This Love Kills Me Slowly
this love is slowly killing me
chapter 6 decision
at least I have been married almost 1.5 years in my marriage, not much development has happened in me, especially feelings.which there is a feeling of boredom, and a sense of despair
I was saturated with my pura, I finally broke up to visit Jakarta. I happened to work there every day commuting to Jakarta Bogor
tonight when both of me deliberately go home late almost 1 month, sometimes at 9 pm I just until sometimes also at 10 pm through all this to avoid my bed activities, moreover, for almost 3 months I have reduced my bed activity, now I am really at the peak of my fatigue.
although sometimes she asks for my reasons are
" sorry dekk. aak tired!! next time yes" I said when she was seducing me
even if she plays my gun, kissing her will not rise perfectly
my body was no longer ready to endure the pain when she was done with her wishes
I got nothing, I got nothing, all that makes my head and all my body feel tense that makes me headache can not sleep if I have not come out right and if I force it I have to endure pain because my weapon became flushed and scuffed
" hhhh!!! aak Mau ngekost in Jakarta close to the work of aak " said me that night
" trus diah how aak"
" yaaa once a week do not want to go home "my word "for a while, you can stay with mama first "my answer
" if you live here you are not comfortable if there is no aak" said Diah
yes I know where there is a daughter-in-law who is comfortable living with in-laws, what else if the husband is not there
separated for a while, I was here because my brothers and parents asked to stay here, my parents' house was too big just for the two of them
actually I have my own house in bojong gede but I live only 1 month once I see
that too when there is time
but she felt too far away if she had to live there with her work
" while no one lives with my mom, "he means he is my in-laws
I was silent for a moment I was thinking of finding the right reason that I could explain to my parents
" yes tomorrow I'll talk to mama "my answer
I went to bed without any bed activity even though she asked for it
to his breakfast table I haven't spoken yet, but when I'm done
I went to my mom and dad and I were watching a TV show
" dude, pa!!!! someone wants omongi" I said
mom looked at me while dad was busy looking for news on tv
" mom!! emmm adi want to spend in Jakarta work is more and more " said my mom a little surprised
"your wife" asked my mother
papa was busy hearing the morning news
" diah temporarily stayed with her mama "my answer
" your household is like cooking food" my father said
"that's not papa!!! work. adi more and more" answered me " papa tau now adi often go home at night"
papa was silent for a moment maybe thinking
" you can..."
" have paaa" my mom cut my papa's talk
" you want to go where "ask mama
" close to the work of adi ma" I replied "once a week to go home" I said
" you are an adult, think! lah !! find another alternative" my papa said as I died
" don't you think, baby "my mom comforted me "already!! now you go to work "
I don't know what my father thought I thought would disagree with my decision is clear
when it comes to his day papa doesn't say much to me only mama still asks
" you got the host "asked my mother that morning
" you answered "me
" diah temporarily stayed with his mama ma ma" I said
" it's nothing "my mother replied "until it was a greeting from my mother "
" he is mam!! it will be up to "the word
" you work "ask mom
" quiet mama diah has always gone home alone "my answer
my papa just kept quiet, even away died we were the ones who were having breakfast
I know you don't agree with my decision, but I think it's the best thing right now, so I can improve my mood,.
over the weekend, my wife and I went to my in-laws' house
previously, she explained the problems of both of us and the welcome to me was good
diqh's parents didn't ask much, and tonight I went to my in-laws' house
" aac!! "
" what "answer me
" mama nanya"
" what is it !!" answer me curiously
" has not been "the word has not been written yet
" keep answering what !!"
" yet not yet "
hmmmmmm.
when it comes to my relationship I always end up with my traditional game, and how many months we have been doing more and more bed activities
" let's just say, we're still young a lot of time !!" answer me while peeking at her forehead, while sleeping against her back
she hugged me from behind and
diah again seduced me to invite me to grow crops that night,
but again I refused on the grounds that my hoe was not hard enough
many times he tried it but things did not improve
actually there is a desire to play with what else has been many times I refused it
what I'm worried about is that after playing I get nothing but pain and I never say anything to him. I prefer to hide it
I've been living alone for almost 1 week in Jakarta
when she called me to come home this week
I answered that there was still a lot of work, I did not expect him to decide to come to me
I know what he wants, though,
the passion that for almost 1 month of the farm fields I never came
I tried to give an excuse that the hostess didn't allow women into the boarding house,
but Diah still rounded her diligence by carrying our marriage book
" khaaahhhh I can't avoid it anymore "
that night an online taxi stopped right at my boarding house,
diah with her work clothes went into my boarding room
I have spoken to the hostess that my wife will stay at this mall, the hostess will allow her
I stayed for a while while cleaning myself in the bathroom
I did not go to my field, I sinned
when I come I feel pain, I am not overwhelmed by that pain
this body relationship even made me traumatized, as a child until now all I know from this relationship is just sick.
