Morning Star
Explanation

After promnight last night I haven't seen Heaven back at home. Even until this morning, when we were enjoying breakfast together on holiday. At the dinner table there was only aunt Marisa, Dana, Bintang and me.

"Star, where's your sister?" ask aunt Marisa between meals.

The star only shrugged both of her shoulders indifferently, as if she did not care anymore about her brother's state. I was afraid that Aunt Marisa would ask me the same thing. Thinking about it makes me nervous.

"Kejora, look at his room Sky. Tumben's clock this way he hasn't been seen."

I'm looking. Looking at aunt Marisa because I just looked down. It's not that I don't want to see him right now, I'm just afraid that he can't forgive me and won't open the door to his room once I know I'm coming. Surely aunt Marisa and Dana don't know if me and Sky are no longer related. Although Sky didn't say the word break up that night, but I'm sure if he had ended his relationship with me.

I had not gotten out of the chair yet, suddenly the sound of broken objects sounded loudly from the Sky room above. We threw gazes at each other, wondering what happened to the sky. Aunt Marisa then decided to climb the stairs intending to check what had happened. I'm starting to get anxious. I don't know why I suddenly feel bad. Not thinking much more, I tailed behind aunt Marisa towards the Sky room.

Aunt Marisa opened the door of the room in a quick motion. After the door opened wide I found the sky standing in front of a large mirror in his room that had broken. The room was so messy. Lots of stuff scattered and broken glass scattered everywhere. While his right hand was already spitting out fresh blood dripping onto the floor.

"God! Why you, baby?! What's the matter with you?" her mother shouted hysterically.

The sky dropped itself to the edge of the bed with a frustrated look. He sat there looking down, letting his hands freely drip blood. As if he did not care anymore if he could run out of blood later.

"Kejora! Can you take the P3K box for a second," aunt Marisa ordered in a panic.

I who was still dumbfounded in the doorway instantly came to a realization. After venturing into the messy Sky room, I started looking for the P3K box in each of the drawers. Aunt Marisa was still panicking, let alone the face of Heaven turning pale now.

"You medicine Sky first yes, aunt want to call the doctor."

With the unilateral decision of aunt Marisa immediately ran to leave me who was still sitting near the sky without waiting for my approval.

I was actually traumatized by blood. Since the accident that happened to my family back then. But how else, if not immediately in the bandage the blood will surely flow continuously.

I gathered all my courage to sit beside Heaven and took his hand. My eyes are already glazed. I know the sky is like this because of me. He was not the type of person who could not control his emotions and anger. I know his heart is broken.

I wanted to scold him with different words. Like when I was his girlfriend. But I realized everything was different. He would be foolish to do this only because of me. I hurt myself just because of a girl like me. It might even be possible that he could easily find another woman who was more than me without having to do something ridiculous like this.

At first I thought Heaven would reject me when I wanted to treat his injuries. But when I took his hand he just kept quiet and obeyed. I dare not look at him. I just kept quiet and kept quiet while cleaning the blood between his fingers with a cotton swab and a little alcohol.

The sky is not like a normal person whose wounds are covered with alcohol will scream in pain. He just fell silent. I felt my tears wet my cheeks. It even had dripped in the hands of Heaven because of my position that continued to bow.

"That hurt me, Ra. Not my hand."

I stopped my activity treating him. The bandage was almost done I put it in his hand if only he had not said the sentence just now.

"Lo can take my hand. But can you cure my heart? The pain in this hand is not equal to what you have done to me, Ra." he continued.

I ventured to look at him. His face was pale and pale. His eyes were full of disappointment. Her eyes are red. Has Heaven been torturing himself like this all night?

The sky is aware of my fear now. He gripped both of my arms and led me to stand up, pushing me back until my back had already touched the wall of his room.

I don't know what he's gonna do now. Suddenly, both of his hands cupped my face. Though his injured hand had not been able to bandage perfectly. I could see the blood of Heaven seeping there. Making the white bandage is now changing color.

"Why should the girl I love? Why do you have to make me this broken? My heart hurts, Ra. YOU'VE BROKEN MY HEART, RA!"

