At the End of the Waiting (Love of the Soldier)
CHAPTERS 70. A Fragile Heart
Drrtt....Drrtt....Drrttt
Viara reached into her phone that rang inside her sling bag
"Mother" murmured Viara wiped her tears and began to press the green button on her phone screen
"Hello dear Mother, assalamu'alaikum" said Viara showing a smile as if nothing happened to her
"Dear Walaikumsalam, where are you son? You're okay, right?" Ask Mother Hana worried across there
"Alhamdulillah Viara is fine mother, Viara is healthy here. Here there is also a sister who is ready to take care of Viara, so mother just calm down well" said Viara softly
"Dad son, take good care of yourself there well, somehow Mother feels something has happened to you" said Mother Hana worried across there
"No mother, Viara is fine" replied Viara slightly dropping her phone from her ear and dropping her tears while looking up
"Don't lie, baby. Mother's children are not good at hiding any problems with their mother. So tell me what's the burden on your mind, baby? Do not be alone because you can be destroyed slowly later" said Mother Hana softly.
Not strong anymore to stem her tears Viara again dropped a clear bulir and sobbed beside her phone
"Viara misses Mother home, Viara misses her father.. Viara does not want to grow up Mother, Viara wants to be a child" said Viara while crying profusely
"Why do you think that, baby?"
"Viara wants to be small like Mother used to be. When Viara was a child, Viara could play and laugh very loosely without any burden of mind. When Viara falls, only Viara's knees and hands are injured, not Viara's heart. But as of today, Viara's mind is getting more and more Mother's hysterics... Viara wants to be like before, Viara wants to be hugged by the same father as Mother if she falls. Viara wants to diomelin Mother if the rain shower later. Viara wants to spend time with dad when he finished praying with Mommy, hiks. hyks......" Viara said as she broke into tears
"Honey, living the days when adults also need a lot of struggle dear. In addition to the increasing burden of the mind, the responsibilities that must be done are also more and more. It's okay if Viara is tired, it's okay if Viara wants to cry. At least by crying, the burden of Viara's mind was carried along with a circle of tears that flowed on the cheeks. But don't get lost in grief, son, you did fall, but you have to try to get up again. If you can't run, then walk baby. Winning life is not always easy, sometimes it takes a lot of struggle and tears. But believe me son, behind the winding road called patience, Viara will find the happiness that Viara wants all along. If today Viara still falls, then continue to walk until Viara forgets all the problems that Viara had experienced as time went on. Make the experience that Viara experienced before as a lesson to be better in the future. Viara remembers Mother's message earlier right? " Mother Hana's advice is soft.
Viara wiped her tears and nodded her head beside her phone
"Dad Mother, don't be a good person, but be a good person. Because good people are not necessarily advertising, but advertising people are certainly good" Viara replied with a smile
"Alhamdulillah Mother's child still remembers. Keep holding on to your life, son. And one more thing, Viara does not need to be small to get the affection of the same father Mother. Although Viara is an adult now, but Viara is still a child Mother. The little boy who is always the father and Mother loves and prays always even though the child is far in sight. The same father Mother also miss the same Viara. Dad said the house is getting quieter without Viara here" Viara smiled her smile at her mother's words
"Really Mother? Then where is dad now? Viara wants to chat with her first love Viara" whining Viara like a child
"Haha, dad again monitored his personnel in the village next door dear. There is also a limited signal so the father is difficult to contact" replied Mother Hana across there
"Well, I really want to talk to my dad"
"Viara is calm well, after the father comes home later, Mother immediately told me that her favorite daughter also misses him there"
"Hahaha Iyah mother, Viara dear father same mother. Then it's already well ma'am, Viara must return to the official house because here already want magrib mother" said Viara
"All right, baby, be careful. Assalamu'alaikum my daughter"
"Helpful Walaikumsalam" Viara replied with a smile and turned off her phone connection
"At least, there are still people who make me continue to move forward and eagerly live the rest of my life" muttered Viara staring around her where the shadow of Pandu back crossed her mind
"Although without you beside me, you are also an encouragement in my life. I love you Pandu, will always love you. I'll keep missing you here, though maybe, my miss will never be reciprocated again"
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The next morning, Ila who had just entered the room after breakfast in the kitchen gasped in shock at Viara who was neat with her service uniform
"Viara, where are you going? Go to school. But today there is no timetable for you to teach at school" asked Ila furrowed her brows
"It's okay Ila. I've told the principal that as long as Mr. Dino is hospitalized, then I will replace his teaching duties at school" Viara smiled at Ila and returned to packing her bag
"But why Viara? If you take over the time to teach Mr. Dino, then every day you will always go to school" asked Ila again confused by Viara's words
Viara controlled her breathing and turned to look at Ila
"I took this decision not without reason Ila. I just want to pay for my mistakes to Mr. Dino"
"But this isn't Viara's fault" Ila denied making Viara speechless on the spot.
