Touch Me!
That Time

Vanya was still silent in a sitting position on the hospital bed. He looked at his fingers that were clinging to each other and clenched firmly. As for Nath, he prefers to stand by the glass window that displays the beautiful view of the city.

Nath, I'm scared and confused. How do you explain it to you? as I recalled the incident, I even felt disgusted with myself. Then how can I tell you about that?

Vanya looked at Nath who was still standing looking out. He thought that Nath was very angry right now. Though, Nath deliberately keeps his face away and keeps his distance so that Vanya does not faint again. And he kept quiet so that Vanya would have the courage to tell the truth.

Vanya increasingly put pressure on his two hands that are still in a state of connection and pressing each other. Vanya took a breath and exhaled slowly. He tried every way to be strong. Strong to tell the truth. Now all he thinks about is Nathan. No longer wishing for his love for Nath. Whatever Nath's decision, as long as it doesn't take Nathan away from him, then Vanya will come to terms with reality.

Vanya lowered her legs slowly. He forcibly removed the infusion needle that was still piercing at his wrist. He did it very slowly so as not to make a sound. I don't know what the purpose is. Perhaps, that fear made him want to act cautiously. Even to the point of not wanting his breath to be heard as well. Slowly, Vanya walked closer towards Nath who did not change his position at all.

" Nath, "Call Vanya after several breaths and exhale slowly. Believe me, Vanya really did it without a sound. He himself was not aware of what he was doing.

Nath got up to hear a voice behind his back. He suddenly changed the direction of his body to see the figure behind his back that he already knew who it was.

" What are you doing?! why are you suddenly standing here?! " Task Nath with a snapping tone.

He yelled at me? though, she was always gentle and smiling but this Nath, she was,.

" Why did you pull out your infusion? what hurts? let's get back to bed.

Eh? he was angry and yelled at her for worry? is this real or not?

Nath holds Vanya's body and lays down slowly. " Wait here. I'll call the doctor to reattach your infusion.

" no. Waitaminute! " Vanya grabbed Nath's wrist. Nath gets back to him.

" I'm fine. No need to hurt my wrist by stabbing that damn needle. " Vanya said, who was upset to see her hand using an infusion. The infusion hose will only remind him when Nathan was born at the age of seven months. That was the last time Vanya wore an infusion hose.

Nath sat on the bed, staring and stroking Vanya's head gently. Vanya was eager to smile to get this gentle treatment. But, he wasn't even sure if Nath would continue like this if he knew the truth.

Vanya grabbed Nath's hand from his head. He held a hand that was almost twice as big as his. " Nath, I'll tell you everything. But promise me. " Vanya looked at Nath as if affirming.

" yes. What am I supposed to promise?

" Please promise not to take Nathan away from me.

Eh? so that's what he thinks? stupidhead! I'm not just gonna take Nathan. I'll take you too.

" yes. Yeah, I really don't want to promise.

Vanya took a breath and exhaled slowly. His heart was beating very fast too. Strength, where you are strength. Show up. I need you.

" Nath, five years ago, I came.. " Vanya's speech came to a halt when their eye beads met. The courage he had so badly accumulated, was now gone in a matter of seconds.

Nathan raised his palm and closed Vanya's eyes. " Don't look at me if you're scared. Justsaytheword. I'll listen.

Vanya nodded. " Five years ago, I came to the hospital. Something is happening outside of my control. I ran to your room to hide myself. Then I saw you. At first I just wanted to stop for a while, but before I sneak in, I heard the sisters talking about your situation. They said you wouldn't last long. I feel sorry for that. I approached you and invited you to meet. I also told you about my problems at the time. I thought you were happy to meet me. Because back then, you always moved your fingers slowly.

Moving fingers? Vanya do you know? that time,..

" I, I, I,... " Vanya began to hesitate when she wanted to continue her sentence. There is a hard feeling to be realised. Feelings of fear, nervousness, even disgust and self-loathing.

" It's okay. Justsaytheword.

Nath's words just now, as if carrying a power of its own for Vanya. I don't know, he doesn't feel like he has to hate himself anymore.

" I am, really tempted by your face. Me, I'm starting me, I,

" Just tell me, it's okay.

The deg.....!

Both Vanya and Nath, their hearts seemed to mutually agree with each other.

" then? " Nath still wants to hear next.

" I was, at the time,.. Me, accidentally touched it. " If Vanya is so nervous, then Nath is now smiling while imagining what Vanya had said.

" But who would have thought, behind your comatose body, that part of you still works well.

" then? " Nath still wanted to hear what was next even though his face was now completely flushed with embarrassment.

" Yes, I was in a mess. So I was not aware of what I was doing. I climbed up on your body and, uh,..

" And what?

" Why are you still asking? of course it is, it is,..

Nath lowered the hand he had used to close Vanya's eyes. Their eyes meet. I don't know what Nath was thinking. Vanya couldn't guess it through the look in those eyes.

" Nath, a, are you angry?

Silent.......

" Nath, "Vanya is trying to call Nath back.

Silent.....

He's angry, isn't he? if you are angry you can abuse me. Why is he so silent? don't know yeah? if silence makes people misbehave.

" Vanya? " Call Nath who regains his consciousness after daydreaming about something.

" oom?

" What date?

" What? the dates? this day? " Vanya was confused. Why ask for a date? it was long as the newspaper he told me, why even the date asked.

" The date you came to the hospital that day.

What's?! the dates? why indeed? of course I know. I even round that date every year. I always wanted to erase that damned date.

" Vanya, say. What date is that day. " Nath held onto Vanya's arms expectantly in order to get her answer.

" Ta, may twenty-one at 14:40. That's the clock I got out of the hospital building.

Nath looked at Vanya. That perfectly fluffy smile was accompanied by teary eyes I don't know what the max is.

Grep.....!

Nath hugged Vanya tightly. " Vanya thank you. Thank you for what you did that day. Thanks very much.

Eh? the max? she's thankful that I raped her?

To Be Continued