Missing In The Heart
Chapters 84.Won't let you...

For a few moments two pairs of eyes with a look of selfishness each sat face to face.

Rachel stared intently at the man who was still hard on her stance, hoping that the man before her would admit all his mistakes right now. Many times he had given the opportunity so that the man could be honest with him, but every time he tried to provoke his honesty, the man always made a new lie. Every time he asked about his past, he made up a fake story that made him look like a fool who just believed him. If only the man had been honest the first time his suspicions had arisen, then his heart would not have been this sick. His heart won't be disappointed like this.

Should I remind him, and you admit it?

Is that so cowardly of you?

Rachel blinked her eyes, making the clear twinkle in the corner of her eye drop.

"I ask you again, are you honest or not?" Ask. Hoping for the last time, the man who was also looking at her at this moment could be honest without having her remind him. But his hopes seemed to be in vain as the man was still unmoved in his place without the slightest guilt.

While Mahavir, who was silent and seemed to be flinching in his position, continued to try to dive into the eyes of the woman before him. Find out the desire of his heart. Find answers to questions that the woman wants. But all it looks like is anger, hate, disappointment and pain that is certainly mixed into one of those gazes.

Does he know everything?

Does he know who I really am?

Nope, no...

Not now, not yet....

Mahavir gulped his saliva with difficulty, hoping that what he was thinking was wrong, but what he caught from both of his wife's eyes made him feel even more certain that his estimate did not miss at all. He closed his eyes for a moment, gulped his saliva once more and exhaled slowly, then finally ventured to speak, finally venturing out,

"Have you...."

PLAQUE.....' One slap landed onto Mahavir's cheek before the man even finished his sentence.

"Yes, I already know everything, asshole!"

Mahavir shook his head then rubbed his face violently. "Darling, I can explain everything." He tries to hug Rachel, but Rachel retreats and moves away from him.

"Are you satisfied with deceiving and playing tricks on me......, Dirman???"

Mahavir's eyes immediately rounded, he again shook his head with half the life that seemed to fly somewhere. Both of his knees became limp so that they could not support his body. He dropped his body down, resting on his knees on the surface of the marble floor as cold as the gaze of the woman staring at him right now. His head lowered, as soon as he felt his escaped tears fall from the corner of his eye

"No.., that's not true...." Her eyes were still down with her eyes pointing to the floor where her tears fell one by one soaking the floor. "I never intended to play you, everything I did and said was sincere.I love you with all my heart...."

"BULLSHIT!!"

Chief Mahavir reflexively looked up and looked at his wife, "I'm not bullshit, all I do is love you..."

"Dear you said?" He asked, his body began to tremble, anger and pain were so shaking. "What love is built on lies can I believe?"

"What do I have to say to you to believe?"

"Unfortunately I won't believe anything anymore." Said Rachel in a choked voice again weakly.

Mahavir closed his eyes, his tears just falling freely. Both were silent for quite a while. Then Mahavir's lips opened again,

"The first time I saw you was at the Orphanage where I lived on a sunny afternoon... I was so fascinated with you, a young girl who was so beautiful and so shining in front of me. For the first time I saw angels, angels and miracles. My eyes have been focused on you ever since, and from then on I have been trying to get close to you. At first I just wanted to get to know you... Just want to be friends with you... But for a long time without any reason, you are always present in my mind. Without me noticing your shadow plunge into my heart. My heart was greedy... I want to get close to you... I want to be with you... And finally want to have you..."

Mahavir paused his words for a moment by sighing and then swallowing his saliva many times until his jakun was seen coming up and down.

"But I never had the courage to approach you. I can only see you in the distance, as I have often told you. You're too shining in my eyes. I didn't lie with my words. Until the incident that happened at the hotel a few months ago it seemed like an opportunity for me to approach you. I didn't even think I could marry you. Being so close to you, touching you to unite myself with you. I am so grateful to be with you, baby..."

Rachel closed her eyes, remembering the moment the man touched her and said words of love that even she wasn't sure was sincere or not. "Now you must be satisfied because you can touch my body freely?"

