This Love Kills Me Slowly
this love is slowly killing me
chapter 3 meeting
I woke up, I felt my hand on someone's gemgam, and a little pain in my hand,
when I opened my eyes and my consciousness was completely restored, the only thing my wife was holding was my hand,
" hmmm she fell asleep exhausted "that's in my mind
an infusion needle pierced my hand skin
" dedek had woken up" after I saw aak andi standing with a plastic cantilever in her hand
" why are you here" I asked
my wife woke up
" i'm sorry I fell asleep" said my wife, she ran to the bathroom
" dedek does not remember what fainting "say aak andi "make all panic only "
" he doesn't have to be brought here aak "my answer.
" that dick passed out long ago!!! " said aak andi "who knows what time it is "
" you don't know, "I answered
" it's 10 o'clock now, 3 o'clock blackout" explained aak andi
" adak!! what's the problem ? " tanya aak andi suddenly pulled up a chair and sat down near my head
" there is no aak!! dedek most tired doank "
" aak sure you have a problem, this is not a adek who knows "said aak andi
I turned my face away from your eyes.
" aak wait whenever you want to tell the story "said aak andi while standing up and trying to leave me,
diah also came out of the bathroom, I pulled my body and I leaned on the end of the bed
"aac is dying!! aak !! " ask diah
I shake my head
" if you're tired of sleeping" I said as I reached for drinking water near me
but Diah prevented it, and gave the water from his hands.I silently remembered the word aak andi
aak Andi really loved me, maybe because I was his one sister, or maybe our distance was too far, so he knew how to treat a sister
when I was in school all my needs he was the one who bore it. Even the car I used when I was in college was his gift.
it was only natural that he knew that I was hiding my problems
even though he married his attention has not changed, even now he still had time to visit me
heart 3 I have come home from the hospital. My leave is only 3 days away
I got 3 days of marriage leave and I took 3 days of annual leave
the first night people were full of different excitement to me, I was in the hospital
3 Days passed all went as usual, there was no worthy of his newlyweds, no,
mine didn't respond to anything my wife did
my heart is deeply troubled by this problem,
I can see the disappointment in her face, but I don't want to go deeper.
because I know I'm not inpotent every morning before marriage or even when I watch movies my bed scene works fine
but this doesn't work at all
" what's not sexy in the eyes of aak" said Diah
" don't answer "me
" what's not pretty in my eyes"
" hmm if it's not pretty why I married you "I replied
khaaahhhh this living god!!!
what other games did you give me
khaaahhhh in my tired
ohhh god what else is this.
the fear that I failed as a husband was present in the heart
the fear became even more after the 10th day after I got out of the hospital had remained unresponsive
this fear was more than fear as I charged myself to meet with asep
I remember seeing aak asep
in my 2nd year of college.
that morning my mother got the news that my grandmother fi cigombong left the world after being treated for 1 week in a ciawi hospital
as a grandson, I once looked after him on a college day off
my mama sangar was hit with their papa to the cigombong
I who was on campus immediately came home by chance there was only 1 subject
arriving at the cigombong aak adi and to the 2 teteh I have been there including cousins and all the children of the son-in-law all gathered there, he said, I was also with my cousin to read yasin beside my grandmother's body
when it was over, I was the one getting together with my cousin.
in surprise by a woman I was about 40 years old
" adii yes!! " word yes
" he is..who is!! " ask me because I'm a stranger to seeing her
" it's just aak asep "jleeegggarrrr my heart at the time
" aac asep." I bit my lips into a wound I had forgotten all along.
my face turned left to right
' khaahhh "I let go of my breath
" how's the tea going" I asked
" he's at home" said teteh fitri
" why don't you come here "look at me
"sibuk ngurus rice fields people are the same angonan appendage" replied fitri tea
" ouuhhh that's tea "I want to quickly pass this conversation
" adi college where "tanya fitri tea
" in the tea room" I replied
" play atu to the house aak asep is at home. already have 3 children" said teh fitri
" don't tea" arrived I was excited
" may be able to or "
" ntr adi anter pas teteh go home "my word
"ooo can later on yeah "
during Grandma's funeral, my heart was overwhelmed with emotion, the hatred of fear somehow it all became 1
there's a desire to beat him up
there's a want to ask why he did that to me
and why did he run??
scared already!!
if he was afraid why he would do it
my disappointment in staying fahmi, plus my longing for her
I want to spill all the emotion in my heart on that motherfucker asepp
after the funeral of my grandmother
my heart that was strong to meet, grew doubt in my heart
crossed wanted to invite aak andi but I was afraid of commotion
wanted to take my mom I was afraid this would make her sad
I hope fitri tea forgets and does not look for me, but when I was cool grip with my cousin fitri tea came to see me
the clock was at 3pm
" heyuu!!! " tea fitri
I'm gonna get up
" your mother !!! adi anter fitri tea used to be " said I say goodbye to my mama
after I kissed my mom's hand
we also departed, fitri tea brought 3 children first and to 2 girls already in class 3 and 1 high school
while the small male class 2 smp said fitri tea
the fitri tea house is permanent, right on the roadside, the car was left at the fitri tea house
after sitting for a while
I was also invited to aak asep's house
along the way we traced the path that is still from the ground on the left right there are rice fields
my heart was beating so fast, my breathing was a little congested, and my emotions seemed to be overflowing
there were doubts for me to cancel my intention to meet with Asep today
so that my legs are a little slow until the distance between me and the fitri tea away
because I'm not ordinary and concentrate on the divided path
or maybe I'm the one with the heartless
my legs slipped and fell into the paddy field
"srreett brukk"
" jeez adii "fitri tea soon approached me
" he hehehe "I smiled forcing myself
looks from the face of the fitri tea worried about me
" slowly plan" said fitri tea "if the name is always familiar also in the village "
" he tea "I answered
my legs and the tip of my trousers are dirty with the mud of the rice field
I cleaned it around the rice field that had its running water
" it's his house" said fitri tea after it was seen how many houses were there
fitri tea after saying hello to the screaming fitri tea
" dick.." a woman appears.
