Secrets & Prejudice = Keep it secret, you will hurt
thirteen. Returnees

The next day, beginning with an awkward breakfast, continued so until the next few days. It took me three days to apologize and to care more about me. I know, he must have felt so guilty for slapping me. Even though deep down I feel worthy of it.

I made everything worse. Because of how I feel about Ananta. Hate mixed up for a few things. I hate that her family annoys my family, but deep down I hate Ananta more because he loves other people. Perhaps, there was a remnant of the feeling of unwelcome that I was deep within. Until the moment the other trigger happens it just explodes.

I know, it definitely made Ananta stay away from me. Either because of guilt, or because he's fed up with my behavior. All I know is that Ananta never came again for dinner or to go out together.

In school, he didn't talk to me. It might be my fault too, since I didn't take a glance at him either. I held her feeling as much as I could. He said many times that he would never care about me. Trying to continue to hate him though honestly, it was extremely difficult. We've always been together for a very long time. And being quiet with each other is so torturing to me. I was used to looking for it, used to chasing it, and when I couldn't do it it felt like there was an empty space interrupting my heart.

As per Shinta's guess. The slightly dusty roof was getting maintained because I stopped by often. Just like Shinta said, the place is indeed very comfortable to contemplate on your own or when you are heartbroken. But on top of that, that's where I'm hiding. The space where I could become unconcerned with all the strange feelings since I got away from Ananta.

“Wah, you are really filling up his snack supplies” often Shinta suddenly comes bothering me. Like now, he accompanied me to finish the food I bought myself this time.

“you often come here yes, lately.” He asked, I replied with a slow nod. He must have understood, I often become rarely talk if it is in this place.

“let me guess, you stay away from him, never come home together. Broken heart huh? Sama Ananta” he still had time to tease me in circumstances like this. Look at her smile that looks like it's making fun of me without needing to speak.

“not broken again, fall, disperse jalan” I replied sarcastically. He must know my feelings better now, he just wants to tease me.

“you know, you are too naive.” he said, his look turned serious, but I still did not want to be fooled because he often mocked me with that expression.

“this life should not be disbanded the road just because of one person. Too cemen. There are a lot of people who come into life. Your job is to open your eyes. Yes, although I guarantee you will return to Ananta anyway.” He started his chatter again. Some of the chants are also true. I was always made into a dilemma by him, but often his words comforted me, completely easing the tightness in my chest.

After being friends with Shinta for a long time, I realized. I am indeed not a person whose heart cannot be touched with a gentle sentence of comfort. The sarcastic and harsh words are more in the heart. If it were not inferior to prestige, I would have thanked him many times.

"hmmm.yeah." I answered briefly. I didn't realize that Shinta had gotten out of her seat. He filled plastic cups with soda and gave me one.

"Had to be happy can't be cool" he said asking me to do cheers with his glass. I just followed while smiling bitterly.

...****************...

Without feeling a few months running with almost the same situation. I still hate Ananta, he never came to me first. I met new people, but my relationship with Ananta was still at the same point without any change.

“Alana...” call Diki awkwardly. I look at him panted. We've been meeting a lot lately. Just face to face, sometimes a little greeting and then away again like not familiar. But this time, he came at the right time.

“Diki, accompany me for a walk” I said suddenly. He looked at me not believing what he had just heard. I don't want to give you hope, I just need friends. I hope he understands that. I'm asking her to meet tomorrow on Sunday, I'm going somewhere to remember the pain one more time.

The next day we actually met. But that day she was dressed up a little too much, wearing sunglasses and carrying a bunch of flowers that would probably go into the trash as soon as they were given to me.

“we just walk the walk”my conversation was cold, reassuring that I wanted her not to expect more, and the innocent just smiled thinly.

"i know." she said briefly.

I asked him to take me to the lake, where Ananta and Bu Lita met that afternoon. I'm not repeating the wound, I just want to understand Ananta's way of thinking from his point of view. Although now far apart, but my brain and my heart still lead straight to him.

“Diki” call me.

“iya?”

“What love it always forgives mistakes?” I asked, he was quiet for a moment.

“love what exactly?” I say with sadness.

“love it, a common thread that binds two people. The person you always worry about the first time every time you open your eyes, he said, which sounds romantic, but feels stupid when felt. Love is that sincere, isn't it ? Then I remembered something bitter. Well, even though it's ridiculous I think I understand what it means.

“then what about the one clapping one hand, or the love triangle in the middle of the love story of others.?” my many. He was confused to answer. I know, my questions may make people uncomfortable, but I still want to ask them at least once.

"Whatever the circumstances, love is never wrong. He exists because of sincerity. The one who was hurt by it meant that he simply did not really understand his own heart. That love should make people happy" he replied. I just found out, this guy turned out to be a bit mellow as well.

"huh. I want to eat cake" said I got up from my seat. It feels like the longer I'm here the more miserable I feel.

I took her to my favorite cake shop. The place I used to go with Ananta, even though at that time I had to snack and force it up to a few days ago.

We talked about a lot of things, he looks like a nerd, but his thinking is not that bad. Of all the answers I have one conclusion, he is sincere although not exciting to talk to.

I don't think he's bad either. He's it....

TING!

a special notification I made to Ananta sounded. I opened it in a hurry. Ananta.he left me a voice note. After these 2 months apart, hate each other, until finally the hatred was like no longer left as soon as he contacted me first. That fast, now, when he came looking for me first. My body reflex opened it. Diki looked at me with a little wonder because I was amazed to see my own phone.

“Later tonight I stopped by your house yeah, I'm hungry.” Briefly talk. Not sorry, not missing, not anything about why I'm angry, that's all. A line of words that sound like I want to meet you, and have the meaning of him coming first to see me.