After He's gone
thirty choices.

Alana returns to Ananta's room. It was almost night time, soon he would leave to go home, because again he was not allowed to stay overnight.

Ananta who saw it came to see the former eyes of Alana. She knew Alana had just cried. As soon as Alana approached she pulled Alana's hand to further erode the distance between them. He rubbed under Alana's puffy eyes.

"You crying?" Ask Ananta. He knew the question would most likely not be answered, especially after seeing Alana's response bow her head deeply. Obviously something is troubling his mind right now. After a long look, Alana finally shook her head slowly.

"it's okay" replied Alana, lying of course. He must have endured the grief again. Alana never cries for no reason, often she cries for Ananta.

"If there's any story, yes." Ananta tried to persuade Alana, she knew Alana must have kept a lot of things in her sad eyes.

"Yes, I said yes. I'm here again tomorrow." Answer Alana. Well he wanted to find some calmness for a moment. His mind was busy thinking about the things he could not tell Ananta made his heart overcrowded.

If this were another matter, Alana would have a long discussion with Ananta. But since it was about Ananta, he could only quietly keep everything.

Alana settles down on her dorm bed again. His roommate is asleep. He deliberately walked slowly until he arrived at the dorm late at night. He had just entered just as the gate of his dorm was about to be closed by the guards. His mind was tired, his body was tired, his heart was even more tired.

His eyes stared at the ceiling of the room he had decorated with star ornaments that lit up when the lights were turned off. That faint flame became Alana's focus now.

Silence, his mind began to drift again. Never rest, actually. He kept thinking about Ananta during the walk.

Maybe it's better Ananta doesn't know at all, so Ananta can be saved with the heart of Arkan, right.

If it were possible?. But it feels very evil if he and Ananta are happy at the sacrifice of Arkan. ah, it can not be called happy if you have to sacrifice others.

But if Ananta doesn't get the donor, how long can Ananta last? If her father was so desperate to get Arkan to donate his heart, does that mean that Ananta's situation is worsening?. Can Alana be greedy about living longer with Ananta?.

Argh, if that person wasn't Arkan, if the donor was someone he didn't know at all, would things feel different? it still means one man will die to save Ananta, even if not Arkan. Ah, these difficult things why continue to exist in their fate line anyway. Alana exhaled a rough breath staring again at the ceiling of the room, her head dizzy. He raised an arm to cover his eyes, for just a moment, he wanted to escape from the world to enter in the silent darkness.

...****************...

The next day the school was as crowded as ever. Alana looked at the building for a while before leaving for the hospital again. She should be in that building right now, attending school like any other normal teenage life. But on the contrary, he who is now can not be there without Ananta. Because anywhere other than Ananta's side is hell for him.

Would he feel comfortable and live like them if Ananta could recover? is Ananta really healing?

Alana was getting fed up with the questions crammed into her own head. That noisy voice that he had only heard by himself was extremely exhausting, moreover everything did not end with an uncertain answer. There is only empty wishful thinking and all the impossible assumptions. He walked away with a heavy heart.

Alana gets to the hospital early in the morning but she doesn't go straight to Ananta's room. Alana approaches Bella who is still faithfully waiting with Arkan's parents. He's eating out right now.

"Hi, is it better?" Alana asked as soon as Bella raised her head towards him. Bella stops her mouthful to pat the chair next to her, asking Alana to sit there.

"Still the same. But I tried so hard to find hope for him to wake up again." Bella stared at her heart, her appetite feeling drastically reduced when she talked about Arkan who was still lying down and closed her eyes tightly. But he still has to eat, so he can keep Arkan in the hospital. He also does not want to be a burden to others because of the following pain.

"You?" Alana. Bella's situation may be the same, almost desperate. It's just, Bella has only lived it for a few days, while she has somehow been years to how much.

"just fine. I have to hang on" Bella's sentence hangs there. He was also unsure, but had to force himself to be sure. Who knows, his prayer was granted because he held firm to his belief.

Whether if you survive means Ananta can't get the donor I don't know how to answer.

Alana looked at Bella with an uncomfortable strange feeling. He should give it spirit, not break it.

Well, this is better. I want to keep both. Am I greedy again? The god?

Alana turned her gaze, further staring blankly at the white wall in front of her. What empty hope can I ask for?

Alana didn't realize her hands were clasping tightly, her cheeks were warm, but she couldn't cry here. Not in front of the already fragile Bella. Ah, why is their meeting lately always about crying and crying. Alana fed up.

"Hm... I go first yes. I have to go to Ananta's room." Alana handed over the bread and milk she had brought in a small crackle.

"this, you can eat it later"

She thought Bella had not eaten, so she brought her bread and milk. But even though Alana had eaten it, she still gave it to him. At least the food he brought can be stored to be eaten later because the patient's companion usually can not freely leave his patient. Bella accepted it while smiling thinly looking at Alana who was already walking away.

...****************...

Alana did not go straight to Ananta's room as she said. He went to the nearest bathroom first. Staring at his own face in the glass for some time. Her cheeks were red, but not out of embarrassment or blushing. She wanted to cry, but it felt like she had done it too often.

Alana wiped her tears that were about to fall. Make sure there are no tears on his face. He should look fine for Ananta.

After taking a deep breath once more, Alana stepped away towards Ananta, towards the all-white space she had always hated.

Alana reached the door of the room as her father stepped in hastily ahead of her. His father didn't even see him at all. But Alana immediately panicked when she saw Ananta who again crept rough clothes of his patients who had tangled. The pain will come back again.

Doctors and nurses deftly installed various tools in Ananta's body. Her father looked busy, and Ananta still looked in pain. Alana stared at the scene with a blank look, her tears finally flowing also looking at the boisterous scene in front of her.

How can we survive not crying if a loved one with his whole life is tormented because he wants to survive?

Alana's father was still busy for quite some time, Alana could only wait anxiously waiting for her father's usual relieved expression. This time the procedure is a little longer than usual. His father had just turned his head towards Alana after several tens of minutes had passed with tension.

Ananta looks better now. Sometimes it still hurts but not as bad as before.

Alana finds her father staring straight at her. The desperate raut that seemed to say, look, we really need that donor right now. A word no one can say right now.

Alana knows what her father means... But that evil thing he could not do at all while staring at Bella and the spirit that did not fade at all. He could not just break the expectations of others.

Alana turned her head towards Ananta, slightly avoiding the father's intimidating gaze.

After all, Ananta would definitely not want to take his own friend's heart. I can't see him sad later.

Alana looked at her father again before shaking her head softly, retorted by the father's rough breathing. Well, it's probably gonna get better or worse. Alana doesn't know what else to do but leave it all to fate.

...****************...

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