Viara recalled the incident 2 days ago, where at that time Pandu was so brutal beat Mr. Dino that he was unconscious, while Viara could not do much to prevent Pandu who increasingly hit Pak Dino. Not feeling, her tears came back to remember everything that had happened
"No Ila, this is my fault.. I can't do much to help Mr. Dino from the Pandu bang, even though Mr. Dino is well intentioned to return the Pandu ring that was lost to me" said Viara covering his face with both palms.
Ila who felt the weight that Viara was experiencing now walked over to Viara and rubbed her back gently
"Don't always blame yourself Viara...." Ila's speech was cut off by Viara's voice
"No craziness, I was the cause of Mr. Dino lying in the hospital and I was the cause of the Pandu bang so hate me. I don't deserve to be loved by anyone" said Viara, running out of the house with tears in her eyes
"Vyara!!!" call Ila the unheard of Viara. Viara kept running carrying the sadness and destruction that was controlling her heart and mind now
"Who are you Viara? You don't deserve to be loved. Who would accept a woman like you, while your own lover has insulted you with inappropriate words. Then what about others?. From the beginning you are not worthy of love" Inner Viara stopped running and crying in front of a very quiet park.
"WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME!!!!" Shouting Viara let out the burden that her heart bore
"I don't deserve to be loved" slowly, Viara fell on the grass
"Why don't you listen to me.. Have I ever pretended to you all this time.. Why are you insulting me so badly. I'm not a cheap woman like you said. Sincere accounts in loving you, you know it takes a struggle to open your heart again to someone new... But why did my struggle you destroy in an instant. Why do you break my heart and hurt like this, it hurts me so much hiks.." lirih Viara increasingly sobbing. His tears did not stop to flow until it continued to drip exposed to the grass that became the base supporting his fragile body
"Rise Viara, you must be able to stand on your own feet. If you can't spend the rest of your time with the people you love, then stand up and paint your time with the people who love you. You're not a cheap woman, but a great woman. You've been sincere all this time, only he can't understand all that in you. Remove those tears, keep trying to hold the weight and the wounds of the heart. Carve out happiness with those who love you so that when your time has come, you are surrounded by many people who love you" Viara blotted out her tears and limped, Viara got up from her seat and returned to her feet to the school where she taught
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2 Months have passed, but that time feels very long for the tormented person. The dead heart kept moving its feet looking for a little happiness in its life. The weak heart always gives smiles and laughter to those closest to him until he forgets that he also needs to be happy. A clear thread always escaped his eyes when he was alone in the days he went through, but his lips still held a smile before the world
For people who understand themselves, the meaning of a smile is very heartbreaking. Where we have to smile to cover the wounds of the heart deep enough. Smile so that we are considered okay by the world, and smile so as not to describe the suffering and inner destruction that has always tortured and drained tears
Every time he saw Mr. Dino, Viara's tears always came out considering the events of two months ago that he never forgot in his mind. If he could, maybe Mr. Dino wasn't lying like in front of him at the moment. If at that time he can, eat let himself be beaten by his mistakes, not others who have to accept the consequences.
Every day, Viara always went to school to replace Mr. Dino's teaching schedule. Despite the fatigue, broken heart, and illness he suffered was not able to discourage Viara to do things that are beneficial to those closest to him.
Ila was also often worried and crying to see her best friend. Always smiling and laughing cheerfully in front of the children and many people, but when he caught his best friend was alone, then he cried to see his friend who was so fragile as not to live anymore. Sometimes his best friend came home with a pale face or in a state of being swept away by residents because he was found unconscious on the streets
"If I were you, then I couldn't be as strong as you. You are so good at hiding wounds and giving smiles to others. You are so great to keep trying to get up even if your weak body is eager to leave for good. You are indeed a great Viara, you are the strongest person I have ever met so far" said Ila stroked the top of Viara's head that had fallen asleep, but the corner of Viara's eyes never stopped letting out a clear, heart-wrenching groove and sobbing sound
"May you soon get Viara happy again" Ila muttered her tears and fixed the blanket that covered Viara's body
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Next day
"Thank you for bringing Ara up here, sister" Viara smiled at Bang Zardan who drove her all the way to town
"Tama-sama Ara. When are you going home? Let brother pick you up" asked Bang Zardan
"Tomorrow, sister, but Ara came home later on the bus" replied Viara while showing her smile
"Are you sure it's okay to get back on Ara's bus?" Bang Zardan asked who was a little worried about Viara
"Dad brother, Ara will be fine. Brother don't have to worry well" said Viara smiling trying to convince Bang Zardan
"Alright Ara, then brother go home first well, take good care of yourself here. If there is anything, directly contact brother yah" said Viara replied with a nod Viara with a smile. Bang Zardan stroked the top of Viara's head and boarded his truck to return to the village.
