You are the Only One
27. I Don't Know Any More

Goslings

"Bro."

I was startled by Oliver's voice calling out to me as I landed my feet at the bottom of the stairs. Even so, I only had the strength to raise my head at a glance and back down.

I could hear a loud breath coming out of his nose. "Come on's. Go home with me." He clasped my shoulder from the side and started walking.

However, I cannot accompany my best friend's steps. "No." Now it's my turn to sigh. "Gue still has to say the same bokap and nyokap lo. They must be waiting for me in the front living room with that son of a bitch."

"Ah, done. Don't need to be whirred. They told him to leave."

The description from Oli makes me flinch. My head was automatically raised quickly. "What's? They did what?"

He tucks his shoulders. "Bokap said that now is not the right time to discuss everything at once. We need to talk about this first internally with Lala. And I don't want him to have to wait. To an unspecified time limit."

"What?"

"Yeah." He sneered.

"Seriously lo?"

Oliver groans. "Yes, Kunyuk. I seriously. I dare to joke in my moments, anyway? I'm not that thick a time!"

I took a long breath again. I don't know what to thank Om Arif and Aunt Yuni for deciding to do what I can't seem to do, communicate and be wise, or I have to prostrate at their feet to beg for forgiveness.

But in hindsight, I seemed to have to do both of those things.

For the love of all things holy, Angga! Stop doing something stupid and messing up your own life!

"If that's what I think I should now talk to you and talk to you." I revealed after learning of Owen's departure. Even though he wasn't here anymore, it didn't mean that all the problems were over. His absence only ticked off one of the many tasks in the pile of things I had to complete.

"Kan, I told you. Go on, bro. Don't think of anything else now. Clearly, you better rest first. Calm each other's thoughts and feelings before we gather again to talk about this well." He patted me on the shoulder a few times. "Lo hear me, right? Yok, take a break."

Oliver is now pushing my body a little harder. My already helpless body was easily carried along with the big steps of the young man.

"Eh, by the way, where do you think? Have you booked a hotel yet? Or want to go straight back to Jakarta? We use one car. Car business is easy. Ask who it is." Oliver made an offer.

I am very grateful for his current presence. I really don't have the energy to do anything else. Or rather, I have no intention of doing anything more. I just want to fall to the floor and unite with the dust that is there.

Fxcking! I sound like the lyrics of a super duper song.

"It's okay. I can still bring a car, really." I try to stay strong. Because it would be hard to take my car from this house later. I don't want to procrastinate an apocalypse that will hit our relationship by leaving things behind or leaving things to take care of in the future. Coming back here to pick up the car I know Olavia doesn't want me anymore is impossible. Especially if I have to refrain from meeting Ole.

Nope. I'm not going to make myself experience that. It's enough pain that I have to endure. No need to add any more.

Now it's my best friend's turn to sound hesitant. "What, bro?"

"Hm." I muttered while nodding weakly.

"Oh, okay." Oliver agreed after being silent for a while. It took a long time for him to convince himself that I was good to drive a car alone. "Gue follow you. No problem either. Do whatever you want."

Well, man. I can't do that. Now obviously I can't do anything I want anymore.

I nodded my head without saying anything.

****

"Whose house, huh, Ngga? It's really cool, it's bad" Oliver commented after we set foot inside my house. "His vibes are perfect for young families who are newly married or already have small children, you know!"

Yeah, man. I know that. "My house." I answered briefly while putting the key on the broken white counter in the kitchen.

"What?" He's wide-eyed. "Seriously lo?"

I just put my shoulders down.

"When did you have property around here? How come you don't tell me if you want to buy? I, right, can also look around for investments." Oliver immediately nagged.

Rindukan Oliver who echoed in the middle of the house makes this house not feel so empty anymore. However, we cannot do anything to the cavity created by the departure of my heart and feelings.

After all, those questions kept my mind focused on the women and boys who were not far from here. Actually, my mind never got away from them. It's just that, sometimes my head allows them to take the order of umpteenth because my heart gets a guarantee that they're not going anywhere. However, looking at the present situation, it seems my memory grasps them more and more tightly knowing that they no longer exist in my real life.

How sad is that? Holding on in despair to the memories that slip from between my fingers every day.

Doing so is really draining. It's only been a few minutes and I've been feeling good. Not because I was happy, but because I lost myself as time went on without them at my side.

I think I should start getting used to enjoying the bad taste as I feel now. Again and again, for the umpteenth time I exhaled a long breath. "Old old age. I bought it a long time ago, about ten years ago. Then I renovated it according to the shape of Olavia's dream house. I plan to make this our wedding gift. But now I guess it's no use anymore. I don't know if the wedding will still be done or not. I don't even know if Olavia still wants me to."

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