Heart Words.
Chapter 41's

"Can I kiss you?"

The question invited the dangdut orchestra to hold a concert in Kana's chest.

Dung tak, dung dung tak, dung dung dung tak... Maaang tariiikk!

Kana's eyes were round, her heart was pausing. Arif's sudden request makes Kana cold. Still warm in mind when the first time his first kiss was stolen forcibly by Arif at that time. At that time the situation and the conditions were completely different. At that time, Arif Boro-boro asked for permission, which was even accused of Kana macem-macem, and his nyosor also made Kana afraid.

This time, he also felt fear, but fear was another. Now he is afraid, but he wants to. Want to but also be afraid. What if his body overreacted like that? How if the first kiss after this legitimate even makes the trauma reappear and make the atmosphere even so uncomfortable.

"Can?" ask Arif again.

Because Kana never gave an answer but also did not show rejection. But Arif quite understands Kana's body language. He understands. She had once made Kana feel afraid because of her own stupidity, it was natural that now even though she had forgiven, even though it was legitimate, Kana still needed a little extra time.

He also remembers chasing Kana into the elevator, how Kana's body was shaking after she stole the girl's first kiss.

"Yes, it's okay." Arif smiling. He rubbed Kana's strung hair, instead, Arif took Kana's hands and dyed them.

"I'm sorry if I ever scared you. I promise, I won't treat you like that anymore."

"You doctor, you're disavowal? Or if for example I am still not ready, but the doctor can no longer wait trus..."

"You can hit me with the teflon you used to wear for egg blocks."

"Oh, Dong!"

Arif smiling. "I will not deny. That man who is kept is his promise."

"But many men also break their promises."

"I don't think I'm like most men."

Cana thinned lips.

"Yes, take a break, you must also be tired, tomorrow I help you pack ya."

Kana nodded.

Arif was about to move down from the edge of Kana's mattress, when suddenly Kana held Arif's hand.

Arif.

"I really am. I'm allowed if the doctor kisses me, just..."

"just anyone?"

"I'm just scared."

"Fearful? You're still afraid of me because of what happened back then?"

Kana shakes. He avoided Arif's stare of eyes full of probing.

"I'm not afraid of doctors, but..." Kana hung up her sentence. He bit the inside of his lips.

"From now on, you can tell me everything that you've been saving alone. I am your husband. The place for you to go home, lean and complain from today." said Arif as if to know and can hear clearly the contents of Kana's head.

Suddenly Kana hugged her own body, she avoided Arif's gaze, rubbing his nape restlessly.

"Where," Arif led Cana's chin with his fingers, until their eyes clashed against each other. The man stared fixedly at Kana with his warm highlight also softly. "Have something happened to you in the past?"

The question invites a clear liquid that gives a glassy effect on both eyes Kana.

Kana turns her face away and then she chooses to break herself down. And turned back Arif.

Arif sighed.

"If it's the thing that hurt you, I'm sorry that I reopened the wound. However, untreated wounds can become an infection. I'm not going to force you to tell me about the wound, but you need to know that if you can't treat your own, you can ask the doctor for help."

Arif rubbed Kana's hair back.

He was about to descend from the edge of the mattress when Kana's voice stopped his movement.

"I was almost immediately*sa." That one sentence, the sentence that Kana had been pendam himself. Kana tackled her own fear with all her bad memories. And Kana overcomes all her nightmares herself.

One sentence was like a pot of boiling hot water watering Arif. The calm expression that had been drawn on his face changed instantly like a person who had lost a soul.

"Who? Who did it?" arif asked in a low tone of voice, resisting all forms of emotions and anger that were burning his chest. Awakened already what was the cause at that time Kana was so scared to tremble in the elevator. There was a past that made her woman so sick.

"What Danu..."

"No. I don't know who they are."

"They?"

"Fuck!" Bump Arif with a stifled voice. He clenched both hands, smacking his own thighs so emotional his soul and body.

Kana then briefly recounted the incident that happened to her in the past. Despite not seeing Arif, her husband knew very well how Kana held back all her fear and tears. Kana's voice trembled, as did her body even though Kana covered it with a blanket.

"Mas Danu also once asked us to do that before marriage, but I refused" Kana continued after finishing with the story of two foreign youths who had abused her.

That one, Arif knows, Rudi once told him.

"Fuck!" Deuteronomy curses.

"Sorry..."

"Why are you sorry, Kana? You're not wrong anything. Precisely me... I feel like an asshole too for once harassing you too, opening up your old wounds, I'm a bastard!"

"No!" Kana sat back down, looking back at her husband who was holding back her emotions. "Doctors are not like them. The doctor misunderstood the time, the doctor laughed emotionally. But they did consciously want to harass me."

"What I do is not allowed."

"But the doctor admitted it, the doctor was responsible and now... My husband's doctor. I'm not telling you to make the Doctor feel like the Doctor is like those people. Doctor different. That's why I'm sorry, because of my past, I'm afraid to... That's. It took me a while to really express my fear. The problem is, I don't know when I can. Sorry if I didn't live up to the doctor's expectations, I-"

"Kana," Sela Arif quickly. "It's not your fault. Wrestle out? What makes you like this is not your fault." Arif rubbed his face. Taking a deep breath to dampen his emotions.

"How about the Doctor?"

"Where am I?"

"What if I'm not ready, what if I can't get rid of this fear?" Now Kana sounded worried imagining if she could not meet her husband's biological needs because of the fear she felt.

"We're going to make an appointment with a psychologist. You no longer need to keep it alone, psychologists will help heal you of that fear."

"Oh yeah?" Kana looks amazed. "How'd it go?"

"The psychologist knows later."

"The price of treatment is definitely expensive."

Arif embroiders a smile. "No need to worry about the price, the important thing is that you get well."

Kana nodded. "So I can serve the Doctor."

Arif shakes. "It's not about serving and being served, Kana. But this is for you. Not for my sake. Living in the shadow of such fear must not have been easy for you all along."

Kana just grimaced. He no longer remembered how many times he had to be awake because of nightmares. How many nights did he go without sleep, and chose to take his mind off by working. I don't know how many times he broke out in cold sweat in the middle of the crowd.

"Doctors won't stay with me?"

Arif shakes his head. "I would've been bitten by a zombie and turned into a zombie if I'd stayed with you."

"Doctors don't marry me?"

"Niesel? I'm my brain must have eror if I'm married to a great woman like you, Kana."

"But the prettier and the great are many."

"Indeed, but you're the only one who made me the clamps, how's dong?"

Kana chuckled while wiping her tears. Arif also smiled looking back at the sweet smile on his wife's face.

"You happy?" Arif asked.

Kana nodded. "My brain must have eror if I wasn't happy." Kana quotes Arif. "Try a doctor shadowin, my kayak village woman, whose daily work in the rice fields, not from a family, had debt anyway, had trauma, even married a well-established city doctor, good, sincere and dapet bonus handsome like this, yes I am not happy."

Arif smiled wide, as wide as a golf course. He gently pulled Kana into his arms. "Did I tell you I love you?"

"Udah." replied Kana timidly and deg seeer.

"You know, every day I'll say it continues."

"You doctor forgot?"

Arif loosened his embrace to look at Kana's face and replied, "No going "

.

.

.

Connect yes ~