My eyes closed hearing the sky yelling that angry. His injured right hand he used to punch the wall right next to my face.

I screamed in shock. My tears broke right then and there. Is the sky crazy? Just looking at his wound made me grieve. What if added to the fist just now?

"Lang, please don't believe me. Don't torture yourself. You can hit me if you hate me." I asked while crying in front of him. My reflex was holding his arm strong, hoping that Heaven would not make the wound in his hand worse.

"Gue asked you to leave here. I don't want to see you," he threw out while brusquely brushing my hand.

"But Lang,"

"GUE SAID LEAVE NOW!" he pointed to the door.

"Okay, I'll go. But first my explanation. As long as you know, I have absolutely no intention to lie to you. That's all I do because I don't want to hurt your feelings, I don't want to lose you. I've been trying to love you all this time, but I still can't. I am also confused as to why I feel this way. Why good people like you should feel heartache. Please, don't do anything silly like this anymore" I said beside him.

The sky turned its face away. Seeing the reaction of him not wanting me to stay in that place any longer, I stood up from my seat and left him still. On the one hand, my feelings are relieved now that Heaven already knows my true feelings. But on the other hand, I also could not bear to see him like a frustrated person.

"Lo why?" ask after facing me back.

"It's none of your business."

"Gue's fine, you why?" The stars are getting curious.

"Care what the hell are you the same me? Do your own business!"

I brushed off his rough hands, then left the Star fixated.

Not giving up until there, Bintang kept chasing me until we stopped in the garden of his yard. I sat on the white long chair in the garden as I pleased.

"Lo fight with your boyfriend?"

"Gue just broke up with the sky." Isakku again.

I've never been snapped by the sky like that. All this time I've only had a sweet treat from her. The patient sky. The romantic sky. Now he really hates me. The sky is scaring me now.

The stars look at me cynically. "So is his love the same? So you cry roaring like a gini?"

This time I chose silence. I don't want to argue anymore with anyone including the Star who doesn't know anything. If only the stars knew if the problem also concerned him. Can he still be this relaxed? I think my heart is still not perfectly arranged.

***

In the afternoon I met a man in a cafe not far from the park. We sat together for ten minutes and kept quiet. I set my breath for a moment. Wiping away my tears that keep flowing because of the guilt that continues to haunt.

"Lo really want to tell you what the hell, Ra? From then on you just cry. I was confused," said Adira who was tired of seeing me cry in front of him earlier.

"Gue broke up with Sky, brother."

"Good dong." Adira answered with ease.

I'm glancing towards him now. Looks like I've gone the wrong way for choosing Adira for a vent.

"Sir, I'm serious. I want to confide." My whine to Adira.

"Gue two rius instead. What is lo nangisin anyway? Don't you really like him?" asked Adira who was astonished to see my situation now.

"He hurt himself, brother, and I'm sure it was because of me. I feel guilty now."

Adira sighed, then looked at me for a moment. "Keep him that way, Ra. Maybe he loves you the same. That's why he can't accept the truth. But it's all just a matter of time. I'm sure he's like this because he's still hurt."

"What do I need to do? I think the sky hates me now. He probably won't forgive me." My words are resigned.

Everything that happened was beyond anything I ever imagined. Now the problem is getting more complicated. Not to mention me and Sky live one house. I just don't want Heaven to do anything silly anymore that could harm him.

I also feel sorry for Aunt Marisa who worries about the condition of the sky. What would happen if Aunt Marisa knew that the cause of Heaven was me? Is it possible that Aunt Marisa will hate me too for hurting her child?

"Let him alone first. If there is a good time, then talk to him. Because free also you explain everything to him if he is not yet able to make peace with his heart." Adira said.

"What a bad guy, brother?" I ask who is already glazed now.

"Lo is not evil. In a romance, heartache and heartbreak are natural things. How we react to it."

"For me the relationship between Sky and Star is so tenuous now."

"Stop beating yourself up, Ra. Now think ahead. Find a solution where everything can be resolved. I'll help you."

I smiled wryly at Adira. The words just now seemed to revive the positive energy in my body. Adira does have an adult attitude behind her ridiculous behavior all this time.

***