"RACHEL..!!!" His shouting. Mahavir shook his head, staring disappointedly at his wife for being considered that low.

"What?" Staring at Mahavir so sharply, "That's right, Dirman?" Further.

"I'm a normal guy, I can't deny that I'm willing to make out and make love to you. But you can see all this time I never forced you. I'm even patient until you accept me."

"That's because you set me up. You tricked me!"

Mahavir shook his head again then moved forward hugging the two thighs of Rachel who was standing before him.

"Sorry, I'm sorry...." Her words were clear and her embrace tightened at Rachel's feet. "But if I were honest then, would you like to be touched by me? And had I been honest with you in the first place, would you have been willing to marry me?" He looked up and looked at Rachel's face which was still staring at him coldly. "Of course not? So I hid my identity, hoping that you would open your heart to a new me and love myself completely. I know that I have deceived you so deeply and so far that you may not be forgiven, but I have fallen to the bottom of a dark valley and only you have become light in that darkness. I didn't mean to deceive you to this extent, it's just the circumstances that made me do something like this."

"What kind of situation? It's just your wits, you can be honest when I ask, right?"

"For you it is easy to talk like that, but for me it is very difficult. Especially after seeing with my own eyes as you try to end your life at sea. Even on the night after our wedding reception I was going to be honest with you, but you were immediately shocked to remember me, Dirman recalled. Likewise, during the incident at Villa where you were immediately unconscious once the past events were tipped back. Whenever I tried to be honest, the feeling of fear would always come. Afraid that you will come back in shock, afraid that you will be fragile. Afraid you won't be able to accept everything. Then what can I do?"

Rachel was still standing with Mahavir who was also still tightly hugging his legs.sobs were getting broken, his hands were smothering his mouth even could not stem his crying.

"You're selfish... You only think about your feelings. You never think about how I feel that you lied to me like this. Even all this time there was no remorse visible on your face" he said increasingly sobbing.

"Well, you're right. I was selfish. Especially after going through long nights with you, together sipping the sweetness of our love, I became more and more selfish. Selfish for wanting you completely. It would be a lie if I said I regret marrying you, because I am so happy with you. If I go back to the beginning I will do the same. Wh why? because you are my life. But just so you know, every time I touch you, guilt always comes. Every day I was always anxious and asked in my heart, is this woman I hold hands with and that I hold in my arms really all mine? Is it true that his heart has been successfully held and I reached? These questions always come to my mind at all times. It makes me even more afraid of you getting away from me. I'm also tormented every day for not being able to be honest with you."

Rachel shook her head, as if she could not accept Mahavir's explanation. "People feel guilty you say? But you keep touching me. You're enjoying. Is that what you say is guilty?"

"You're my wife now, I deserve to touch you regardless of my guilt. You can't bring that up."

"Basic jerk man!" Aspersion. "Take me off... Take-off..." His words asked Mahavir to release his embrace at his feet. But Mahavir just shook his head.

"GET RID OF ME!!" His shout, made Mahavir inevitably release his embrace on his leg. Rachel then stepped back, retreating until her feet hit the bed and she fell on the edge of the bed.

Mahavir again moved forward and pulled both of Rachel's hands and held them so tightly even though Rachel also insisted on pulling her hand because she was reluctant to be touched by him.

"Sorry.. Ii'm sorry.... Please forgive me, dear..." His words followed his cries as he kissed Rachel's hands repeatedly. "Let's forget everything and start over...."

"Huh? Is it so easy for you to forget everything?"

"Then what do you want?"

"You can still ask what I want? Vir, are you sane or not?"

Mahavir was silent, his tears were falling. He was so shocked by the current situation. Wanting to get angry and vent his emotions, but he realized that all these problems stemmed from him. He knows that this is his fault, but does his feeling also take the blame? Is his love worth nothing? The inner war continues to rage within Mahavir.

Rachel forcibly pulled both her hands from Mahavir's grasp, making Mahavir refocus on looking at her.

