Secrets & Prejudice = Keep it secret, you will hurt
six. Caught

We still got home together again today, took two bikes and led him out of the school gate as usual. But Nanta's gaze did not look straight ahead. He turned his head towards the side as if he was nailing his gaze at something.

“I came home first today, see you later tonight” he said hurriedly put one of the two umbrellas he brought to my basket. Lately it's raining all of a sudden so Ananta usually brings two, one for me because we always come home together.

“Eh?” His eyes were still focused on staring at something and waltzing away without warning.

Out of curiosity as to what caused him to behave like that, I ended up following him silently.

He pedaled his bike so fast that it almost overwhelmed me. He's like chasing something but I don't see anyone in front. Only foreigners pass by. Ananta continued down the road until he turned to a place we had once been together. The lake we used to visit in our childhood. We rarely go there again when we grow up.

Ananta stopped at the edge of the lake and parked his bike as I slowed down my bike speed to keep our distance. I was standing some distance away, I followed him quietly so I didn't want to be caught. Moreover, I want to make sure of something once again without Ananta knowing.

Out of nowhere it came from, the rain suddenly fell very heavily.there was no shade near here. Luckily, I still had time to take an umbrella from Ananta to wear while hiding.

The ground I stepped on started to muddle, I froze, my fingers were already wrinkled since. Obviously I was cold because even though it was not wet, the cold wind still blew very hard.

I stopped at a small bridge on the edge of the lake. Nanta's bike had him parked with the origin near the bridge. She also took her umbrella before it rained. He stepped far towards the edge of the lake, approaching someone.

From a distance I saw a woman standing there gracefully. Not women, but women. Even though I know that face from far away. Faces that have become more familiar lately. I just realized his existence is always close to us.

Ananta smiled at him, he looked very happy. He whispered something that made the woman smile back. They talked to each other about nothing. I was still watching in silence, like a fool interrupting a romantic scene in a drama. I was just watching in a corner, a place that was not noticed by the audience at all.

My eyes warmed when I saw Nanta eroding the distance between him and the woman. His smiling face moved closer. My head was thinking about things that might happen soon. It's been. I can't stand to see it.

I immediately turned around before his lips touched the woman. I don't want to see this. The next second I chose to go home, rather than be a spectator of unwanted things. I walked away, let them do whatever they wanted. I don't care anymore. This disturbing audience is retreating.

I kicked Ananta's bike so hard that it fell into the mud. The umbrella of Ananta I threw also to the ground. Let alone. I was disappointed, and I decided, I'll just hate it from now on.

...****************...

That afternoon I came home soaked, parked the original bike next to the house and entered without a word. I must look really messy right now.

Sad base. I know I'd be disappointed why I still hope to the same person.

My mind wandered, still refusing to believe that my feelings were truly one-handed. For some ridiculous reason I never imagined. But it was obviously inevitable, I saw it with my own eyes.

“Alana, Ananta so here??” ask mom as soon as I emerge from behind the door. Seeing me soaking wet like this, and the first question is where is Ananta?? Really this time my annoyance can not be detained as usual. Why is it always Ananta's name that he calls, instead of me being his son. Ananta, the name I don't want to hear the most right now. The one who started a few seconds ago became the human I hated the most.

“Ananta is dead” I said sarcastically. My mother finally looked at me inside.

Have you seen, your son is in a miserable state?. I might have shouted if I hadn't said that in my heart.

“Don't be too hard on Ananta, his life has been difficult” he said with pity. A sentence like a blade that hasn't stopped hurting me since. That's not what I want to hear right now. I hate hearing his name.

Why am I always the one who is set aside? bad thoughts just attack me. I don't know, I suddenly feel so fragile because of something so trivial. I should have thought this was happening. But it still hurts.

Ananta doesn't care about me anymore, are you the same? am I worthless in your life?

“Yes, I keep paying attention to her to the point that I forget that your son is me, not Ananta!!!” I shouted, all emotions are now overflowing, ending with the loud sound of a door slam. The feelings that popped up in my heart I pressed deeply. Quite like, I can't spill it all. I can't blame them if the worthless are me, not them.

That night everything was quiet. I didn't hear a knock on the door until morning. I know, Ananta didn't come either. He was busy dating.

Even in the morning we eat by keeping our mouths shut. My disappointment still hasn't subsided, and my mother seems hesitant to say something. Meeting Ananta suddenly becomes as unpleasant as it used to be. I just kept quiet every time I was next to him. Glancing cynically every once in a while. She won't feel weird, ‘she never cares about me’ thought I. I might just be the weirdo that bothers her in life, even though for me she's almost everything.

...****************...

“Bu Lita” muttered me the next day accidentally heard Shinta who had been out since when was behind me.

“Oh, so now you know??” said mock. The meaning of his words in the day I helped him is evident now. Stupidly I never believed his words, even though he had warned me before. I was too late to believe it, to see it for myself and was disappointed.

“So that ma'am you mean liked him” I told Shinta once again.

“Hmm, how?? Already disappointed” he said, offending me right in the heart.

“Ehm, no. It's just..” I'm confused.

“Not worth it.. Such a relationship” I finally said.

“Alana... duh, you still don't know anything turns out.” He said with pity that was only a metaphor. He coded me to duck, told me a secret again.

“That's not a relationship. But still clapping one hand” whispered to me which only I answered a look of disbelief.

“Eits, my clue is only up here” he said smiling happily then walking cheerfully away from me.

The clue gave me a new question mark. Moreover, who is clapping one hand, Ananta or Bu Lita. But all I know is that I clearly like the other side Ananta, which means...