You are the Only One
26. Rangs

Goslings

After that, confession after confession slid smoothly from my mouth.

"I deliberately went to Owen to ask him to sign a letter of approval for the appointment of the child I was taking care of. I ... I intend to present the affidavit to you on our wedding day."

"What?!"

"But ...."

"But he doesn't know that Oleander exists." The Olavian voice sounded like the whisper of a subtle creature; distant yet near at the same time.

I did not dare to raise my head and watch what was inside his expression right now. I did not dare to look at the hatred and anger that was milling there directly. What I am most afraid of is that if I look up and see disappointment staring back at me.

Fxck. I can't do that. If I see the disappointment that is in his gaze, I will not be able to live quietly after that.

This is how it feels to be half dead.

"He doesn't know about Ole. I think .. I think he hasn't wanted to be around you because he doesn't want to be responsible for what he's done. But ... but .... I guess it's not so." I put my shoulders.

"After Owen's stay, I locked myself in a hotel room all day. I ... I ...."

"But you told me that you were busy, right?" In my area of view, I can see the legs of the woman I love most in this world taking one step, backwards.

He started to get away from me. He began to take a step back to get away from me.

Fxck.

Somebody just kill me now.

My head is getting bowed, my shoulders are getting heavier with regret. The more here, the more open one by one, the more accumulated the sins that I have worked. The longer the time that passes, the more mountainous the pain I feel inside. Despite tears, this is nothing to my true feelings.

Nope. Not in the slowest.

"Yeah" I replied weakly. "I did say that. I am so sorry, Baby."

I know my apology means nothing. Not only because Olavia would not forgive me, but also because I only apologized to the carpeted floor of the room. The more there is no reason for him to give me an apology.

Quiescent.

The woman I love, my wife-to-be is silent. I also have nothing else I can make an excuse to patch up this silence. Because I don't want to say anything more. Because whatever comes out of my mouth will be of no use anymore. Everything has happened. Cannot be canceled.

"Get out, Ngga. Get out of my room."

Olavia said that phrase again. I didn't expect that I would experience a situation like this a second time. Although this time with a softer tone, more subtle, but that way the sentence feels more painful. It feels more serious. More final. Out of a deeper place.

This time, I was kicked out of my room for the same reason. Because the same person.

Even if he goes to hell for good, chances are I'll meet him there. We will both go to hell after this life.

"Please, Ngga. Pleases. Get out of my room. I want to be alone right now." Nothing can make a person's heart break more than a wish uttered with a quivering voice and the earnestness of the person he loves the most.

I don't want to go next to him. I don't want to leave him alone. I just want to take care of him, protect him, make sure he gets all the best things in the world, but I fail. I have failed. Not yet I have become a loser because it has failed first even long before starting my struggle.

Fxcking.

It hurts a lot, bxngsat. It hurts inside here, under my rib cage. It felt like someone was beating my heart with a hammer to the point, then grind until smooth. My heart is no longer shaped.

Until I have no heart anymore.

No. If Olavia doesn't want to fill my heart, if she doesn't want to be the owner of my heart anymore, I'd rather have no heart at all. Because without him, the organ is useless to me.

"Ngga, please."

She cried. She's been crying. I made her cry again.

Congratulations, you bastard. Lo was already the reason for the tears that were dripping down the woman's cheeks again. You must be proud of yourself, huh? Such a loser.

I remember the words spoken by someone at one time.

It's better to lose a love than to love a loser.

I don't know why I can remember that sentence and I don't know which category I belong to. Obviously, I'm just saying what's on my mind.

You better get your loser xss out of this room. Before Olavia begged again.

If you really love him, you won't let him beg anything from you.

Okay, then. I'm going to get out of here.

I took a deep breath and started to slowly breathe out. With both palms over my thighs, I nodded my head still facing the floor. "OK, Honey. Okay. I'm going outside. But, let me say this first."

Olavia did not make a sound or make any response. I was too hopeful to think of the absence of such a response as a form of permission and approval from him.

"Allow me to say that I really didn't mean to screw things up. I didn't mean to uncover the secret you've been hiding from Owen. I love Ole like my own son. I loved him too much to leave his father's name on his birth certificate blank.

"I know the action I've taken is stupid, uncalculated, and presumptuous. I know and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Olavia. I will not reject any of your decisions after this disaster I caused. And even if you don't .. you don't want to be with someone as sassy and rash as me, that's okay. Even though I wouldn't be able to accept life without you, I would still live it. I love you so much, darling. I love you and Ole so much it makes me crazy."

And that way, with the position still on my knees I turned around and stepped outside the room. I left my heart with the owner behind.

Connect ....