This Love Kills Me Slowly
this love is slowly killing me
chapter 2 p***wedding****
this party has been planned for a long time, whether it's my future wife or I can call my wife who I just married
looks a happy smile on his face, diah the 3rd child of 5 brothers to his 2 younger brothers, and to 2 brothers on top of his women
all my extended family gathered here they all looked happy yet my heart !!!
my heart felt so empty, even though smiling was forced to smile because of how many times I was remembered by my mother to smile at the guests present
there is someone I am looking for and
my eyes are looking for everyone who comes, maybe he is here, asking, hoping
I want to look at you that's my wish
my body that was tired from preparing for this day was getting more and more tired because my heart was so tired of wishing.
a little hope was present when I saw it
auntie Tati is here, I immediately put on my best smile when I see her
" aunty!! fahmi mana" I asked
auntie Tati smiled wryly looking at me
" he's still in bandung!! " answer aunt tati
my heart was very disappointed and I was getting tired
" this is a deposit from fahmi" said aunty tucking a paper in my hand
maybe the envelope I thought, I,
" don't open it here, it's the message" said the aunt whispered in my ear
"what is this aunt "ask me
" ntr also know "aunty tati said with a smile
I was very curious, but as much as I could hold myself
after the event finished the repair, I sat in the armchair
I want to cry I close my eyes so that no one knows that I am so tired of pretending
"dedek.." aak andi called me.
I opened my eyes and stood up
"aakk" I answered
" donk's smile!! bride time pouting aja "canda aak andi
"welcome to me" while embracing me "so be a good husband "say aak andi next while walking towards my wife's direction
" titip adi yes, he's a spoiled child please be patient yes take care of him "say aak andi on my wife take his salami, I just stared aak andi
not long after that came my greatest nephew
" oom the end of his marriage is also yes" said my nephew he's a new guy in class 2 at a distance I'm with my oldest son only 7 years
I just smiled looking at ya
" safe om "he said as he hugged me
after all the family photo gathering took place and after her
we all went back home, it was a tiring day that I thought but she always held my hand she looked so happy but my mind was fixed on the envelope that I gave her
I couldn't bear to know the contents of the envelope, I entered the bathroom and I opened it
when I opened it there was a word
"you made it through leaving behind a wound and a happy memory!! happy new life, may you be happy "
I looked up at the bathroom sky, I threw out the paper, tears fell down there was a feeling of pain, disappointment
but I don't know why nobody really hurt me, and there's nothing to disappoint me about all this just because I hope to hurt and be disappointed.
yes all because of my hope I wish he came and I wish he was present
I walked out with a stagger, and at the end I fell as the bathroom door opened
"bruck"
" aack !!" yell in panic
my heart and body are too heavy to bear all the burdens
and !!!
I hope all this can go as it should a marriage is quite this wound of disappointment until here
at that time in my sophomore year of college, I was the same as fahmi majored in civil engineering in a neighboring city, to get there I could travel by krl or by private vehicle and at that time
our relationship is getting.familiar, but still at a reasonable limit, almost 1 month fahmi always has to change girls, girls, while I can last 3 months or 6 months and sometimes last 3 months more with my single status.
but I don't know where he always takes me, and spend more time with me
" who's your boyfriend now "asked fahmi as we both hang out at an apong sentul market,
" there is no "my answer
" with the girl you yesterday why broke up "ask her
I stared at her
" why!!: ask me back
" why don't you want to know" she replied
" you often have to change girls" I said
" no !! I'm his loyal man "his answer
" haahhhhh!!! gonta changes girls almost every month you say faithful "ask me wonder
:y!!! gua doesn't consider them girlfriends "his answer is casual
" you already Grepek Grepek is not dating" I asked in wonder
he looked at me intently, and approached his head with me until his breath hit my face
" who's grepek grepek" asked fahmi
I became misbehaved
"lo who often grepek grepek girl you will "ask her
" the cave never did that" I replied, throwing my face away
"lo lie" he answered ketus "so why have you been dating all this time "
I did not dare to look at him
" woyy so why have you been all this time "
" yach at most cave walk, eat together, watch that "just answer me casually after I have mastered my feelings
" you also say all this time gonna change the girl "ask me
" who's dating" she replied with a cynical smile on her face
' he doesn't date but sleeps with a lot of girls" I said
fahmi's eyes grew staring at me
" what do you mean "tanya
" yaaa !! you slept with a girl ??" ask me
" if that's why!! you're angry!!!" ask her
my heart flinched hearing his answer
" that's your right" I said "already ahh!! the cave wants to go home " said I got up from my seat
suddenly he walked beside me by embracing a typical friend
" the faithful cave!! cave has never slept with anyone "his whispers in my ears although I believe but my heart is already disappointed
" you want to sleep with the cave" she asked as we were both in the car
"when "ask me
" emmm tonight" she replied, taking the car out of the parking lot
" where is "
" peak of fahmi answer
" you want to pay for the villa" said I make sure who pays for the villa
" nyokap cave there is a villa there anyway, you calm down just "his answer
I'm not imagining anything romantic for tonight, being close to her is enough for me,
the feeling of comfort when with her, the feeling of longing when away from her was my heart at that time
at that time I did not know much about same-sex relationships even though I was a victim of child-loving predators
when I forget my past, I can smile.I dare to gather in the crowd, despite the end of it I went back alone again spending time in my room while away from her.
tonight it was just the two of us spending time at the top of the bogor.
with his guitar he sang andra and the backbone
" when tears wash over the earth, they cannot wipe away the pain
I can't when you ask to get up again
" let's !!!"