After the truck was not seen again, Viara began to move her legs to the hospital where she returned to undergoing treatment
"Excuse me doctor Citra" said Viara after arriving at the hospital and preparing to enter the Citra doctor's room
"Hi Viara, long time no see" exclaimed doctor Citra hugging Viara
"Doctors are on duty again at this hospital huh?" Ask Viara
"Dad Viara, my uncle again asked me to take care of this hospital for the next 2 months" replied Citra's doctor while helping Viara lie in the examination gurney
"Before undergoing chemotherapy today, as usual I will do an examination on you" Viara nodded her head with a smile and looked at Citra's doctor who performed various examinations on her
After conducting repeated examinations to ensure accurate results, Citra doctors were surprised by the results of the examination that was always the same in each examination
"Tell Viara, do you often feel shortness of breath, nosebleeds, and intense pain in your head and body until you are unconscious?" Ask Doctor Citra worriedly
"Dad doctor, two months ago, the symptoms often occur 4 times a week to me" replied Viara slowly
"Surely he was stressed and depressed until his condition got worse and worse" Inner Doctor Citra looked at Viara with nanar. Doctor Citra controlled her breathing and walked up to Viara
"Viara, the cancer you are suffering from is almost nearing stage 3. Your cancer cells are spreading again in your body in parts that have been switched off before" Citra explained. Viara smiled hearing the words of doctor Citra and placed her right palm on her chest
"Maybe this heart will also soon stop beating doctors" said Viara made the eyes of the doctor Citra teary
"Why do you say that Viara, don't you have the spirit of life anymore?" Ask Doctor Citra to hold back her tears from spilling
"I still have a little bit of the doctor's spirit, but my heart and body are very weak and eager to put an end to all this. This body is tired to keep fighting with the doctor's pain" Viara said with a faint smile
"Why do you say that Viara? What happened to you until you were weak like this. Tell me" Viara shed her tears looking at the eyes of the doctor Citra who had been glazed over.
Viara let out her breath and began to tell the beginning of her destruction to doctor Citra.
Doctor Citra again shed tears and rushed to hug Viara who came back crying and sobbing considering the incident that happened to him two months ago. Viara even told Citra's doctor if her body was eager to die and leave for good
"Don't, don't say that Viara. Can you see us crying over your departure? Do you have the heart to leave your mother who is always waiting for you to come home?" Ask doctor Citra with tears
"I can't see that. But I still have a wish before I go to the doctor. I still have a little hope of staying alive and gathering with my loved ones before my body is covered in a doctor's white blanket" Viara said, wiping away tears on the cheeks of doctor Citra
"What's your last wish Viara? I will try to make you do what you want" asked Citra doctor expectantly
"I just want to spend the rest of my time with our friends in our hometown. I want to be with the people and families I love there. And before these eyes close for good, I just want to meet my father. Only my father has my spirit to stay alive and survive when this body wants to leave. I just want to look at my dad and spend my time with him. I want the last person I see before these eyes close is my father. Because only my father has been a man who has loved me since I was a child. It's just my dad who never raised his hand on me. I also have love, which is my father. I just want, when I'm leaving, the last person I see is my father, I'd love to die in my father's arms" Viara smiled as she remembered her father who always gave her sincerity and affection
"Alright Viara, I will try my best to make you live longer so that you can realize your last wish. You want to meet your father, don't you? Then you must be eager to stay alive and spend the rest of your life with him" Citra Doctor said with a smile
"Thank you doctor" Viara said sincerely
"Together Viara, now we start the chemotherapy well"
"Good doctor" Citra's doctor smiled and began to pair medical devices on Viara's body
"Give me some more time, Lord, before I go before you, let me be happy for the rest of my life. If I can't be happy with the people I love, let me be happy with the people who love me"
Seriate....