Marry The Heir
"I'm sorry."

Like a new bullet fired from a gun, I drove the car at high speed. Overtaking one by one the vehicles in front of me with complete confidence. Not too sure as well actually, all I know is I have to get there soon. Then I followed every curve of the road I was taking. The goal is only one, until Jakarta at the right time.

It's not easy to divide the concentration when I have to set the steering control by paying attention to the GPS.

Disa point still hasn't moved, it's in Reza's gallery. My feelings were getting more and more uncertain imagining what Disa was doing this late. I clutched the stir firmly as the shadows of Disa and Reza entered my mind. It felt like I wanted to bang my own head when the shadow of Disa's blushing face got the gaze from Reza so clearly filled my mind.

“Shit!” just this time I felt a fear that I didn't realize why.

Roll up the streets, split the capital city crowds all I do. I can still be grateful when my efforts are not in vain because it seems like I can still find out what Disa did in the Reza gallery.

I slowed down the speed of the car and noticed Disa who appeared to be in the painting room, silently. His calm face looked solemn as he scratched the brush on the canvas that was before him. What am I going to do after seeing that Disa is here?

Okay, just tell me I'm curious.

My vision was not clear enough so I decided to stop the car and get down. I jump over the not-so-high garden fence and sneak around looking for a safe hiding spot.

Like a thief, no, I feel more than that. And I still haven't found a reason to do it.

It can move from its place and close the window that is still open. It was already 10pm, it was natural that Disa shuddered in the cold. For a moment he sighed deeply in front of the window while closing his eyes. It was beautiful when she smiled, enjoying the glorious night mixed with the fragrant flowers.

Immediately I hid when I saw Disa who was paying attention to the surrounding environment.

Huft, thank goodness Disa didn't see me. I could sigh in relief, when Disa finally closed the window and put on the jacket she put on the back of the chair. Maybe he'll come home.

Disa sat back in her place to finish the picture she painted. What kind of picture does he make, why paint with a face that beautiful?

Wait, what's Reza doing? Why did Reza approach her with an indistinct smile? He seemed to say a few words but I couldn't hear him. My distance is too far.

Huh, what's he doing?

My heart stopped beating when Reza suddenly bent her knees in front of Disa and gave her a bouquet of flowers. Reza looked at Disa with a page and her lips muttered. What'd he say? Damnit damnit! I can't hear it.

I tried to get closer, still not heard. Argh I'm upset!

I noticed the expression on Disa's face that looked surprised. He receives a flower bucket from Reza, smells it and smiles. His lips muttered back and I did not hear what he said. God, it's so hard to steal a listen.

My brain was trying to predict what kind of dialogue they were having. Reza rubbed Hisa's head, then Disa nodded.

Wait, is Reza expressing her feelings? Did he really do his plan to declare his love to Disa? What if my guess is right?

I immediately turned around and held on to the tree trunk beside me. Why does my chest hurt so suddenly? I squeeze my shirt to strengthen the muscles that surround my heart but I don't think I can. My chest hurt too much until my legs went limp and finally fell down.

Did Reza really express her feelings? What was Disa's answer?

Aarrh!!! I squeezed my hair in frustration.  Why would anyone see Disa with Reza?

God, what's wrong with me?

I must admit, of the many women in this world, Disa who can make my heart tremble and feel the thumping. I was asked to do a heart check when I said, my heart often pounded erratically.

I obey. I did a medical check-up for the first time. All were diagnosed normal. So why is my heart still always pounding especially when thinking or being near Disa? My breath was short, especially when I looked into his eyes. I was like drowning.

Disa is a woman I respect. When I saw the way Disa looked at Reza, I knew Disa had feelings for Reza. He always smiled, his tone was cheerful and often shy cat, making me anxious.

Then, I also respect the choice of Disa. Lately I've let Reza come closer if that makes him happy. But I realized that my heart was getting stiffer when I saw them together. There are things I can't control when I see Reza and Disa grow close.

Could it be jealousy? Then, is it because I like Disa?

I rubbed my face rough when I could interpret my own feelings. This thumping feeling, this comfort and the pain that I am currently feeling, should I admit this because I am in love?

In the depths of my heart, I admit I am interested in Disa. I feel comfortable around him. Seeing her eyes twinkle, it always made me feel like I had a new spirit. When she smiled, I felt relief.

It feels right that I'm in love. I reiterate, I'm in love.

Why am I late?

