Secrets & Prejudice = Keep it secret, you will hurt
fifteen. fooled

The next day he called me again. That means we've really made up. As simple as that!

He sent a short message.

"will you come again?" he said, this feels strange. Ananta cares about me. He asked first. Usually he would just come and go as he pleased but this time he felt the need to ask my permission.

"may" I answered, it's still the same as usual.

“What's wrong?” my many. I want to know everything about Ananta. He's been my world for a long time, even though he never realized it.

“Work” the answer is short, it's busy I thought. He's been missing a lot and hasn't seen me all day on holiday. Even though he still came at night to teach me some subject matter. Even so, I know he's changed. Not as cold as before. He has become more appreciative of me.

“hmm, where??” manya curious. I just found out he can work when he's not out of school yet, not that it's not okay.

“secret.” His answers. Even though you care about me, you still can't tell me much? I knew the answer would be like that when I asked him things I didn't already know about him. But I still repeat the same question.

Ananta who is now different from usual, he is now more mature. Me and the grown Ananta just tell each other like this, sometimes we still talk at school. A little changed than usual, when I would just shut up when I saw her. Just as little changed, not even my classmates noticed it.

“said my friend, Ananta and Shinta get into the bar together.” The rumors were heard by me too. In our place, it is a great sin for minors to be in such a place. Dan, what did they say? Ananta with Shinta? I soon realized that lately Shinta also rarely met me. What the fuck. He's been with Ananta all this time? when he pretended to entertain me too? I'm that funny until they play me like this.

I refrained for days from asking. Finding out about it will definitely make our relationship worse again. Ananta just apologized. I can't just destroy everything.

Until the new year's night came my curiosity peaked. Ananta says he can't celebrate with me. He had important business, but he promised to find me after his business was done.

“Alana, I'll take photos of myself at the festival ya” Sarah, my classmate insisted on asking me to bring a camera. We walked through the crowd with 4 friends. I'm glad he invited me to celebrate the new year with him. I can't be with Ananta now anyway. Thanks to him too I can get mom's permission to go out tonight.

I brought my father's digital camera. It's old enough, but the results are still good. The camera was more often a display in my room. But now, he was useful as well.

We'll see fireworks at midnight. Count down together in the middle of the city. I can take some pictures at the festival, it's gotta be fun.

But in the crowd I remembered again the words of my classmate. I've been looking for information from Shinta's sosmed account, and from there I know the address of the bar they were referring to. I, want to prove it myself. If they were really together, they would be there.

“Sarah I want to stop by somewhere first, you go first I will just follow” after taking many pictures I separated from Sarah, this is my chance to find out the truth about Ananta and Shinta. Shinta I consider a close friend. I would be very disappointed if he was really with Ananta right now.

After some time wandering around, I finally saw her, in the middle of that crowd, there was Ananta there. He wore a strange costume while occasionally shaking his body stiffly. From his gestures I know he's not used to being here. He's not a person who likes to party. I wanted to photograph her smiling face. He looks very happy. But suddenly he hugged the woman who stood back to me.

"who?" I took my camera. Photographing what I just saw. With the scene camera in front of me it looks clearer. That person is Shinta. My precious friend.

So right? did he like Ananta all this time?

then.why is he bothering me, pretending to give me encouragement when I'm heartbroken because of Ananta. If he finally gets Ananta for himself. Then what is my position exactly? just the person being played around in the middle of their relationship is that so?

really, I was at a loss for words when I saw it for myself with my eyes.

"Ananta. You're evil." I murmured softly until I only listened to myself. I should how? got mad? because of something like this? I'm still nobody to Ananta. Only the son of his mother's friend is kind and easy to play with. I-so.

That night I made a decision again. This time, I will hate Ananta properly. Not as angry as before. Let it. I knew enough that he was never serious about anything he said. I will no longer believe anything Ananta says.

I turned around to get out of there. Back to my party. Sarah was waiting for me enthusiastically. He knows I'm good at taking pictures. That's why he asked me to capture his moment tonight. I enjoy it, away from Ananta it's not as bad as it used to be. I can be happy by myself now.

Before or now Ananta is still the same. He used to not care about me and show me, now he doesn't care about me but pretends to care. I know enough of that.

I won't be hurt anymore because of him.

...****************...

Like her promise, Ananta came up to me after her 'management' was done. She smiled, very sweet to be honest. But I kept saying in my heart that it was all fake. He was pretending, I don't know what he really wanted. She likes Shinta, not me.

"it's a new year's gift" he said, offering a brown gift box with a lot of postcards on it.

"hmm. thanks. I'm sorry I didn't prepare anything for you." I replied. Lying, because I actually bought a knit sweater that I had neatly packed before, unfortunately it had to end up in the trash. Let it be picked up by someone else. Let it be more useful.

"it's okay. I'm happy to celebrate the new year with you." said Ananta. Lie, you'd rather be with Shinta. I saw that happier smile of yours before. His every word now sounded fake in my ears. So nauseating.