I don't know how to turn her down anymore, she's my wife.
and she didn't ask me why I never asked
I took the medicine that was brought in, I was forced to eat it
and I hope I end up tonight
just 20 minutes I waited for my weapon to be ready for combat. long as usual until she gave up in pain while I was!!! just like I never got to my destination
as expected and as usual
diah fell asleep anyway after he fought our long battle tonight
after cleaning his body and being a little spoiled with me he fell asleep
with the condition of the body suffering from pain in all my body
I tortured myself back, though,
there is no more suffering than this.
I'm in a dead end, sharing my story is like being a loser, I have to look good, look perfect and fragile inside
with a decent face, with a prestigious position in a multinational company, with a decent salary, and with a beautiful wife, oooohhhh my life is perfect in the eyes of everyone
but I failed to take care of my heart,
the next day I went home to Bogor with Diah.
affectionately sometimes she holds my hand when my hand is near her
I tried to stop by aak andi place in the citi sentul area. happened to aak andi there was an event and invited us to his house
by the time we got to mom and dad, the atmosphere wasn't too crowded because it was a family event
not long after me, teteh erni my oldest brother in Jakarta arrived
so is the family of aak andi's wife.
my wife was busy helping aak andi's wife, accompanied by aak andi's wife's brother while I was gathering with aak andi, aak, erni and papa tea while mom is with mother-in-law aak andi
in the middle of our conversation
ernie tea asked about diah
"diah is not pregnant yet deck" asked erni tea
" not yet" I answered
" routine does not come "tanya erni tea
papa suddenly interjected between our conversations
" how to routine, adek you where his wife where "my papa said with a high tone
" emang dedek where "tanya teteh me
" in Jakarta tea "I replied
" casual tea is also still new, not 2 years" said aak andi
"dedek moved "tanya teteh surprised
" go to Jakarta tea once a week to go home" I replied
my papa left us after my mother called to gather with them
" father worries about dedek "the word ernie tea when papa is nowhere near us anymore
" worry why tea is so big" I said
"how old mama when dedek was born" said erni tea
" don't know 40 more teas like her "
" for the girl was already the deck master" said erni tea
" pregnant time grandpa!! mama's still taking the kb pill" erni said
" how can I get pregnant tea "ask me wonder
"can be pregnant!! mama usually injects moving into the pill, so it needs adjustment so pregnant "clearly my tetah
I quietly listened to him
" mama at birth dedek also cesar" said tea again
aak and I heard the story of ernie tea
" you know "ask me
" it's over at that time so know "my word
he yes!!! my difference with teteh is very far almost 20 years old, when my mother married 20 eat when I was born 40 years old mama
" saar dedek born papa check all the body dedek fear there is less "
" physical dedek is also different from andi" said teteh
" the difference is tea "ask me
" fed up as a child often get sick during the soy sauce, his night play abis fever "have to remember me when I was a boy
I actually don't want to remember my childhood because it definitely recalls the abuse
but I just quietly listened to the ernie tea story
" because of that papa worried, afraid that adek do not have children" said teteh erni
" why not fall in the tea at that time, "
" why in the fall" said aak andi "no dedek donk "the next word aak andi while embracing my shoulder.
"pregnant mama 4 months into 5, so it's big "
" how mom can't know if pregnant "wonder me
" if usual kb syringe, menstruation emang likes to come late "clear erni tea
" mama thought maybe late normal, ya know also papa when look at the stomach mama different" said erni tea
this conversation stopped when the show began
I just found out why you've been so protective of ki all this time.
when I came home at night, I was too tired when there was school activities first
papa protested the most, he often scolded me I used to feel treated differently to aak andi who du give freedom, he said,
while I was a little set up, yes beside me was indeed more often at home after the incident
papa does give his attention in a different way but he is still my papa
after the show was over I walked over and I kissed the cheeks of my 2 parents.
and I went home to my in-laws
I was thinking what I was going to do in front of him, letting this go as usual until the time answered
or should I make a decision
by nightfall
diah hugged me spoiled, I tried to repay her with her perfunctory style
without lust without desire is just a stale base because she's my wife,
I don't know what I want from this wedding trip, I don't know what I expect from my wife.
when she fell asleep I looked at her face, thinking to me why I married her, whether because she loved me, or because I needed her
aahhh probably because I'm already my soul mate