I was like a cactus tree with too many thorns until I didn't know I could flower. Confession of loving someone is not easy for me. Even if I feel it, it's too hard for me to admit it. Not because of prestige but because there was a fear that I could not fight. Fear if one day our relationship does not go well and everything has to end.

Maybe he'll be okay. Forgetting me quickly and looking for another man better than me.

While me?

When I have to meet with the word separation, maybe I will be destroyed. I can't survive alone without her beside me. It's like my support can make me stronger. As Reza said, I'm just a weak man who can't even stand on my own feet. Especially to protect Disa.

Like now, I am very weak. I was so sick I couldn't catch my own breath.

And slowly my tears came. Apart from the pain of the shadow if one day we parted, the pain of seeing Disa with others was not something I could easily deal with.

Like half my soul is gone.

Like all my dreams are ruined.

Like all my hopes are gone.

Like my world has ended.

And like I was left behind in a dark alley once illuminated by Disa.

Disa, do you know that I am in pain alone?

I can't even get out of this place. My legs are too limp, like all my energy is running out.

Maybe this is what it feels like to have a broken heart.

******

This late Kean was still standing on the edge of the balcony with a mind that floated somewhere. There was only a glass of drink that accompanied him daydreaming in an uncertain direction. The shadow of Disa and Reza continues to compete with the memory of the memories they had passed both. Either a sip of mehow that goes into his stomach to expel his feelings that are not careless.

In America, he often saw Adam doing this. Sitting in a corner with a glass of alcohol in his hand. This is how Adam treated his frustration. He said after this his mind would feel better.

But this doesn't seem to apply to Kean. His head was even dizzy spinning and his stomach felt nauseous. He couldn't even afford to spend half a glass.

In the distance he saw the light of the lamp that pierced the fence of his house. It only briefly lit up then returned away, dimmed and disappeared. It was not long before Disa walked into the courtyard. His steps looked slow and occasionally still looked back.

Is it that happy to be reluctant to part with Reza?

Kean grumbled in his heart.

He turned around and looked at the drink in his hand until it ran out. Hopefully this alcoholic liquid can dry the wound up in there.

“Goodnight sir.” Sapa Disa suddenly.

Not only Kean was surprised but also Disa. He looked at Kean who looked messy. Just wearing a thin t-shirt with knee-length pants. Her hair was far from neat. And what makes Disa riled is the look of her eyes that seemed to avoid meeting with Disa.

Not chiming in, Kean even passed with staggering steps.

“Bruk!” He hit one of the sofas.

Disa was only dumbstruck with a confused mind when she saw her young master. This afternoon his young master decided to go to the party. He even ordered traditional Indian clothes in honor of his guests. But what happened, it seemed like the party wasn't over yet but his young master was already at home. Did something happen that made Kean come home early? And look at his messy appearance. Like there's a big problem facing him?

Cannot guess.

The further Kean's footsteps, then he disappeared behind the door of his room that was not tightly closed. Maybe it's not time for Disa to ask. He decided to go into his room and stop thinking about things he shouldn't think about.

In his room, Disa immediately changed clothes. Wash your face and brush your teeth. He should rest because he should wake up tomorrow morning.

Just about to lay his body, Disa was again surprised when suddenly, “PRANK!”

The sound of broken glass echoed from the direction of Kean's room. Disa immediately ran over.

“Master, did something happen? Can I come in?” just standing in front of the door, yet dared to enter before Kean allowed it.

“Huwek! Huwek!” this time even the sound of vomiting people heard Disa.

Jesus, what happened to his young master. “Sorry sir if I'm sassy.”

Disa pushed the door to Kean's room to open wide. Business is tempered, it's business later. Clearly, he had to make sure that his young master was fine.

His eyes were rounded and his mouth gaping as he looked at the broken glass scattered near Kean. From the back of his hand was dripping fresh blood while Kean was still bending over in front of the toilet trying to expel all the contents of the stomach.

“Gosh! Don't move sir!” exclaiming Disa while running.

“Huwek! Huwek!” Kean was still trying to spit out his stomach. Sometimes he grinned when his mouth was already bitter by the sour yellow liquid of his stomach.

Disa picked up a t-shirt from inside Kean's closet. Collecting broken glass so as not to be stepped on by his young master. After that he took a small towel and approached Kean.

“What is still nausea sir?” disa asked while massaging Kean's neck and Kean immediately brushed it off.

His touch made him goosebumps even more and he began to hate him because the feeling would torment him all night.

