you or encourage you? is it time we hang out on the roof again?" continued. Ah, true. My condition is now between those two words. Being in need of comfort means I give up and stop trying for everything about Ananta, encouraging me means I'm crazy to keep chasing him even though I know he likes other people. I was a lunatic for answering Shinta's question with sparkling eyes, and full of hope.

"give me some spirit." Well, I can't stop liking Ananta. That stupid feeling has been around since I was a kid. Blame the mother who raised the two of us together, to the point that I can't really hate her like this.

Shinta patted my shoulder a few times. Maybe he also realized that I was a little crazy about this unrequited love problem. Just look, he looks at me with a little concern. Am I really pathetic?.

"Nanta's. Later, dinner at my house. I cooked a lot." I said coldly. I can also mimic your annoying expression it knows!

"hmm" he just nodded for a while then left just like that. Just so, and that cold war that I might have felt myself, ended. Disappointed, jealous, wounded, desperate. All those feelings are only felt by the loving side. I don't know. I felt even more miserable when I saw Ananta walking away from me.

I just realized once again. Even the little things I always chase after them. When he came home from school he always walked first, in class, he never looked at me. I just realized all this time I've been looking at his back more than at his eyes looking at me. This feeling of defeat. I hate him so much.

...****************...

Ms. Lita taught our class today. Ananta became more diligent in taking notes on his usual appeal. But what he wrote was something else that now looks like irony. His feelings were wrong, but he was so persistent.

“Ananta” calls me, tries to force him to turn his head.

“Hmm?” the answer is as short and unconcerned as usual. I chose to write on sticky notes ‘Lunch tonight at my house!’. I stick the paper in the book in a hurry. ‘I ate at restaurant’ he wrote thoroughly and then he returned it to me. ‘I have important information about Bu Lita’ wrote me with a large font trying to persuade him. He did not reply, I added ‘ very important and personal’ below but he remained silent. I know how Ananta, thanks to all these years of living together I know exactly he's definitely coming.

“Tante” night Her greeting in front of the door, my heart cheers for her arrival. He chose to eat at my house again rather than the restaurant he had said before.

“Ah Yes Ananta, come on in, aunt already prepared a good meal today” said mother more happy again. I must have thought the relationship between us was okay.

“Here's an aunt?” his tanyanya makes me a ria ng-smirk. I managed to make him come up with the reason of that beautiful teacher.

“oh, Ananta met Alana aunty” he went into my room after knocking on the door twice. I greeted him with a faint smile. He looked at me with sharp eyes, he was probably very curious.

"We eat in the kitchen first" I said to move from sitting and then go first to the dining room. Mother was still busy with our side dishes, Ananta just silently looked at me, while I was still nosily playing the spoon. He eventually found a rush and helped mom prepare the dishes.

“Wednesday night” says I started the game. I'll start to intimidate him about it.

“why not come? You promised to eat with us kan” I pretended not to know.

“go to the library, unknowingly I go home overnight” he said make up a lie to cover his secret.

“ahh, so our genius is suddenly interested in the library.” I teased him, usually he already understands all the materials without having to specifically go to the library. It's impossible for an Ananta to go there until there's no dinner at my place.

“It's ready, we eat together ya” said the mother who came suddenly in our middle.

“tante, did you call me here when I didn't stop by??”said suddenly.

“ah, apparently not, I haven't heard from him.” Mother said, yes our family is indeed too close so that circumstances like this might happen. The circumstances in which my mother knew more about her father's whereabouts than she did herself.

“oh, dad's not coming home again these few days. If there is any news please tell me aunt” he said seriously, I told you. Ananta's father, it's a little troublesome.

“of course” replied mom briefly, mom always do it without being asked again.

“Oh yes bu...” my word interrupted, about an interesting news.

“Shinta yesterday frenzied gossip something” said me while nibbling on the thighs of the chicken greedily ignoring the curiosity that observes me closely.

“hm?? What gossip??” Mom asked curiously, and Ananta tried not to be curious.

“It... about the language teacher in my class” my special word to tease Ananta.

“It turns out to have a girlfriend, handsome again” said me. What expression was that?, he remained with his plate face as if he had already known. Ananta just threw a grin at me. He mocking me?

“ehm. He said he wanted to move to America with his girlfriend” Mother only ‘Oh’ria, while Ananta is now looking at me with his eyes widened twice. Oh he doesn't know about this? Suddenly the expression turned sad until I felt sorry for her.

How can he resist liking someone who already belongs to someone else, again...how is he still tough and chasing after him so persistently??. Ah, Ananta suddenly looks very pitiful in my eyes.

“You know where?” is from Ask mom like representing Ananta who is now silent. He was still pretending that this had nothing to do with him.

“I, look in her sosmed account Bu Lita. Young people now do often use it to express feelings.” Honestly answered.

Suddenly my feelings became strange. I kind of weakened his will to persevere in pursuing the Master he loved. It was as if I was deciding on hope.

All will be well ‘maybe’ if he remains ignorant until the day the teacher leaves (which has not been decided yet).

“Thanks for the meal aunt.” He said politely after washing the dishes in a lethargic manner. I could only look at him from afar, regretful, as if it was all my fault. He left, then disappeared on the dark path.