25 Years of Father
My Father Misses

Every movement of the clock I keep reopening my face cover. Where I keep trying to remember my last memories with Dad. I rubbed Dad's cheeks and lips that were getting cold and hard. My tears came back to me remembering these lips that often said very painful things.

"Lord, forgive all your sins. Forgive me for all the things you did in his lifetime. I don't put any anger on Dad at all. I'm taking it all, God. I want you to leave quietly at this time." I said in the do'a.

When the morning greeted, I invited Angga to take a bath. So did my sister Ica I take her to take a shower. Soon is Father's bath time. It's sad to remember the time is approaching for me to no longer be able to hug and see Dad.

I hurried to take a shower, after getting ready soon I approached Dad again. I hugged and looked at Dad's face. Without feeling it now time has moved so very fast. My tears kept dripping over hearing Mamah crying. I kept watching one by one people come to give us strength. I'm not leaving Dad right now.

Until when my two brothers came. They're all crying. How sick the last brother saw Dad was really gone. Though just yesterday Brother said goodbye to Daddy to go home to take care of Mom. Today you have come back again to see the lifeless Father. It was sad when Dad left there was one brother who could not come. Not only us, my brother was devastated without being able to see Dad one last time.

My tears broke when I saw that people wanted to lift me up to bathe. I can't help myself not holding Dad's body. I'm sure after the bath there won't be time for me to see Dad.

"Silver, patience. We have to be strong. Dad has calmed down. God knows better for me. It's been quite the pain you're feeling right now." I just kept quiet hearing my sister-in-law's words.

I can only nod with tears. I said the same thing to myself. Dad had given up on enduring his pain all this time. Right now I want to calm down. But, somehow it hurts so bad to remember this time is the last time I could touch Dad. I can't touch Dad anymore in front of him.

"Lord, why did you take my fetus back then? Wh why? Why don't you let me see my son one last time? Why don't you give me a chance to see me give birth to the grandchild you want?" In my heart I could only scream in anger.

Why is it so hard for me to make you happy? That's one question I keep repeating in my heart.

"Dad, I miss you. We're in a different place tonight."