“Sorry sir.” Self-conscious he is too presumptuous, he must maintain an attitude. He took a bigger towel and then he passed it to Kean's body.

The acid reflux in his stomach and Kean's feeling began to be relieved. He sat his body on a toilet seat while adjusting his breathing to be calmer. Slightly glanced at Disa who was busy taking hot water from inside the faucet.

Why does this girl still care about him when this thing will torture him even more. As Disa approached him, Kean immediately turned his face away.

“Enough Kean, enough!” the sound of his brain warned him.

“I clean the wound sir, so as not to infection.”

“Can you move to the sofa? If here I'm worried sir catch wind.” Cerocos Disa with her worried face.

Kean doesn't chim. It moved on its own though still staggering. Alcohol is not suitable for him.

Intention to avoid problems but instead create new problems that make Disa closer. For a moment, for now, he was eager to keep his distance. He was not ready, seeing the face of Disa who blushed because of others. Trying to let go was not as intended. In the implementation is difficult, it still makes his heart break.

On the couch they sat facing. Disa grabbed Kean's hands full of blood. It seemed like Kean's hand hit the mirror in his bathroom leaving a considerable wound on the back of his hand.

Wipe it carefully, cleaning the wound with gauze. Kean did not react.

His logic tells him to avoid Disa but his body and feelings are opposite. He enjoyed every moment near Disa. He wanted to see Lisa up close. Is this girl really happy? Doesn't he have to make sure himself so that he is really sure to take off Disa?

“It's done sir.” His voice sounded slow.

He finished cleaning Kean's wounds and covered them with gauze and plaster. He could sigh in relief because after being cleaned, it turns out Kean's wounds are not as terrible as those seen in Disa at the beginning. After this he had to give his young master pain medication in order to sleep without feeling any pain in his hands. Without Disa knowing, it would not be useful because Kean had drunk alcoholic beverages.

Kean remained silent as he looked at her. Both of his eyes looked at Disa but his mind was not here. He wandered too far and did not walk in his direction.

Looking at Kean who was only glued, Disa decided to leave. Now he could have calmed down leaving Kean who seemed to need some space.

Get out of place, leave Kean's room. But suddenly a burly hand pulled his arm until he turned around and went into Kean's arms.

Still surprised, so surprised that he did not have time to refuse Kean's embrace. Kean's tall body wrapped around his tiny body. Kean tightened his embrace until Disa could hear Kean's tight heart beat and rough breathing.

What happened to the young master? Cannot think.

“Are you happy?” lirih Kean with a stifled voice. He wanted to hear the confession of Disa.

“Blessed? For what things?” Cana asked herself.

“You should be happy with your choice in.” Kean's voice was getting weaker but could still be heard clearly.

Kean's slow breathing, giving a different sensation to Disa. What does his young master want to say? If asked happy, of course he is happy.

Only nodding, regardless of what has happened recently, he admits that he is happy. The decision he made felt right.

Feeling the nod of Disa, one corner of Kean's heart slipped. But more than that, he felt calm because for him, seeing Disa happy was more important.

“What is the master also happy?” tanya Disa hangs.

Kean breathed deeply. For a moment he closed his eyes and inhaled the fragrance of Disa that he might miss. Just this once he betrayed his best friend by hugging the woman he adored.

Just once, so that he could release Disa calmly.

“Do you need to know my feelings?” whispered Kean. Still reluctant to let go of his embrace. Back Isa nodded.

Be happy? Can he be happy? Kean is not sure.

“Sometimes, we stand at the point where we cannot choose.” His body pulled away from Kean. Slowly Kean let go of his embrace like he was giving room to Disa and himself.

“There are circumstances that we cannot avoid and require that we deal with them though it sucks.” Disa smiled faintly at the end of her sentence, as if laughing at her own feelings.

“But happy is a choice. We created it ourselves.” His gaze changed the page on Kean, really this disturbed the feelings of Kean who had been in his custody.

“Master has the same opportunity, can choose happy or slumped over the problems you face.”

Kean smiled faintly. Didn't Disa know that the hardest problem she was currently facing was her feelings?

Couldn't he understand a little that the stupidity he was doing because of his unwillingness allowed Disa to drift further away?

And didn't he know that Kean regretted letting Disa go just because his fear was too great?

“Hem. Thanks for reminding.” Maybe he just needs to thank me. Disa is not a psychic who can guess his feelings and understand feelings that he has never expressed. One thing is certain, though,

"I'm sorry."

*****