You are the Only One
20. I Don't Feel Like It

Goslings

The bastard managed to break my lower lip and make my cheek turn blue. God fucking. Even so, I have no regrets letting him shower me with his raw bogem.

I feel I deserve those punches after what I did to Olavia.

You stupid traitor. You are hard to make the same mistake as sulu lo lakain. You have made a choice from the hands of Olavia. That's what you say love, huh? is that what you said, baby? Free you say that she is a woman pujaan lo, the person you love the most in this world, if you still behave as good as lo jidat. If you still like to abuse the trust he has given.

You fucking Angga!

Why can't you learn from your mistakes? Why, you don't have that brain? Why can't you think before you act?

While cleaning my wounds in the hotel bathroom I ordered yesterday, with clean water and the right equipment this time, I was busy cursing myself in my heart. Yeph. Because I feel worthy of being scolded anyway.

Shxt.

I booked this room yesterday just in case I had to stay. And now it seems like I should stay over.

I remember what the wise people often say.

Your plan will never work if there's a plan B in there.

So, there it is. I shouldn't have booked this room. I shouldn't have imagined. I should have made a solid plan. However, what to say. Rice has become porridge. Although there is clearly no chicken milk, fried soybeans, celery pieces, fried onions, and broth, I still have to be able to enjoy what has been served by life.

Or at least pretend to enjoy the porridge.

Hm. Can, right, lo?

Honestly? I don't know if I can pretend to enjoy all the things that have to do with the two people I love the most in this world. As for Olavia and Oleander, there is no word in the dictionary. There are only two choices; I am happy with them or I languish without both. That'sthat's all. Point.

How is that situation looking for you right now, huh? A voice in my head asked. I knew it was a demon in there. Which option would come true after what happened this afternoon? Are you sure there are still possibilities for the first choice after Olavia knows everything? After he realized what he had done? I don't think so. The second option makes more sense. You will be removed from their days. And, ahem. It is not impossible that your position will be replaced by a new person. Yeah, no, huh?

Oh, FXXXXXCK!

Instantly my screams that sounded like the roar of a beast in pain had already filled the bathroom. The pain also immediately darted along my right arm. When I checked, I knew that blood had flowed from the gaping wounds on the skin that covered the base book of my finger bones.

What the fxck?

When looking up, I also just realized that the sink mirror in front of me has cracked a thousand.

God damn it!

Couldn't you, you don't have to make trouble, Ngga? Can you not, you do not have to look for things? Can you, you calm down? Don't have much behavior. Don't be too dumb to do something that no one else likes. Ha's?

In your opinion, what will happen, Ngga? What will happen to Olavia's heart? What will happen to his trust in you? According to you, would he let his son be with someone he doesn't trust, hm? According to lo, after this is the relationship lo and Oleander still exist even though lo and Olavia have broken up? Ha's?

"Welloooooo!"

****

My phone rings. It's been a whirring the umpteenth time. And the umpteenth time I deliberately let it still ring. Count to fill the empty feeling that begins to eat away at this heart.

It was hard when I chose not to ignore the call of Olavia. So heavy it feels to stare at my screen that lights up and displays a contact photo of my beloved woman. A picture of me and Olavia with Ole in our midst, smiling at the camera. The latest photo we took during Ole's third birthday celebration.

The day that Olavia declared yes to be my wife.

I think the answer will be different after this.

Fxcking.

Not yet it feels sick and half dead.

I wiped away the tears that melted on my cheeks with gauze wrapped around my hands. I couldn't find anything inside of me to care about the cleanliness of the wound that I was dressing carelessly earlier.

After completely destroying the mirror, I called the hotel and told them to clean up the mess I had caused. While the cleaning service officer swept away the sharp fragments, a manager came up to me to ask for a statement of accountability.

It wasn't hard to do.

I immediately transferred the amount of money desired by the hotel without saying a word. The manager who was afraid to face me (seen from how often he glanced towards the door and the way of its restless establishment, like wanting to quickly escape from the dark aura that I was emitting now), suddenly, he really shot out after I signed the letter and showed the proof of the transfer to his face.

After the skinny gentlemen finished sweeping and making sure there were no fragments left, I languished alone in this room.

I have no appetite to eat. I have no desire to take a shower and change clothes. I had no desire to do anything but stare at the gye cell phone that kept ringing even though it had been twelve more forty five minutes.

Fxck.

Sedu and sedan I can no longer hide. Fxcking. It feels really like that.

I don't care if I sound like a sissy. Clearly, I'm not sure I'd be able to survive if Olavia decided to remove me from their days.

Even now it feels like breathing is so hard.

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