25 Years of Father
Happy and Sad News
The most painful day came. Not being able to give thanks, but more to feeling very sad. This morning I shed tears after six months of Dad's departure, in front of my eyes the line two is clearly visible. My hands trembled holding the testpack I had just put on.
“Angga!” I screamed hysterically. In the bathroom, I had no intention of standing. The bathroom door was opened from the outside, which I did not lock.
Angga was really shocked to see me crying holding her. Before, I had deliberately checked secretly from him. Because how many times have I tested every month but always the results are nil.
“Anggia, what's up? Honey, why are you crying like this? What hurts?” Angga hugged me while inspecting some parts of my body.
I just kept quiet without answering. Sadness and happiness come at the same time. I want to be angry, why when Dad was gone then I was given the trust God was pregnant.
My lips were staring at my husband. “I'm pregnant. I'm positive, Angga. I can't see you pregnant. I can't see my son. Dad's gone far.” My tears broke this morning blind.
I know I shouldn't be sad like this when what I want is God's love. But, in my heart it still feels so crowded to get happiness without Dad being able to feel it.
“Pregnant?” Angga smiled hugging me. He grabbed the tool I had been holding since. I saw him holding me back tighter and tighter. A few times my head was kissed by him and even thanked him.
“Father is already happy there, Anggia. I knew without us telling. Pray Dad can see his granddaughter even from up there. Dad's happy everything he wants is now realized.” I nodded at Angga's words. My tears are not falling.
I swear by whatever it feels like I'd love to keep screaming in anger. Can't believe if Dad's departure is precisely us the arrival of a child that we didn't think would be present at this time.
“Healthy well, Honey. Don't mind much. We don't let Dad down. I believe we're gonna make all of Dad's dreams come true. Our son will be a good grandson someday.” There are no words I can say from Angga's words.
My mind just misses Dad so much. The happiest person to hear this news is Dad. But now Dad is no longer there.
Since then I've been really taking care of my body. I'm afraid I'm so afraid that until my future son goes back. I try to rest my body sufficiently. All the work is nothing I think about. Just do whatever I like without making my body tired.
Mom even set the time to visit me often. Our intention to frequent the capital in other cities is now hindered. My weak content made everyone dare not ask me to travel all the way other than coming to the doctor to check.
“I miss Dad so much. Now I'm gonna be a parent, Dad. I don't have a father anymore. Only Mom is left and Mom is too. God extends their age and gives them health. My mother was a good woman and loved me very much. Forgive all the behavior of Father who left Mother and Brother first. Let Daddy calm down there, Lord.”.