"let's all !!!!"
in the darkness of the night on the top of bogor
we are both !!!
sit in place
in the same place
breathe air!!!
the same air
staring at the sky!!!
looking at the same sky
my heart is so calm, so peaceful
lord!!! I don't know about this feeling, nor do I understand my feelings
this feeling, this feeling is mine
"lo already sleepy" said fahmi beside me
" haven't" I replied
I don't know what you felt when you were with me, I don't know
I never knew anything about the feeling you felt when you were away from me
" you are so innocent, you are too innocent" said fahmi suddenly looking at me
"ohh yahh, try to open it here "
" lo what the hell" I said a little embarrassed
" haahhhhh!!! diii his word is already usual coli" said fahmi
" what...!!" answer me, lying on the porch beside the villa staring deep into the dark sky
" cold." she said
be quiet for a moment
" you know why a dark night is beautiful to see "
" don't know the cave"
" that's because there are stars!!! stars look beautiful because the dark of the night is different but complement each other "
" that's yes." I answered
'hmmm he...!!! my heart is so peaceful today.let the cave die tonight!!! the cave is willing"
" you say what the hell" I said as I sat down
" why!!! you're afraid there's no cave huh" his eyes looked at me while still lying down
" it's not funny to know" I replied
fahmi just smiled
" that would be if it were"
yes, I was afraid of losing her, and if I had died then
I don't need to experience anything as unimportant as I am today
"if you sleep in, it's cold in here "
" thx your attention!! the cave is not a child"
for a moment we drifted into each other's minds.
until it gets heavy, I also permit to sleep
when I woke up I saw no fahmk near me,
I saw the clock at 1 p.m
around me looking for her,
he slept on a long sofa in the middle room
, I looked at her sleeping face,
I don't know why he slept here
the bed in the room was too big for me.
"miii !!!" I'm trying to build it
"hmmmmm" she answered
" lo why sleep here "his eyes are a little open
"no why "answer her with her sleepy face
"lo want to sleep, sleep in the room, let the cave sleep here" he said
" how do you!! he said he wanted to sleep with "my word
her eyes were sharply staring at me, her hands were moving as she would want to pull me into her arms
but at the end he turned his body back to his back to me
" lo why the word "do not understand
I sat on the sofa near her
the silence between the two of us until I saw the head of the fahmi move a little until our eyes looked at each other
" you why sleep here" I said as our eyes met each other
"you sleep in the room!! let the cave sleep here "fahmi said
" you sleep together!! but you're sleeping here, what the hell" I said
" ehhhhmmm khaaahhhh "to breathe out with a loud sangar so I can hear
"you are not afraid of the cave" he said
" fear why "answer me
"that's bego!!!" fahmi made me a little surprised
while returning to sleep
" what the hell is mii!! " i said I don't understand
suddenly he woke up hitting me with a pillow he was carrying
"lo sleep in the cave word room" he said in a high tone "sleep there!! "
I slept alone that night
until dawn when I saw at 5 am, Fahmi had already woken up and he looked neat on the table was ready for breakfast
fahmi seemed indifferent as if she did not care about my presence
after fulfilling my duty as a servant we both went home
throughout the journey of fahmi not many stories just silence that makes me go awry
that day he still picked me up at home as usual, and again fahmi just silent I tried to open the conversation his answer was only "hmmmm, yes...." without looking at me.
when on campus he immediately left me, and so on when in his usual class he sat beside me
now he's away, now he's away,
when I got home I didn't find the car and I broke up to go home.
all the way to the house I tried to remember everything that happened in the villa that night
all her words I tried to remember her,
" i am too innocent, too naive, I am selfish when he is angry "
" ahhhhh, the quarrel that night he forced to sleep alone and myself in the room "
before all was well until I went to sleep leaving him alone
with a million questions I came to her house
when he got there his motor car was all there and I was sure he was home
after getting off the motorcycle accidentally I saw a man sitting alone with his guitar while singing a song
it's a jikustik song called poetry
" fahmi.." say hello to me.
fahmi looked at me, surprised
but there is no answer
I sat on the swing that was in front of him
he glanced at me, but it was for a moment.
fahmi moved to leave me
" salsh cave what sighh" I asked in an annoyed tone
" you are not sensitive" he replied
" don't understand what "ask me again
" yes, it turns out the cave likes the wrong people" said fahmi
" go home tired cave, cave wants to sleep "his word again
" what wrong cave!!! " ask me again "if the cave is wrong sorry "my ksta again
with the guitar still in his hands fahmi pushed my body up to the wall clutching his right hand hard enough to grip my shoulder.
I was really cornered and could only stare at her, our eyes met her face so close to mine
but he pushed my body away from him
" go home before I do "he said out loud
I turned my body around staring at her but
he left me who increasingly did not understand what was going on with him
the day after I waited long enough
I finally set out on my own to my campus in Depok
again, he sat away from me.
but in the parking lot
" adii "call her fahmi come to me
it felt like something was stirring his heart
but I waited for what he wanted to say
" cave apologize, starting tomorrow the cave is not in bogor again"
like a rigid silent body electrical channel
but immediately I quickly asked
" you want to move where "ask me "is this because of the cave problem" I said
" no, the cave is not strong close to lo" he said
" what does miii mean" I asked
I didn't find the answer
" you move where "ask me
" to bandung "his answer
" when is "
" come home from here "
" can the cave come with me" I said
he just kept quiet looking at me
" ntr kabarin cave when it was there "the word walking my death
whether she saw it or not my tears were dripping down which forced me into my car.
after her departure my days are getting quieter,
when I dialled her no was not active at all.
I went to auntie tati at her place of business.
but auntie Tati is not willing to give me information