"I want your honesty right now, if only," Paused his words by closing his eyes for a moment, gulping his saliva once and then continuing his words again. "If I hadn't known it by myself, would you have hidden it forever from me? Are you never going to be honest with me?" He asked, trying as gently as possible while continuing to stare into the hazel-colored clear eye bead in front of him.

The powerless Mahavir replied that he could only bow with his cry.

"Vir....." Call her. "Are you going to cover it up forever?" Deuteronomy.

Mahavir finally nodded slowly, then said softly. "Sorry....."

Rachel closed her eyes. He took a deep breath and then stood up. "Then my answer is the same as your final answer."

Mahavir raised his head, "You mean?"

"I'm sorry, I can't accept this fact. I can't be with someone who's been trying to cheat and frame me for the rest of his life. Especially with the shadow of Dirman in you."

Mahavir continued to shake with his cry. So unacceptable with that decision. "Is that my fault in the past? As disgusting is that me to you?"

"Jeez Vir...., do you know how I feel when you think Dirman is gone from helping me? how much guilt do I feel about him? to the point that I was determined to end my life. You know how messed up my life is because of a Dirman? While I did not know the man was married to me, laughing by my side, hugging and kissing me. YOU THINK I'M YOUR TOY?" He shouted with the remnants of his voice that was already very hoarse.

"Ah, yes...I almost forgot to thank you. It was Dirman who saved me that day. A sincere thank you from my heart for saving me so many times. And now I assume we're even. I have not been able to accept that you have deceived me so far, so it seems like I can no longer live with you as before." He continued with a cynical smile on his teary face.

Half of Mahavir's soul seemed to have heard the decision, his blood seemed to stop flowing in his healer. "Don't, don't say that. I will follow all your wishes except to be separated from me. I don't want to be separated from you. Believe me, I love you so much, even so much that it drives me crazy and can't live without thinking about you one bit."

"You're sick Vir, sick...!! This is not love, it is obsession. You're obsessed with me."

"It's up to you to say I'm like me. I won't deny it, because I'll never let you go.

"You're crazy Vir!"

"Well, I'm crazy about you." Rise up and forcefully kiss Rachel with a very demanding kiss.

"Mmpphp.... Mm.mpp.le..le..pass..." Rachel rebelled, trying to let go of Mahavir's kiss. But as strong as he is against his strength is not comparable to Mahavir's strength. His body fell on the bed with Mahavir, who kept on kissing him with a wild kiss that was so demanding, so different from previous kisses. Rachel was overwhelmed by rebellion against him, until finally resigned and could only sob to receive Mahavir's treatment.

Mahavir who was carried away by his emotions and feelings continued to vent it by kissing Rachel, exploring the whole contents of his wife's mouth so greedily. His one hand was used to hold Rachel's two hands, while his one continued to explore and squeeze the sensitive parts of his wife's body. Until then the sobbing of Rachel resuscitated him.

"SHIT!!" Mahavir lifted his body and sat on the edge of the bed. Both of his hands were raised holding his head, regretting his momentary emotions. He turned to look at his wife who was still in the same position in a state of crying. He quickly grabbed Rachel into his arms and continued to rub his head up to the woman's back. "I'm sorry, honey... Ii'm sorry... I don't mean to be rude to you." She kissed Rachel's head many times.

Rachel didn't respond, she just cried.

"Dear calm down, please. I'm sick to see you like this. But I can't let you go either. Remember, you promised me you'd always be by my side, never to turn away from me and never leave me no matter what.

Rachel pushed slowly on Mahavir's body, releasing the man's embrace with the remnants of his strength. "Alright, because I promised you. I'm not leaving you. But don't expect any more love from me. I'll be by your side as your puppet. Let's just say it's my reward because you saved me that time." Say it bitterly.

Mahavir returned to shed his tears, his heart was so cut to hear the words of the woman he loved so much. It hurts, it hurts him a lot. But Mahavir had no other choice. With a heavy heart Mahavir nodded slowly. "What's wrong, as long as you stay by my side that's enough. I'll try again from the beginning to make that love come back."

* * *