25 Years of Father
Bereft
Three days after the return of mamah and Ica, here I am and Angga. A very well-known private hospital in the city where we live. I re-applied for the next checkup according to the doctor's advice. During the journey I continued to pray for the power to be given a chance to keep my womb again. My tears welled up while waiting for my name to be called. My chest feels so uncomfortable. It was as if I felt a bad feeling was going to happen after this. Angga sitting next to me continued to hold my hand and said everything would definitely be fine. At last the nurse called me.
"Mrs Anggia!" I raised the face where a nurse came out of the doctor's door smiling at me. Soon I'm in with Angga. My body temperature is increasing. My mind was completely muddled waiting for the results of the examination. I hope there is a miracle happening. Arriving at the examination gurney came the time I was waiting for where my pair of eyes and a pair of doctor's eyes were both staring at the monitor. Seen there the same fetal sac as it was two weeks earlier.
I can't hold back tears right now. The doctor is still moving the transvag*nal device inside my core. Until the next second the doctor breathed a rough sigh.
"Sorry, Mom. Her pouch is still empty. The results are still the same as they were two weeks ago. We must immediately take a curettage action if this slow will actually become a disease." I no longer have the power to resist crying. My tears kept hurting when I heard it.
The harsh reality that I never expected now happened to me. My body was in the arms of Angga and brought to sit in the front seat of the doctor. There the doctor explained but I could no longer hear and understand. Disappointment I feel right now. I tried hard to keep my womb in fact because my stubbornness that night made me lose my future son.
That afternoon I was also in surgery, although my feelings were not willing to be removed from my womb but all had happened. Nothing can make me survive my choice but to surrender to the power.
My spirit and Angga were gone then and there. We just lay there waiting for the doctor to check on me in the hospital room after the surgery. Many times the results of the surgery being destroyed in the plastic I look carefully hoping that there is something I hope to be there. However, none at all.
"Honey already. It's not time we got what we wanted. The time will be better later. We just have to learn from this." I nodded at my husband's words.
Two nights I was hospitalized lucky Angga has not entered work at this time. And this is the third night, where I've returned home empty-minded. The bed in the room felt empty. I should have seen my stomach in the next few months. My shadow is so eager to see my big belly must be so funny.