" he...ohhh teteh "said the woman while greeting and hugging the fitri tea there was a small child in her carrier.
" where does asep "tanya teah fitri
not long after a boy appeared
when I saw that boy from his gait was like a woman
" aak again look for tea feed" said the wife
"this is his wife aak asep adii, aak asep's first child inj" said tea fitri
" this is the 3rd" continued his wife
" it's still a long time ago" asked teah fitri
" less to know tea "
" it's been a long time" asked fitri tea
" have probably gone home again "
I glanced at the asep child, my mind drifting somewhere
there was a feeling of pity there was a sad feeling of seeing his boy in such a style
I didn't ask much about what the name was, what class
when my mind is raging
a boy is smaller than the first
" this is the 2nd day" said teh fitri
" oooo "that's all that comes out of my mouth
after he greeted us he sat a little far away from us
and her appearance was exactly the same as her sister
walking the way sitting, his style
" god is gini to his 2 children "that's my heart
" the 3 guys also tea "ask me
"he's a guy too " answered his wife
" what age is tea "quest me
" 10 months "
" first what grade of tea "
" the first 3rd grade smp, the sister of his 1st grade "
" this is the adii that used to be guarded with asep" said fitri tea
" oooo that's tea" replied asep's wife
khaahh keep what's in my mind cynical
a man looks old but from the scratch on his face I know it's asep
spontaneously I stood up
and Asep was surprised to see me
my emotions are almost out of control but God is still protecting me
when his wife approached asep
and the fitri tea holds my shoulder
" asepp you remember this who "asked fitri tea
his wife was busy taking the celurit in his hands and his first child gave him a towel and drinking water on the asep.
asep excited when he saw me
" asep forgot tea "
my cynical smile when he said forget, which made the asep increasingly salsh behavior
as my eyes looked into his eyes it made the asep unable to do anything how many times the towel in his hand fell.so even when he drank water, everything seemed chaotic
the glass accidentally fell and broke
" prangg"
" it's adii, it's great "
"right to forget about me huh aak" my voice shook with anger
" it's so good it instantly disappears "call me with a more vibrating voice
without mentioning any more names for my mother's family when talking to an older one should mention the name, otherwise it is not polite.but for this time I did not mention my name with asep
" my fault what yes.kok could do that with me "
fitri tea and everything in there seemed confused by my conversation
asep is like a person who is eliminated I am still standing staring intently at the asep
" asep.after stopping from the place adi directly to the field in invited his temen" said fitri tea
" oooo that's really escaping donk" I said
" his words have been said with mama adi, mama adi play here" said teh fitri explained at length
suddenly asep stood up and ran towards me, bowed my knees prostrate at my feet, held tightly to my 2 feet and kissed my feet
I almost lost my balance
: aakk apologize equally adekkk.." said asep while crying his tears felt on my feet.
however. the hatred in my heart is so strong, I tried to pull my legs but his strong hold makes me repeat almost lost balance.which I finally let with a standing position
congratulated
his wife's fitri tea, and his son's son were astonished to see the incident
" i'm sorry aak dekk.aak is really sorry"
tears of my hatred dripped so sick I spent my time
and it was so easy that he apologized
I was 20 years old then
in 10 years I've lived with pain, with trauma, and this secret is all I know
" what is it" asked a confused fitri tea
the sound of his cry was loud enough to invite the attention of the neighbors who were there, looking at the adab I felt uncomfortable
"teh shut the door "i said "get up" I said next while wiping my tears.
I felt embarrassed, I felt uncomfortable when the neighbors started to arrive,
" tea said I'd met kangen a long time ago" when I saw many neighbors looking from the window
" let them go tea "pintak me
" aak.adi want to know!! why did aak lakanin it to adii "ask me after I saw it started to quiet but it turns out
khaahh his name lives in the village still there are curious
" aak khilaf dekk"
" aak if the khilaf will not be more than 1x" I said
" if more it's not khilaf.it's lust"
" detah confused what is it" fitri tea still does not understand
" he's younger brother also doesn't understand" said his wife
doubts on Aak asep's face to explain her
I just smiled cynically, waiting for his courage
I saw aak asep playing both of his hands to ease his anxiety
" now aak want how, what need adi storyain to mama and adi family "
" don't dekk, ntr aak child eat what "his word
" aak is right to apologize equally adek" said asep back on his knees in front of me
I sat down, but my hands were held tightly
" grandfather look at the children, they so be so dekk" crying increasingly broke.
" this is karma aak dek., sorry aak dekk"
" this is only 1 more deck child aak hope aak" aak asep pitying to beg my forgiveness
I don't know if there's still hatred in my heart, my heart is frozen cold without warmth
without any answer I live in that place,
maybe I'm sorry I don't need to say
maybe not this time to forgive
because right now there is only grudge and pain
let time forgive him
at least that's punishment for him
but if karma is punishment!! how the world is really unfair
the child is not the perpetrator but why does the child become like that