25 Years of Father
Guilt

Then came the day Ica would be home in a few days. Mamah came to pick up my sister intending to stay home a few days first. Mom brought me a lot of food. Trying positive thingking so that my content remains fine. My stomach hurts so much that I no longer feel it. However, even so the blood still often comes out even if only one drop. I feel like my content can't be maintained. Because it has been three weeks before seeing a blood doctor still comes out even though not much. My mind is really sad right now.

Hoping that before my father's surgery next month, my condition could improve soon. My coming home makes me happy. Long time not living together certainly makes me miss the mama cuisine. Until now, I finally enjoyed all the delicious cuisine. Every day we spend at home because my stomach sometimes hurts when it moves.

"Tomorrow the day after mamah has returned. Are you okay if you stay? Or want to mamah here first accompany you?" it was sad to hear Mom ask that.

I know my mom doesn't calm down in my situation like this. But, there is also a father whose pain is increasingly frequent relapse. I know you won't be strong if you have to leave dad.

"I'll have Angga in charge, Mah. He is also on leave. Mama take care of dad. Don't let me bring my own car danger if his heart suddenly falls later." that's something I'm often worried about.

Dad was so loud, I was so anxious to hear you were going out of town alone driving his car. The thing that I fear the most if until the heart of the father relapses and the state of the streets that are quiet makes it difficult for father to get help.

"Yes, I'm back with Ica. Do not say anything first. Food bought outside? Remember don't wash your clothes first." I nodded in agreement.

Honestly, it feels like the house feels very crowded if there are mamah. I feel like I'm back in small town where Mamah often makes my favorite dishes.

"Darling, take Mama with Ica for a walk? Poor thing they came there's no way at all." The goose obeyed. He took my mom and Ica to the mall while I chose to rest at home.

There was at least one time they went on vacation even though it was not in accordance with what he expected.

"Mah, I'm fine. What matters is that dad's there with Ica. Mamah do not continue to be the same Ica." mamah laughed at my words.

Indeed my sister often complained if mama and she often quarrel. I'm not surprised, because I used to feel in my sister's position. Where my mind is still very unstable and mamah whose soul is a little tomboy difficult to understand his son. Many times I argue with my mom behind my dad.

I waved my hand as mama and Ica walked away in a car that was mamah carrying with the driver. The more I come here the more I worry about my family. It was as if the fear of losing them was haunting my mind more and more. I don't feel my tears dripping.

"Lord, keep mama on the road with my sister. Deliver them safely to their destination without lacking anything." My prayer is welcomed amen said by my husband.

"Mamah will be here again. Patience huh?" said Angga who knows if I still miss mamah very much.

"But, I feel guilty, Angga. Mamah I can not take a walk what else Ica. The holidays are just going to the mall once. I pity." Angga rubbed my long hair.

"Mama and Ica know you're sick again. They'll be here again. We just took them for a walk, okay?" I also nodded. Hope time passes quickly and I can atone for my guilt with my mother and Ica.

Because the journey they took to arrive at my house is quite far. How could the fatigue that they just treat by staying at home alone. Of course I can't bear to see a mother who came far away did not get her hope. Although many times mamah said mamah is not the purpose to travel here, but to pick up Ica only.